Nicola Morgan - The Teenage Guide to Stress

To every teenager who needs a bit
of extra support, reassurance and understanding.
You are not alone.

When I tell adults about this book, most think its a good idea. But a few say things like, We survived without a book to help us. Why cant todays teenagers just get on with it? Theyll survive. I have no sympathy with that view!

Heres why.

First, just because there was nothing to help us in our day doesnt mean that was better. If thered been a sympathetic and informative book when I was a teenager, Id have used it, and I bet most people would.

Second, why be satisfied with just surviving? Isnt it better to thrive and achieve your potential instead?

Third, although a bit of stress doesnt usually lead to illness or serious consequences, sometimes it does. And too much stress over a long time often makes us ill and unable to do our best. If we can prevent that, surely we should try?

Importantly, if you learn how to manage stress while youre young, you can use the same skills throughout your life. That will save heartache, illness and money.

Another thing some people say is, In my day we didnt even have stress its a modern invention. I agree that we talk about stress more nowadays, because we know more about it, but stress itself isnt new. And nor is the word back in 1904, the sociologist G. Stanley Hall described adolescence as a period of upheaval and trauma, storm and stress. In past generations, people who became ill with what we now know are symptoms of stress might have been given addictive tranquillisers, or left to become more ill, or ended up in a mental hospital for a while, or even for a long time. There were dramatic and unpleasant medical remedies; anything except good, healthy, sympathetic ways to prevent stress causing trouble.

Its far better to learn to manage stress before it causes bad symptoms and spoils this period of your life, surely?

Its important to realize that not all stress is bad, though. Feeling nervous before an exam or an interview can help us perform extra well. Worrying about a decision can help us think it through properly. And having some difficult days or periods can help us appreciate holidays and breaks even more. But when stress goes on for too long and is too strong, when it gets in the way of happiness and achievement and health and stops us doing what we want and need to do, that is not good.

Teenagers also have many stresses which we didnt have in our day. The pressure of exams is greater and more constant; the price of failure or misbehaviour can be higher; risks and temptations are often stronger. Adults may have forgotten other things that make adolescence difficult: changing bodies, fear of the future, new knowledge about the sometimes-scary things in the wider world.

You may be going through problems that your parents either didnt have or have forgotten. You may be worried about your friends. You may have had bad experiences with social media. You may be experiencing bullying. You may feel sad or scared or angry or confused in ways you find hard to talk about. This book is here to help. And there are many resources at the end to help you further.

So, the advice in this book aims to help you worry less about whatever you worry about and to give you strategies for relaxation. Im going to help you recognise and manage stress before it becomes too difficult. And throughout the book there are real comments from real people teenagers and adults who share their memories and advice to show you that you are not alone.

The Teenage Guide to Stress will make everything feel more normal, less stressful, less worrying, more positive. It will help you not just survive but also thrive. Being a teenager does not have to be so hard.

Nicola Morgan
Edinburgh, 2013

www.nicolamorgan.com

SECTION ONE explains what stress is and what it can do to you and looks at some of the ways in which teenage stresses may be different from others.

SECTION TWO deals with loads of issues that worry many teenagers and offers guidance, sympathy and advice. For many of you, simply discovering that your worries are normal will be enough to make you feel better. Understanding will get you a long way.

Ill also talk about some pre-existing conditions you may have, such as OCD or dyslexia, and how they might be different during adolescence. If youre worrying about something that isnt mentioned, this does not mean you are the only person in the world with that problem. Youre not. It just means this book isnt long enough to mention every human worry.

SECTION THREE looks at ways of dealing with and preventing symptoms of stress, as well as healthy ways of looking after your mind and body. And once youve learnt what to do, I suggest you teach those skills to the adults you know. If you have a stressed adult in your life, thats probably making your life tougher, too, so it makes sense for everyone to understand how to deal with stress. Adults dont know it all.

At the end of the book, there are lists of resources for all the topics I cover.

Often, part of my advice is to talk to a trusted adult. But what do I mean and how do you find one? Many adults want to help you, even if they dont personally know you, and many have special training in different aspects of adolescence or stress or various problems. The best person to choose will depend on you, your particular situation and the adults in your life. Never think that there is no one for you I promise there is, but you may have to go and find them.

In an ideal world, parents or carers would be the first and best people to talk to. But its not an ideal world. You may not have a parent or carer, or they may be wrapped up in their own problems, which may not be their fault. (Parents are human and no one is perfect.) You may have a bad relationship with them. Some may have problems with alcohol or drugs or mental illness and not be in a position to help. Some parents, unfortunately, are not trusted adults. Sometimes, even if you do have a good relationship with them and they are wonderful people, you still may not feel able to talk to them about a particular problem.

So, if you cant talk to your parents for any reason, who else could you talk to? Depending on your particular situation and worry, here are some suggestions. All the professionals on this list teachers, doctors and health workers etc have a duty to protect you. This means that if they believe that you or another person are in danger of abuse, harm or neglect, they have a duty to inform a relevant adult, but they will discuss it with you first. They will talk to you about which adults will be the best people to tell, focusing on what is best for you. They are also not allowed to cover up a serious crime no one is.

A teacher you like. Teachers are not always trained in dealing with every problem but all have some training in what to do when a student comes to them for help. They know how to reassure you and make sure you find the right help.

Your head of year, year tutor, guidance teacher or whatever name your school gives to the teacher in charge of pastoral care or wellbeing. (If you dont know who it is, ask.) These teachers have training in dealing with confidential problems.