Mohajer - Im Right: Youre Wrong: How to Think Clearer, Argue Better and Stop Lying to Yourself

Im Right

Youre Wrong

Think Better, Argue Better, and Stop Lying to Yourself.

SIA MOHAJER

Copyright 2015 by Sia Mohajer

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

Dear Reader,

Before we start this journey.

Im Sia Mohajer, and I write science-based articles explaining the psychology, habits, and routines that create successful business and life. I have been doing this for fifteen years and I dont plan to stop anytime soon.

I greatly appreciate you reading this book and your interest in my work is extremely important to me.

On my personal website, I research and write weekly articles about business, life and personal development. The question that I strive to ask is, How can I improve my life every day .

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If weekly emails bother you or you simply arent interested, no problem please dont sign up.

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Sincerely,

Sia M.

T he day after the space-shuttle Challenger disaster, Professor Ulric Neisser had his students write down precisely where they were when they heard the news of this explosion. He asked them to provide specific details about their experience: how they felt, what they saw, and where they were. Two-and-a-half years later, he asked them for the same information. While fewer than one in ten got the details right, almost all of them were certain their memories were accurate. Even when they were shown their original writings, over half of them refused to change their minds; they denied reality to maintain their beliefs in their current opinions.

This experiment became widely cited; one neurologist, Robert Burton, viewed Neissers Challenger study as emblematic of an essential quality of the human mind. In his book, On Being Certain, Burton argues that certainty is a mental state; it is a feeling like anger or pride that can help guide us in our decision-making. However, this feeling of certainty isnt dependent on objective truthit rises out of involuntary brain mechanisms similar to feelings of love and anger; they function independently of reason. Your feelings of certainty have absolutely nothing to do with how correct you are. We are all quite skilled at believing whatever we want. Our thinking is distorted by cognitive errors; these are ways that the mind convinces us of something that really isnt true. Like believing in the boogie man when you were ten year old, we can find evidence of our beliefs, even when they dont exist. Cognitive errors demonstrate the myriad of ways your brain attempts to hold together a meaningful worldview by trying to win arguments and persuade others they are wrong.

This feeling of knowing has some evolutionary benefits. Being absolutely certain and possessing a strong level of conviction keeps us confident and allows us to complete tasks we might otherwise avoid. Raising confident children is a hallmark of good parenting. One of parents primary roles is to build up childrens confidence and make them believe they are capable and worthy. Since the time our parents congratulated us for tieing our shoelaces and using the bathroom by ourselves, our self-confidence has been artificially built up. We feel certain in our abilities and each challenge is approached through parentally-reinforced stepping stones. Parents encourage us even when we arent capable, or smart or talented. The problem is this falsely-bestowed confidence often carries on into adulthood, making us confident fools. We become ignorant of our own inability and lack of knowledge. In psychology, this widely demonstrated and researched error is called the Dunning Kruger bias, named after renowned psychologists Justin Kruger and David Dunning. The Dunning Kruger effect is a cognitive bias wherein relatively unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than is accurate. Feeling certain is a trademark of this confident tomfoolery. Certainty makes us feel good ; we don't like the jerk who comes in and spoils all our ignorant fun. Or, as Donald Trumph once said, My IQ is one of the highest and you all know it!.

Burton describes our insistence of being right as a mental equivalent of physical addiction. He states that many people, derive more pleasure from final answers than ongoing questions, and want definite one-stop shopping solutions to complex social problems and unambiguous endings to movies and novels. The pleasure we derive from our feelings of knowing manifests itself mostly as pride and ignorance. However, the difference between supposed certitude and reality can have serious moral consequences. Think about making an important life decision, how extensively do we examine our own decisions making process? We generally ask questions and look for appropriate answers; however, the problem with such an approach is that our answers are often self-supporting and unexamined. We make decisions based on answers to questions that already skew our focus. We feel certain that our questions are the right ones to be asking and therefore, avoid reflecting on the questions themselves.

I mention the above examples for several reasons. First, the majority of people dislike being wrong. This is especially true in social situations and in contexts where being wrong jeopardizes an idea or opinion that has become a part of our identity. Second, we avoid reflecting on and understanding our own biaseseven when presented with contradictory evidence. Finally (and most importantly), we often feel the need to defend our ideas to the deathrather than admitting were wrong. In practice, this leads to bad communication, resentments, and failed relationships.

The Internet is full of arguments. Go on any message board and you'll discover a microcosm of ignorance. Full-grown adults will debate who has less of a life on online video game messaging systems; they will go into cyber-rage over the ethical considerations of religion vs. atheism. The online world is rife with man's innate need to start conflicts with others. The term Internet Troll describes individuals who enjoy starting arguments and upsetting people by posting inflammatory, shocking, or off-topic comments on online forums with hopes of disturbing these communities and provoking them to argument. Trolls have become part of the regular Internet landscape. We might speculate on their identities, but we will probably never know if a troll is a twelve-year old boy at his grandmother's computer or a 45-year old unemployed man sitting at home. In reality, it doesn't matter. Trolls represent something that exists within all of us; our innate need to be right .

If I presented you with valid information and recommended a change in your thinking or lifestyle, how would you react?

Try This Exercise:

Give someone some unsolicited advice. Even if you offer them absolutely terrific advice, they probably wont accept it. People generally listen to our advice, nod with a perfunctory smile, and carry on as they were.

Typically, we humans only allow outside advice to sink in when life forces us to change our perspectives; even then, we often take credit for others ideas. This is the logic behind an intervention; addicts are literally forced to listen to their friends adviceand most of the time it doesn't help them at all . We are stubborn creatures. However , this isn't our faultwe were born this way.