Brian Cox [Cox - The Infinite Monkey Cage: How to Build a Universe

William Collins
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
WilliamCollinsBooks.com
This eBook edition published by William Collins in 2017, 2018
Text Brian Cox, Robin Ince and Alexandra Feachem 2017, 2018
Photographs individual copyright holders
Diagrams, design and layout HarperCollins Publishers 2018
By arrangement with the BBC.
The BBC logo is a trademark of the British Broadcasting Corporation and is used under licence.
BBC logo BBC 1996
The authors assert their moral right to be identified as the authors of this work.
Cover photograph Shutterstock
Cover illustrations Charlotte Ager, Holly ONeil and Oliver Macdonald Oulds
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this eBook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
Source ISBN: 9780008276324
Ebook Edition April 2018 ISBN: 9780008254964
Version: 2018-04-27

A joyous trip through our understanding of the universe

Daily Express

Praise for BBC Radio 4s The Infinite Monkey Cage:

A witty and irreverent look at the world according to science

Independent

Praise for Professor Brian Cox:

Engaging, ambitious and creative

Guardian

He bridges the gap between our childish sense of wonder and a rather more professional grasp of the scale of things

Independent

Professor Cox shows us the cosmos as we have never seen it before a place full of the most bizarre and powerful natural phenomena

Sunday Express

Praise for Robin Ince:

Bursting with energy and ideas

The Times

CONTENTS

A Very Special Foreword
by Eric Idle

Hello.

Sorry to come barging into this pseudo-scientific book, but obviously publishers are greedy bastards and will do anything they can to try to seduce the gullible public into buying enormous quantities of meretricious trash for the Christmas market, so I have been asked to lend my name to this blatant attempt to part you from your cash.

What is The Infinite Monkey Cage anyway apart from being a terrific song written and sung by yours truly with every single instrument played by Jeff Lynne, and certainly something you should try to download for Christmas, but no, its the sodding BBC and its not available or theyd have to pay for something. Thats why you are stuck with this book.

I think you will find it very helpful. Its useful for keeping a door propped open or to put on your Christmas table to stop the hot plates blistering the plastic tablecloth. But do watch out for the Christmas pud; the book itself is highly flammable, and if it catches, you might possibly set fire to an elderly aunt. On the other hand, if you are cold, simply stick it in the grate and it will make a lovely Christmas blaze.

As you know, scientists are the new chefs, so pity poor Ince, once a half-way decent comedian, now stuck alongside a glamour-boy professor, playing Robin to his Batman. Still, if it stops him having to play Colchester again I suppose the whole thing has been worth it.

One or two words about The Monkey Cage itself.

Is the Cage infinite?

Or are the Monkeys infinite?

Or perhaps they are both infinite?

In a multiverse would there be an Infinite

Donkey Cage?

I think we should be told.

Well, thats about it.

I shall be spending my Christmas Day in the traditional way on a Thai massage table listening to Sounds of the Seventies . Sadly, we dont get the Queens speech here in Bangkok, but there are one or two compensations. There is an inspirational message from Jos Mourinho, and a bottle of gluten-free almond wine for ancient tee-totalling ex-Pythons sent by John Cleese from his cellars, where he hangs upside down during the winter season.

To all of you, please enjoy your expanding Universe for another year. And do try to buy more Monty Python shit. We havent got long and we do need the cash.

Happy Christmas Greetings!

Eric Idle

The Old Jokes Home

Thailand

The Producers Tale
by Alexandra (Sasha) Feachem

Hello, Im Sasha. I produce the radio show The Infinite Monkey Cage . I say produce, I use the term loosely. Youll understand why in a moment. Brian thought it would be a good idea if I wrote something about what it is like to work with him and Robin. Im not sure he had fully thought through that suggestion when he made it. I responded with hysterical enthusiasm. Brian looked scared. Perhaps punching the air and shouting Yes! Finally the world will hear my story was a nanometre over the top. Despite this, and trying desperately to hide his alarmed expression behind a nervous smile, Brian realised that retracting the suggestion was clearly not an option that the horse, or monkey keeper, had well and truly left the infinite zoo enclosure at something approaching the speed of light.

So here I am, with the producers tale; to tell you how The Infinite Monkey Cage evolved into existence and what its like to work with the infinite monkeys. And although the title of the show was in no way chosen to reflect the personalities of the people involved, or the way the radio show is put together, there is no doubt that we have all gloriously grown into the title. Thank goodness we didnt call it Top Geek .

Back in 2008, CERN switched on the mother of all science experiments: the Large Hadron Collider. It is still the longest, fastest, most expensive science experiment ever undertaken. A particle smasher of biblical proportions, it recreates the moment just a billionth of a second after the Big Bang, and is the ultimate testament to what happens when human beings get together and ask why and what if? And when the Large Hadron Collider did switch on, Brian and I were sitting in the control room at CERN, alongside Andrew Marr, broadcasting to the nation, live on the Today programme. It was quite an odd experiment in itself, doing live coverage of a science experiment that is hidden underground and involves minuscule particles that I think even David Attenborough would fail to do justice to, especially on the radio. As Evan Davis commented from the safety of the Today studio back in London, its a bit like Olympic taekwondo. It all sounds very interesting, but no one is quite sure what is actually going on.