Amatenstein - The complete marriage counselor: relationship-saving advice from Americas top 50+ couples therapists

PRAISE FOR

The Complete Marriage Counselor

If you are frustrated, puzzled, or about to throw in the towel on your marriage, dont. The answers to the difficulties you are experiencing can be found on the pages of this unique book, which draws on the wisdom of the fields top marital therapists. Buy this book and keep it on your nightstand.

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, founder of
www.divorcebusting.com and author of Divorce Busting

Imagine having the best of the best couples therapists giving you advice that can save your marriage from disaster, advice that can bring back the sizzle, the romance, the connection that has been lost! The Complete Marriage Counselor provides just that. If you have even a hint of trouble brewing in your relationship, dont wait for a minute! Grab this book! This unique guidance could help make or break your marriage.

Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of the bestselling
Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love

The Complete Marriage Counselor does more than give us honest insights from a wide range of counselors on everything from sex to money. And it does more than supplement this with Sherrys thoughtful commentary. It gives us pithy discussion points for those fearful of entering counseling, and second-plus opinions for those already involved. The Complete Marriage Counselor is one counselor whose price is right: It may be a recession, but theres no need for depression.

Warren Farrell, PhD, author of
Women Cant Hear What Men Dont Say and
Why Men Are the Way They Are

Everybody wants to go to the very best professional they can find when they have a problem. Especially when your relationship isnt working, you need guaranteed help fast! Now you can get just that when you read The Complete Marriage Counselor. In it you will find the proven advice from experts who have been helping to save marriages across the country. Let them help you transform your relationship and show you how to breathe new life and vitality back into your marriage!

Dr. Jane Greer, DSW, LMFT, author of
How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal

So you thought talking to a best friend or having a therapy session or reading Dear Abby was the be-all or end-all... try again. TheComplete Marriage Counselor tops it all. All the best of all the above rolled into one. This book is better than talking to a best friend, better than a therapy session, better than reading Dear Abby. The most wisdom from the top marital therapists in the country and Sherry herselfwhat a bargain in this economy. Dont leave home without itthis should be the bible beside your bed!

Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of bestsellers

Make Up, Dont Break Up: Rescue Your Relationship and Rekindle Your

Romance; Adultery, the Forgivable Sin; Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps

to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker

A major contribution. Sherry Amatenstein offers a wealth of advice at a challenging time when more couples need it more than ever.

Keith Ablow, MD, author of

Living the Truth: Transform Your Life Through

the Power of Insight and Honesty

THE
COMPLETE
MARRIAGE
COUNSELOR

Relationship-Saving Advice from
Americas Top 50+ Couples Therapists

SHERRY AMATENSTEIN, LMSW

FOREWORD BY TINA B. TESSINA, PHD

Avon, Massachusetts

Copyright 2010 by Sherry Amatenstein
All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief
excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by Adams Media,
a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com
ISBN 10: 1-60550-013-5
ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-013-3
eISBN: 978-1-4405-1297-1
Printed in the United States of America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the
American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, call 1-800-289-0963.

DEDICATION

To my parents, Holocaust survivors, married for

fifty-three years. Their union was a shining example

of what we all strive for. Mom and Dad, youre in the

hearts of Barb, Barry, Brittany, Stacey, and me every day.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To everyone inside the pages of this bookthe couples and the expertsa heartfelt THANK YOU. This book could not have been written without your passion and wisdom.

To Bob Diforio, my indefatigable agent; Chelsea King and the rest of the gang at Adams Media; Mark Leventhal for his unwavering, loving support, printing, and supply of Bloody Marys; David LaBarca, an ex turned best friend; Amy B., for her invaluable advice and decades-long friendship; Angela Mason, true blue and my female soul mate; Irina Harris for her life-altering insights over the years; Natalie Z. Riccio, PhD, LCSW, and Frances Goldfarb, LCSW, my supervisors respectively at Washington Square Institute and Long Island Consultation Center, for their wisdom and patience; Susan Shapiro, for her faith in me as a writer and therapist; Amy Ginsburg, whose sweetness and steadiness has meant so much; Karen Jones, for help with the website; Paul Kelly, for his kindness and caring over the years; and everyone else who put up with me while I was immersed in this book. And of course to my patients.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD
ASTOUNDING WISDOM

If you are in a committed relationship or have had one in the past, youll recognize the questions couples ask in this book. If youre wondering why you cant sustain a committed relationship, youll find a lot of answers here. As a therapist in private practice for many years, I encounter these very questions on a daily basisthe couples I work with ask them repeatedly. Using her expertise as a columnist, author, and counselor, Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW, invites well-known authors, therapists, coaches, and counselors to answer them in this enlightening and informative book. As a result, the reader is treated to a very revealing glimpse into the private space of the counseling office, as well as the different approaches of the experts.

Most couples wait far too long before agreeing to go for counseling together. Sometimes, a judge has to mandate counseling or mediation before a couple will seek help. Because marital problems tend to get more entrenched with time, this delay means the couples habits and attitudes are more ingrained and harder to change, so counseling takes more time and money.