Ringwald - Getting the pretty back: [friendship, family, and finding the perfect lipstick]

HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE F-WORD

IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US . Here is how it happened to me.

On February 18, 2008, I turned forty years old. It hardly seemed possible. I felt like I was just out of my teen yearsa sentiment that in my case happens to be shared by a lot of people. The enormous popularity of the films I made as a teenager has succeeded in essentially freezing me in time for the general public. In the minds of most viewers, I will always be sitting on a table eating birthday cake with a hunky senior.

Like most women, I was sort of dreading the day. Unlike most women, I didnt have the luxury of fibbing about my age, or even being coy when asked. Even my poor mother has experienced the fallout when she was paying a bill recently and the waitress innocently inquired if she was Molly Ringwalds grandmother. And while it is nice in some way to be seen as youthful, the fact remains that I am no longer a teenager, and no amount of reruns on cable is going to change that.

For months leading up to my birthday (lets just call it B-Day) I had well-meaning friends call and e-mail my husband incessantly about what kind of special plans we had in mind. He kept them at bay by saying he would let them know. Then he would gently nudge me, saying that I could do whatever I wanteda big blowout party to end all parties, or a simple dinner at home together. He just wanted to know what I wanted.

Let me think, I would moan. Ill decide tomorrow

Eventually he stopped asking, and I dont know what he told my friends. Finally, the day before B-Day, I did some soul-searching. What did I really want for my fortieth birthday? A yoga retreat? An overnight flight to Miami? Botox? Then, as if from the ether, a voice spoke with astounding clarity.

Fondue .

Of course. If I had to turn forty, I would celebrate it by eating cheese. And not just any old cheese, but the yummiest, most decadent, melt-in-your-mouth kind of cheesemade only more decadent by the warm crusty bread that you dunked into it. So, in the dead of winter, ten of my closest friends and I bundled up in our layers and traipsed over to Artisanal, a famous cheese and wine bar in New York City, and ordered bowls of fondue. I made sure I wore a red dress under my winter coat, drank delicious red wine, ate amazing gooey French cheese, and laughed with my friends until I was forty years old and one day.

Heres a secret: I actually like my age. Or rather, I like everything that Ive learned as those years have been accumulated. Whether it has to do with friendship, family, or falling in love, whether it involves acting, fashion, or motherhood, theres nothing that I would give up. (Well, OK, maybe Id pass on the Dorothy Hamill haircut I got in the fourth grade.)

This book is about celebrating turning forty and being the sexiest, funniest, smartest, best-dressed, and most confident woman that you can be. Its about everything Ive learned, thus far, and how to put it together and incorporate it all. It doesnt matter if youre married, divorced, remarried, or eternally singlethe one thing we have in common is that we all turn forty and wonder how we got thereand what were going to do now.

Two months after my fortieth birthday, I was asked to be a part of a show about teenagers. There was that word again! Teenager . It seems to stick to me like a barnacle. But the difference was that now I was not being asked to play a teenager, but to play the mother of one. Once I got over the shock (I was still recovering from the fact that I had just turned forty. And for those of you who have gone through it, you know what Im talking about. For those of you who have it still comingit gets way better, I promise) I realized that the show was a great way to bring it all full circle. Surrounded by teenagers and their urgent high school dramas, I felt a mixture of nostalgia and relief. Nostalgia at seeing my younger self reflected in them, and relief that I was no longer agonizing about things like popularity and acceptance in the same way.

When youre a teenager, youre forever thinking: Do they like me ? When youre a grown-up, as anyone over the age of thirty can attest, the question becomes: Do I like them ?

Happily, the show has been a great success, and I am constantly looking for ways to portray a cool moma mom that all of those characters I played way back when would have liked to have had. At the same time, it gives me a chance to think about the kind of mother I want to be for my own children, and what kind of woman I want to befor myself.

ARTISANAL BLEND FONDUE

Serves 6

Kosher salt

1 clove garlic, end cut off and discarded

3 cups shredded Comte, Emmenthaler, and Vacherin cheese (for 12 ounces total), at room temperature

1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons cornstarch

1 cup dry white wine

1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

1 pinch nutmeg

Black pepper in a mill

• Put 1 teaspoon salt in a fondue pot or a heavy-bottomed, 2-quart stainless-steel saucepan. Vigorously rub the exposed end of the garlic over the surface of the pot, starting in the salt and coating the entire surface. Discard the garlic.
• In a medium bowl, combine the grated cheese and cornstarch, mixing well to distribute the cornstarch evenly. Set aside.
• Add the wine and lemon juice to the prepared fondue pot and bring to a boil over medium-high heat.
• Once the liquid has come to a boil, slowly add the cheese and cornstarch mixture, whisking continuously. Make sure each addition is completely melted and incorporated before the next addition.
• Once all of the cheese has been added, cook it over medium heat for one minute. Season with nutmeg, salt, and 4 grinds of pepper, or to taste. Remove the pot from the heat and serve.

EMBELLISHMENTS : Serve the Artisanal Blend Fondue with cubed bread. Day-old bread is best, but any crusty bread will work well. The Artisanal Blend Fondue may also be served with boiled fingerling potatoes, sauted beef tips, pickled vegetables, or air-dried beef, kielbasa, and/or sausage .