Rowe - The SHED method: making better choices when it matters

Any references to writing in this book refer to the original printed version. Readers should write on a separate piece of paper in these instances.

Sara Milne Rowe

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THE SHED METHOD

Making Better Choices When it Matters

To my mother, Vita, and to my business partner, Simon, without whom this book would never have emerged.

I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practising dancing or to learn to live by practising living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of ones being, a satisfaction of spirit.

Martha Graham

Wishing to be better at something lies at the heart of most of the conversations I have with people. What they mean by better is always different. For me, better is energy-giving, flourishing, stretching, thriving, making progress one step at a time. Better is healing. Better is about believing you can be and do more than you thought. And at the heart of becoming better at anything is the ability to make better choices. Thats what I help people to do.

When I meet any client, step one is finding out what specifically they wish to be better at and its not always straightforward. As we work together and discuss their situation, their strengths, their hopes and ambitions they often realize that what they actually want to be better at is not what they were thinking when they walked in. Heres an example close to my heart:

Back in 2000, after having had both my children, I chose to move on from my full-time job as a teacher in an inner-city comprehensive to set up my own business in performance coaching. It seemed to make perfect sense. A natural segue from helping, nudging and challenging teenagers from all cultures to focus and do their best, to helping, nudging and challenging people from all backgrounds to have more impact, to be more confident and more successful whatever that meant to them. Taking that leap of faith was a risk. And there were many times in those early days when the responsibility of building a business left me feeling uncomfortably challenged, overwhelmed and frankly just not good enough. No one in my family had ever started a business, and I needed to be better at understanding how to build one. Or so I thought. After months of frustration I finally worked out that, in order to do that, first of all I needed to be a lot better at managing myself in those moments when feeling not good enough hit me. I made a commitment to do just that: to be better at being my own judge; to allow myself to choose when and if I was good enough and what I needed to do to be just that.

I knew that learning to manage this feeling would take effort and practice but, if I could crack it, it would definitely be worth it. I began to pay more attention to those moments when it surfaced. I became a scientist around my own feelings and behaviour, and started to keep a record:

• When did the feeling occur?
• What prompted it?
• What did my body do?
• What did I start to think?
• What was the impact?

Continuing to fall victim to these old feelings wasnt my idea of fun, but at least it meant I had plenty of data to analyse, experiment with and learn from. I noticed some patterns around my reactions and what prompted them. Now I had this bulk of evidence, the question was, how do I interrupt those feelings, lessen their impact and enable myself to perform at my best?

I make no apology for using the word perform, by the way. It is a huge part of my background and, I believe, lies at the heart of becoming better at anything. When clients say, I dont want to perform and pretend to be someone Im not, I will often ask, How do you know youd be someone youre not? What if you discovered you could be more than you are?

One of my favourite quotes is: We can act our way into a new way of thinking as well as think our way into a new way of acting. By acting or performing our way into a new way of thinking, we can sometimes unearth elements of us that we didnt believe were possible.

Thats what I had to do. I needed to find some practical ways to perform better: to manage myself and become more resilient so I could create the business I wanted. I started to consider those situations in my past when I had worked to be better at something becoming a better dancer as a child, a better violinist as a teenager, a better teacher as an adult. I decided to extract the key ingredients that made up being a better performer in each of those situations, and build them into useful practices. As I examined them more closely and experimented with the outcomes first by myself, then working with family, friends and clients I gradually developed a set of core practices. Finally, I had a toolkit that I could call on to choose a better set of responses and take back control.

I now help people all over the world to develop their own simple and practical ways to achieve what they want: whether thats to be better at communicating with their child, leading their team, managing themselves under increasing pressure, reaching a goal, or even setting up their own business. As their coach I work with them to define clearly that certain something they need to be better at, and to apply the practices that will help them achieve it.

I never intended to write a book. I was cajoled by clients who said things like:

• Why isnt this stuff in a book? Its made everything a lot clearer and I want a reminder.
• People have noticed a change in how Im reacting to things that used to drive me mad and ask me what I mean when I say, Im choosing my mood.
• If this was in a book I could keep it on my desk to refer to every time I feel nervous.
• Im surprised by how choosing to shift my morning routine in such a small way could have such an impact on my ability to focus. Everyone should know this.

So here it is.

A practical, useful book a human manual to help you make better choices so you can do and be better when it really matters. A book to pick up whenever you think you need it, whoever you are, whatever youre doing, be it dealing with a difficult conversation, coping with anxious children, facing challenges at work or managing yourself when youre up against it.

In this book I describe the method I use with clients: the SHED method. It includes a series of practices, personal routines and rituals that have evolved from thousands of hours coaching hundreds of people, from CEOs to students, from professionals to parents practices and routines that have helped them to make better choices, whether for themselves, for colleagues or for family and friends, and which can do the same for you. The tools and techniques in this method are derived from personal performance experience, are supported by science, and echo the habits of high performers whove built tried and tested ways to remain at their best often achieving more than they thought possible. If you follow this method, arming yourself with a bespoke series of practices and clear steps, you too will be able to make better choices in the moments that matter to you and to those around you.