Gordon Braxton - Empowering Black Boys to Challenge Rape Culture

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Gordon Braxton 2022

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Braxton, Gordon, author.

Title: Empowering Black boys to challenge rape culture / Gordon Braxton.

Description: New York, NY : Oxford University Press, [2022] |

Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021033807 (print) | LCCN 2021033808 (ebook) |

ISBN 9780197571675 (hardback) | ISBN 9780197571699 (epub) |

ISBN 9780197571705 (online)

Subjects: LCSH: Sexual ethicsUnited States. | African American

young menSexual behavior. | Sexual abuse victimsUnited States. |

African American womenViolence against.

Classification: LCC HQ32 .B73 2022 (print) | LCC HQ32 (ebook) |

DDC 305.242/108996073dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021033807

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021033808

DOI: 10.1093/oso/9780197571675.001.0001

To the long list of women who invested in me and inspired me to write this book. It includes but is by no means limited to Katie Koestner, Susan Marine, Lori Robinson, Tonya Prince, Sarah Rankin, Claire Kaplan, Salamishah Tillet, and Heather Wilson Henderson.

To Bob Franklin, Brad Perry, Ben Atherton-Zeman, Rus Ervin Funk, Craig Norberg-Bohm, Chad Waxman, Jody Plauche, Men Can Stop Rape, and all of the men challenging sexual violence who reminded me that I was not alone.

To Taressa Stovall, Latoya Smith, and Dana Bliss for believing in my project and showing me how to turn a dream into a reality.

To John Foubert and the men of One in Four for starting me on the path. Continue to go forth and make a difference.

The lives of the boys who you know will almost certainly be touched by sexual violence. Boys may come to know this violence as they respond to a daughter, friend, sister, or spouse who has survived it. They may come to know it as they interact with other boys and men who have perpetrated it. They will likely come to know it as the media and their colleagues pass on lessons about it. They may even come to survive it or perpetrate it themselves. So why do we not talk to them about sexual violence when they will surely see its influence as they look back on their journeys into manhood?

Whether we are unequipped, afraid, or unaware of the urgency of the problem, we spend little to no time empowering boys to raise their voices against sexual violence. That leaves them in the hands of a world that minimizes and normalizes it. I did not learn to raise my voice until concerned teachers pulled me aside and asked me to help. You too can extend an invitation to the boys in your life. In a better world, they will know the following:

They will recognize that they personally know survivors of sexual violence even though these survivors may not disclose themselves.

They will learn that how they react to these survivors could have a huge impact on their well-being.

They will recognize that they also know perpetrators. Violent men are rarely masked outcasts, and how boys react to them may go a long way in determining how these men perceive their actions.

They will understand that ensuring that they do not perpetuate violence themselves requires more than just understanding that no means no.

They will accept that not being personally violent does not excuse them from caring about a brand of violence that affects hundreds of thousands.

They will recognize that they are free to break from the manly choices preselected for them. For starters, they will know that it is acceptable to be upset by violence even though society does not always give boys and men permission to admit this.

They will see that breaking from traditional expectations of men can bring its own rewards.

They will realize that others may come to stand with them when they decide to stand against violence. When they do, they will be joining a global community of concerned women and men who seek to eradicate sexual violence.

They will see that there are many ways that they can use their voices to help. To name a few, they can interrupt comments and attitudes that diminish the seriousness of sexual violence, treat survivors with dignity, develop strategies for ensuring consent in their own lives, and challenge their peers to do the same.

They will understand that it may take time and practice to become effective at sharing their voices.

They will believe that rape and sexual assault do not have to exist and that boys and men can play a critical role in ending them.

I once presented to the senior class of a prestigious all-boys school in New York City. I was talking to them about how we could prevent sexual assault, and one young man in the back of the room stood up and exclaimed how it was pointless for men to discuss such things since it all boiled down to women choosing to be responsible. I geared up to push back because I believed that men and boys have a role to play in preventing violence but settled down after seeing one of the young mans peers respond. He raised his hand rather tentatively but was far from bashful once I gave him the floor. He told the audience about how he had a friend who had experienced a terrible assault and how he wished that he could have done more to help her. His peers followed his lead and a steady stream of young men rose to voice how they could help. The direction of the conversation changed entirely because one young man had the courage to speak up. Even the student who initially sparked the conversation with his comment about women needing to take responsibility walked up to me after the program and told me that he had spoken clumsily. He wanted to help. If we get past the stereotypes of young men and give them a space to speak, we might be surprised at the leadership potential waiting to be channeled.

I am so thankful that somebody once asked me to help. That invitation changed the course of my life in ways that I am still learning.

I do not think that there is too much that stands out about me were you to pass me on the street. Get to know me and you will find out that I was raised in Virginia and have lived in the Philadelphia, Boston, Los Angeles, and Washington, D.C., areas since graduating from college. My mother very much wanted a little girl but instead ended up with three knucklehead boys, of which I am the oldest.

But ask me how I spend my time and things will start to get interesting. I have spent the last two decades of my life speaking about sexual violence prevention in some fashion or another. It started when I was introduced to the field as an undergraduate student, found that I had a passion for it, and made it a personal mission to speak up. Following college, I accepted an invitation from a prominent speaker on survivor advocacy. She was looking for a man of color to accompany her on a speaking tour of public schools. I joined her and went on to speak to secondary schools, colleges, military units, and community-based organizations. From there, I became a prevention specialist at Harvard University, where I was able to address sexual violence from a student affairs perspective. At the same time, I worked alongside statewide and national coalitions, which allowed me to better understand the effects of public policy on the perpetration of violence. Throughout it all, I had the great opportunity to hear from thousands of young men. I have a more conventional office job these days but still regularly find myself in conversation with coworkers and acquaintances regarding some aspect of sexual violence in the news or in somebodys personal life.