Jen Malone - The Arrival of Someday

CAREFUL, GIRLSWE DONT CALL OUR JAMMER INVINCIBLE for nothing. My best friend, Sibby, gestures at me, smirking as she catches my eye above the pack of women skating into place for the starting whistle. Shes so badass, she gets her cavities filled without novocaine.

I flutter my eyelashes and nudge my soft plastic mouthguard out just enough to point playfully at rows of molars boasting metal, before sucking it back into place. No one has to know three-quarters of those fillings are actually tooth wax from a zombie costume kit, painted silver and applied in the locker room less than an hour ago.

Sibbys Australian accent is pronounced when she continues, Youd be wise to steer clear.

Roller derby can be as much about showmanship as it is sport, even on the track, and Sibby and I are all about dramatic flair, both here and whenever were rallying behind any of our causes. We have a whole routine rehearsed for our pre-jam lineups. Unfortunately, the opposing team isnt showing any signs of being rattled by our trash talk; no one responds beyond an eye roll.

I give Sibby a tiny, one-shouldered shrug and grin. Theres more than one way to skin a cat. Then I turn my smile on the crowd in the bleachers and sweep both hands into the air repeatedly, urging their cheers. They respond in full force, their energy traveling across the modest arena and into my chest, giving me a familiar jump.

Snippets of our skate-out songAmerican Authors Im Born to Runblasts through the arena and I sing along in my head to the familiar refrain:

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless, even if I break my bones

Maybe not so much on the broken bones, but a definite yes to the rest.

A short whistle blows, and all ten of us jump into action as the music cuts off abruptly.

As jammer, my job is to zoom through the pack of blockers, using whatever methods and force ethically and legally necessary (and some that ride the dizzy edge between the two), because once clear of them, I can skate free and rack up points.

Sibby and my other teammates are on defense, both preventing the other teams jammer from getting out in front of them and simultaneously clearing a path for me to do it instead.

Its no sport for the meek, but luckily, Im far from that. I live for these bouts. All glamour to the jammer, as Coach says.

I tuck my head low, relying on the colored tape we have wrapped around the toes of our skates to let me know which belong to those with friendly hands that will push me ahead, versus those who might lock on to my wrists to halt my progress. My breathing is even, despite the excitement pumping through me.

As I straighten, theres a weird twinge in my gut that disappears before I can fully process it. I stumble for a half second, but then right myself and let the game suck me back in.

Sibbys war cry sounds just beside me as she knocks the opposing teams jammer out of bounds. Cheers erupt in the stands and a deep voice announces over the loudspeaker, The Wizard of Aussie executes a smooth move on Rainbow Migraine, who can now rejoin play only if she enters the track behind the same skater who sent her off course.

Sibby drops back, slowing her rollliterallyto achieve the derby version of a cockblock, and I grin around my mouthpiece as I surge forward.

My focus snaps to the last two skaters I need to clear. The crowd chants my derby name: Rolldemort! Rolldemort!

This.

This right here is where I feel most alive. Its not the fans cheering for me or the potential for glory. Its the instant where all of that external stuff goes fuzzy and whats straight in front of me sharpens like a camera in portrait mode. I see the elusive path through the blockers as clearly as if its a lighted airport landing strip and my breathing deepens, low in my diaphragm. Endorphins fire, and I hit the roller derby equivalent of a runners high as I pop up on my toe stops and jump left to evade my first opponent, before pivoting and tucking low to fake out the next.

And then Im through, staring ahead at a wide-open track laid out like a red carpet for me alone. I increase speed and cross one skate over the other as I lean into a graceful turn, then another. In less than fifteen seconds, Ive rounded the last curve and hit the straightaway, where the pack has re-formed tightly to block my approach.

In the mess of helmets ahead, I spot Sibbys and I shift to reenter the pack by her side. Ive only been skating with this team since I moved up from junior derby after turning eighteen last fall, but I already adore all my teammates. Still, theres no one I trust with my life more than my best friend. Shell block out of straight love as much as out of competitive spirit, and shes got both in alarming quantities.

Sure enough, she grabs on to my wrist with one hand and propels me forward, past the blocker on her left, while her right arm is straight out to stop another opponent. (My girl is a beast.)

I wish I could find a way to bottle this feeling. Eyes forward, I weave and duck around women, clipping ones elbow hard in the process. I offer no apologies. Lacing up your skates and stepping onto the track is permission granted, for all of us.

I rack up three easy points, but the last one looks like it will be much harder. The other teams pivot, the one blocker who is eligible to become a jammer during play, is skating backward fast and has her attention fully locked on me. Except she trips over someones skateI cant tell if its one of my teams or notand goes down!

I zoom by!

The audience screams their heads off, gearing up for my next lap, where I can add even more points to the board. Im mentally mapping the distance to the next turn when the pain in my stomach returns. This time its so sharp I can barely keep from doubling over. What the hell?

Before I can think through my decision, I pat my hands on my hips twice to signal the ref that Im calling the jam off, which is my right as jammer, but not something Id ordinarily ever do when there are easy points to be scored. Four rapid whistle blows from her alert the rest of the players.

The crowd quiets and I sense their confusion. Im feeling it toothough mine is tied to the cramp and whether or not I could have imagined it, because its completely gone now.