Lyn Lewis - Dont Hate the Player Learn the Game: How to Spot Ineligible Eligible Bachelors

Front cover illustration by Damon Stanford

Copyright 2013 by Lyn Lewis

All rights reserved.

First Edition, First Printing

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in retrieval systems or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN #: 1-934155-83-7

ISBN #: 978-1934-155-837

The preparation of this book started long before the idea of the book was formulated. It started with my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Rufus and Onita Lewis, who created a learning center in our home that promoted the art and skill of critical thinking, the joy of reading, the desire to learn, and the motivation to become the best that you can be for each of their nine children. Words are inadequate to express my love for them and the many blessings they bestowed upon me, most of which were simply because they were who they were. Although my father passed away in 1986 years ago at the age of 68 and my mother lives at the age of 92, their influence on my intellectual development and other aspects of my life are immeasurable and invaluable. The only words that come close to thanking my parents can only be expressed in a spiritual context: To God Be The Glory! Let me hasten to add that the content of the book is not traceable back to my parents. The idea rests solely with me and those whom I allowed to influence me to write this book. These influential persons and their connection to this book will be explained later. However, whatever skills, intellect, and abilities that resonate in these written words go back to the talents God gave me, the foundation my parents laid for me, and their belief in me.

I was blessed to have eight siblings, four sisters and four brothers: Rose Marie, James Harold Bubba, Bennie Jean, Ann Louise, Rufus, Jr., Lavern, Paul Stanley, and Frederick Fred Dwight. Thank you for your contributions, either indirectly or directly, generally or specifically to this book. I need to give a special shout-out to Fred, my youngest sibling. I called him and emailed him morning, noon, and night with all kinds of requests. He was my production, marketing, and promotional adviser. He would proofread, rearrange chapters and poems, lift me up, motivate me, and help me to stay focused. Fred, your support and encouragement were incalculable. I know you will stay with me for the next book and the books that will follow thereafter. Lavern, thank you for your support in your own inimitable way. Because of your assistance, I was able to give the book my full and undivided attention. You are a faithful trooper. I need to give a special thank you to my great niece, Lolita Sanford, who has been my greatest cheerleader. I can hear her saying, Auntie Lyn, I cant wait to read your book. Im going to get all my friends to read it because I know they will learn a lot.

A special appreciation is extended to my cousins, Watson Lewis and his wife, Linda Staley Lewis, for their support during the most crucial years of this project. Watson would often call and ask, Hows our book coming? I would respond, Its coming. Watson, your loyalty and faith in me are rarely seen by anyone, especially a cousin. Thanks also for the countless conversations we had on many topics, all of which served to keep me keeping on with the book. Watson, if you were older, I would move you from cousin to uncle like I did with your father, George Lewis. But for now, just remain the cousin you are and all will always be well between the two of us.

I have a friend, confidant, intellectual sparring partner, and avid reader, Attorney Ivy Thomas Riley, who has been so consistent, so steadfast, so committed, and so dedicated to this project. She has been pivotal to this project, from the title to its completion. She has been my proofreader, legal adviser, comforter, and motivator. She never acted like she was tired or weary, even though I know sometimes she had to be. We have had some of the most spirited discussions imaginable about the style, content, and syntax of this book. Ivy, I really dont know if this project would have reached its completion without you. Your dedicated, meticulous approach to details, love for learning, and determination to hang in there with me will remain a part of my memory. You truly qualify to be on my persons who have meant the most to me list in my lifetime. You go, girl!

My friend, Earlene Knox, whom I have known since my undergraduate college days, read, critiqued, and evaluated my poems and my thinking about the typologies of players. Thank you, my friend. Your melodramatic style in expressing your ideas on different parts of the book was unforgettable and I greatly appreciated our lively conversations. Earlene, you really know how to make it interesting and challenging at the same time.

Attorney Richard Harris and his wife Dr. Marjorie Harris have been a key source of my strength in the completion of this book. You gave me words of wisdom, and spent your time, energy, and effort in helping me through this project as well as other areas of concern with which I was faced. Although you are in your 80s, you both spoke of the relevancy of this book in todays changing times. After reading a part of the book, Marjorie, you were convinced that the content will help women of all ages, including those in their 80s like you who are mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers.

I did not set out to write this book. The data in this book came to me and made me write it. Now the question is, just how did the data make me write this book? Thanks to my Super Star students at the University of Detroit Mercy, I was able to collect some of the data for this book without knowing it at the time. Once a month, I held Life Talk with Lyn Lewis. This allowed students to ask anonymous questions about anything in the field of sociology. Thus, anything that deals with the behavior of people was within the asking zone. Most of their questions were about men, women, and relationships. I began to compile the data for some future use, the specifics of which were beyond me at the time. The more we talked, the more I noticed that students questions laid out a pattern that focused on noncommitted relationships. I examined the data and realized that there were patterns of behavior that fitted distinctive noncommitted categories. I then began to poetically describe some of the behavior that was reported in the questions and responses. The students lamented, Dr. Lewis, you need to write a book on these men. These were the sparks of discourse that lit the formation of this book. Thank you, students for your inquisitiveness, your honesty, and your desire to have a much-needed discussion about a social phenomenon that affects almost all males and females. Your input is greatly appreciated.

A few years ago I took on the position of Adjunct Professor at Wayne County Community College District (WCCCD) and continued the monthly Life Talk in my classes. These Super Star students were also preoccupied with questions and discussions about men, women, and relationships. Their data are a part of this book as well. To all of my WCCCD students, thank you for your contributions to this book and your thoughts about the poems and the chapter titles. Your input helped to fully develop each of the categories of players.

In addition to the data collected from my students Life Talk questions and responses, I kept records of my clients complaints, problems, and issues during my years in private practice as a therapist. I also recorded the discourses that would occur during Friends First, an organization that was formed by three of my friends and colleagues and me. Data collected during male-female relationship workshops and seminars were retained as well. I would recall the most salient points from these sessions and store them for some future use. Thanks to all these clients and participants, this book started to take shape. To all the other men and women, from different walks of life who agreed to be interviewed and reveal their stories, thank you. Your time and cooperation are greatly appreciated.