Allan Pease - Why Men Dont Listen and Women Cant Read Maps

Contents

Acknowledgments

We wish to thank the following people who have contributed directly, indirectly, and often unknowingly to this book.

Ray and Ruth Pease, Bill and Beat Suter, Alison and Mike Tilley, Jaci Eliott, Stella Brocklesby, Paula and Natasha Thompson, Col and Jill Haste, Dr. Desmond Morris, Prof. Detlef Linke, Carole Tonkinson, Prof. Alan Garner, Bronia Szczygiel, John and Sue Macintosh, Kevin Austin, Dr. John Tickell, Dr. Rosie King, Dr. Barry Kitchen, Diana Ritchie, Cadbury Schweppes, Amanda Gore, Esther Rantzen, Melissa, Cameron, and Jasmine Pease, Adam Sellars, Gary Skinner, Mike and Carol Pease, Andy Clarke, Len and Sue Smith, Dr. Dennis Waitley, Fiona and Michael Hedger, Christine Maher, Ray Martin, Dr. Rudi Brasch, Michael Kelly, Prof. Stephen Dain, Christine Craigie, Dr. Themi Garagounas, Prof. Dennis Burnham, Prof. Barbara Gillham, Bryan Cockerill, Leanne Wilson, Geoff Arnold, Lisa Tierney, Robyn McCormick, Kerri-Anne Kennerley, Geoff Birch, Jonathan Norman, Marie Ricot, Julie Fenton, Nick Symons, Peter and Hilary Westwood, Richard and Linda Denny, Angela and Sheila Watson-Challis, Simon Howard, Simon Timothy Lee, Tom Kenyon-Slaney, Tony and Patrica Earle, Darley Anderson, Sue Irvine, Leanne Christie, Anita and Dave Kite, Barry Toepher, Bert Newton, Brendan Walsh, Carrie Siipola, Debbie Tawse, Celia Barnes, Christina Peters, Hannelore Federspiel, David and Jan Goodwin, Eunice and Ken Worden, Frank and Cavill Boggs, Graham and Tracey Dufty, Graham Shields, Grant Sexton, Kaz Lyons, Barry Markoff, Peter Rosetti, Max Hitchins, Debbie Mehrtens, Jack and Valerie Collis, Allison and John Allanson, John Hepworth, Pru Watts, Michael and Sue Rabbit, Michael and Sue Burnett, Michael and Kaye Goldring, Mike Schoettler, Peter and Jill Gosper, Rachel Jones, Ros and Simon Townsend, Sussan Hawryluk, Sue Williams, Terry and Tammy Butler, W. Mitchell, Walter Dickman, Bea Pullar, Alan Collinson, Russell Jeffery, Sandra and Loren Watts, Katrina Flynn, Luke Causby, Peter Draper, Scott Gilmour, Janet Gilmour, Lisa Petrich, Geoff Weatherburn, Dawn Eccles-Simkins, David Orchard, Donn Guthrie, Chris Stewart, Howard Gibbs, Sue McIlwraith, Jules Di Maio, Nathan Haynes, Michael Kelly, and Gary Larson.

Introduction

A SUNDAY DRIVE

I t was a sunny Sunday afternoon as Bob and Sue set out with their three teenage daughters on a lazy drive down to the beach. Bob was at the wheel and Sue sat beside him, turning toward the back every few minutes to join in the animated series of conversations going on among their daughters. To Bob, it sounded as if they were all talking at once, creating an incessant barrage of noise that just didnt make any sense at all. Eventually, hed had enough.

Can you lot please shut up! he yelled.

There was a stunned silence.

Why? asked Sue, eventually.

Because Im trying to drive! he replied, exasperated.

The women looked at each other in complete confusion. Trying to drive? they mumbled.

They could not see any connection between their conversation and his ability to drive. He couldnt understand why they were all speaking simultaneously, sometimes on different subjects, with none of them appearing to listen.

Why couldnt they just keep quiet and let him concentrate on driving? Their talking had already caused him to miss the last turnoff on the highway.

The fundamental problem here is simple: men and women are different. Not better or worsejust different. Scientists, anthropologists, and sociobiologists have known this for years, but they have also been painfully aware that to express this knowledge publicly in a politically correct world could turn them into social pariahs. Society today is determined to believe that men and women possess exactly the same skills, aptitudes, and potentialsjust as science, ironically, is beginning to prove that they are completely different.

And where does this leave us? As a society, on extremely shaky ground. Its only by understanding the differences between men and women that we can really start building on our collective strengths rather than on our individual weaknesses. In this book, we seize upon the enormous advances that have recently been made in human evolutionary science and show how the lessons learned apply to male and female relationships. The conclusions we unearth are controversial. They are confronting. They are, occasionally, extremely disturbing. But they give us all a solid and thorough understanding of the many strange things that happen between men and women. If only Bob and Sue had read it before they had set out....

Why Writing This Book
Was So Tough

This book took us three years and more than 250,000 miles to write. In the course of our research, we studied papers, interviewed experts, and gave seminars throughout Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Thailand, Hong Kong, Malaysia, England, Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Greece, Germany, Holland, Spain, Turkey, the United States, South Africa, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Namibia, and Angola.

One of the most difficult tasks was getting public and private organizations to give their opinions on the facts. For example, less than 1 percent of all commercial airline pilots are female. When we tried to discuss this with airline officials, many were too terrified to offer an opinion for fear of being accused of being sexist or antifemale. Many said no comment and some organizations even made threats about their names being mentioned in our book. Women executives were generally more obliging, although many immediately took a defensive position and saw this research as an attack on feminism without even knowing what it was about. Some of the authoritative opinions we have documented were obtained off the record from corporate executives and university professors in dimly lit rooms, behind closed doors, with guarantees that they were not being quoted or their organizations named. Many had two opinionstheir politically correct public opinion and their real opinion, which was not to be quoted.

You will find this book sometimes challenging, sometimes startling, but always fascinating. While it is based on hard scientific evidence, we have used everyday conversations, beliefs, and scenarios that range from the humorous to the downright hilarious to make sure its fun to read. Our objective in writing this book is to help you learn more about both yourself and the opposite sex, so that your interaction and relationships can be more fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying.

This book is dedicated to all the men and women who have ever sat up at 2 A.M. pulling their hair out as they plead with their partners, But why dont you understand? Relationships fail because men still dont understand why a woman cant be more like a man, and women expect their men to behave just as they do. Not only will this book help you come to grips with the opposite sex, itll help you understand yourself. And how you can both lead happier, healthier, and more harmonious lives as a result.

Barbara and Allan Pease

Chapter 1

Same Species, Different Worlds