Beverly Campbell - You Dont Need to Slay My Dragons, Just Take Out the Trash

Visit us at DeseretBook.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Campbell, Beverly.

You dont need to slay my dragons, just take out the trash/Beverly Campbell.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-1-59038-862-4 (hardbound: alk. paper)

1. Man-woman relationshipsReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 2. Sex roleReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 3. MarriageReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 4. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day SaintsDoctrines. I. Title.

BX8641.C35 2008

248.489332dc22 2007046817

Printed in the United States of America

Publishers Printing, Salt Lake City, UT

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Piercemy friend,
my eternal companion, my hero
whose armor has never tarnished

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to acknowledge and thank all those who have responded to my questionnaires, participated in discussions, and provided the insights and ideas on which this book is based. I would also like to extend a grateful and specific thanks to Jana Erickson, my product director, and to Emily Watts, my editor, who have afforded invaluable professional guidance in the shaping and finalizing of this effort.

Chapter 1

UNDERSTANDING THE DESIGN, EMBRACING THE DIFFERENCES

Since the beginning of modern thought, science has been trying to explain the why and how of the design of mens and womens brains. Early literature suggested the differences to be so far-reaching that women were barred from many meaningful activities, while men were allocated key roles considered to be of import to the community.

Conversely, mid-twentieth-century dialogue directed us to the belief that men and women are essentially the same in all but childbearing. Researchers and others wrote, taught, and seemed to sincerely believe that any differences in feelings, actions, likes, and dislikes could be explained away as the result of our orientation or our acculturation.

Both views were based on information available at that timeand Im sure it comes as no surprise to you that both were seriously flawed. Amazing leaps forward in technology have allowed scientists to examine the brain in ways never before possible. And science has made some exciting and helpful findings regarding our amazing and different divine brain designs.

Science has now shown objectively what most thinking men and women have known all along: Mens and womens brains, thought processes, and intuitive responses are quite different, just as were Adams and Eves. A study cited in Nature, a scientific journal of some stature, suggests that womens brains are much more complex than ever thought. The researchers also found that mens brain activity remains basically the same from day to day and is fairly simple.

Men and women are farther apart than we ever knew... and womens brains are much more complex than we ever imagined.

A Duke University genome expert and one of the authors of the study articulated it this way: Genetically speaking, if youve met one man, youve met them all. We are, I hate to say it, predictable. You cant say that about women. Men and women are farther apart than we ever knew... and womens brains are much more complex than we ever imagined (as quoted in Dowd, Genetically Speaking).

Such broad statements made me want to understand more clearly what his research had uncovered. It seems that our main differences are linked to the fact that men have only 45 chromosomes with which to do their work. In this male experts words: Our 46th is the pathetic Y that has only a few genes which operate below the waist and above the knees. He then went on to note that women have the full 46 chromosomes, and the 46th is a second X that is working at levels greater than we knew (ibid.).

Those researchers believe that men and women really do think differently because of actual physiological differences. Those differences seem to have much more to do with nature (Gods design) than nurture (human shaping).

David Page, a molecular biologist and expert on evolution, writes that the male Y chromosome is the blank slate on which men can blame almost anything. Perhaps that chromosome carries the inability to remember birthdays and anniversaries gene, the fascination with spiders and reptiles gene, the selective hearing loss, or Huh? gene, and the inability to express affection on the phone gene. It may well explain why men have trouble expressing themselves when it comes to emotionstheir genes just havent prepared them to do so (ibid.).

Another researcher, Simon Baron-Cohen of Cambridge University, noted that within twenty-four hours after birth a baby boy will focus on a mobile, a baby girl on a face. Even this early in life, studies thus demonstrate some of the interpersonal detachment and mechanical interest of males versus the desire to read people interest of females (see They Just Cant Help It).

The linear thought process of males has value, as it keeps them focused on the immediate task and allows them to block out extraneous distractions. Their job as hunter-provider often calls for this. Unfortunately this also allows them to block out the baby crying, the children scuffling, and the doorbell ringing.

A womans thought processes move her easily into the networking that signals concern for the greatest good for the greatest number in her caring circle. It seems that women are ever aware of and processing people, events, and responsibilities. Because womens brains work in a networking pattern, they are, as a general rule, consummate multitaskers. They can sort out a variety of voices and needs and include many people in a series of conversations all going on at the same time. They often have several projects going and effortlessly change from one to another.

This drives my husband (and most men I know) crazy. They dont understand how you can be preparing dinner, helping Susie with her homework, monitoring what Jim is doing on the computer, talking on the telephone with a friend, and still hear what they are saying.

Pierce will say, Stop and just listen to me. I can repeat back every word that he has said, along with the intent of those words, and he still doesnt believe I was listening unless thats all I was doing. Mens brains actually may not work in this networking way, so they may have no frame of reference for such ability.

These theories direct us to an understanding of why guys are so good at visual and spatial things like hitting fast-moving balls or making mental maps or compulsively playing and winning at table hockey and X-Box games. It turns out that the focus part of the brain and the ability to shut out all elsewhich underpins those skillsis apparently much more dominant in men than in women (see Hales, The Female Brain, 17284).

Its important to factor into this discussion an awareness that no two men are exactly alike any more than any two women are alike. Supposing you were measuring on a scale from 1 to 10with 1 being alpha male and 10 being omega female. Some men will be at the extreme 1 end of the maleness scale, while others will be much nearer the 5, where awareness and sensitivities move closer to their female counterparts. Most, however, are somewhere between 1 and 5. The same is true for women. Some are going to be at the 6, and they think and respond more similarly to their male counterparts, while others will be at the extreme 10 and respond to almost everything in an extremely female way.