Bruce Ross-Larson - Stunning Sentences (The Effective Writing Series)

The dozens of sentence patterns that Ive identified in the main part of this little book are a start, not a finish. Nor do I delve into the word choices and ideas so important for making sentences truly stunning. And the focus is on expository writing, not fiction.

If you run across exemplars of the structures identified hereor find interesting variants, indeed new speciesplease send them to me at bruce@cdinet.com or browse into www.cdinet.com/AmericanWritingInstitute. Ill try to plug them into the next edition.

Id like to acknowledge the contributions of my colleagues at the American Writing Institute: Amy Cracknell, Andrea Brunholzl, Jessica Moore, Erika Schelble, Kelli Ashley, Alison Smith, and the interns Brendan McCarthy, Adam Calderon, Jessica Henig, and Ana Dahlman. Id also like to acknowledge those of my editorial colleagues at Communications Development who reviewed the manuscript throughout its many stages: Meta de Coquereaumont, Alison Strong, Paul Holtz, Daphne Levitas, and Heidi Gifford. And Id like to thank Clive Crook and Michiko Kakutani for their permission to use the pieces Ive attached at the back as well as the many writers whose individual sentences Ive used as examples.

B RUCE R OSS -L ARSON
Washington, D.C.

MOST people use three or four basic sentence constructionsthe simple, compound, and complex sentences taught in all composition books.

I came to New York to write.

(simple = one independent clause)

I came to New York to write, but it took decades to find a publisher.

(compound = two independent clauses)

Because I was nave and optimistic, I came to New York to write.

(complex = one dependent clause and one independent)

I came to New York, which is a font of inspiration for artists of all types, to write.

(also complex = one independent clause and one dependent)

What most people do to give their sentences (their dunning) variety is merely to multiply their subjects, verbs, objects, complements, phrases, even clauses:

Because I was nave and optimistic, because I wanted to make a dent on literature, and because I needed a change in the direction of my life, I came to New York, which is a font of inspiration for artists of all types, to taste reality, to test limits, to write about both, and to hope for recognition.

Grammatically correct, but

How do you get from the common to the stunning? Not by diagramming sentences, though thats a good start toward understanding a sentences pieces. And certainly not by viewing sentences as simple, compound, or complex. I tried both, neither leading me to understand how good writers use sentence structures to make their writing sing. It was only when I began trying to identify what was unusual about a sentencea dramatic flourish, an elegant repetition, a conversational injectionthat I began to see the patterns Ive classified here.

So, to move from the common to the stunning, begin to look for patterns in good writing that you can emulate. The idea is to build an arsenal of patterns that take you beyond the common. Careful composition of each sentence may seem painstaking, but it is fundamental to developing an individual style. In a single sentence you can convey tone, style, and message. But follow the dictum that spare use of the uncommon is superior to frequent use, which can quickly careen into clich.

Think about length. Theres nothing wrong with the occasional long, decorative sentence (here named the cascade), so long as it is well crafted. But few people today have the patience or the talent to craft a long sentence wellmost only stuff their sentences with extraneous detail. Whats long? Anything more than about twenty-five words, or about two lines of typescript. (I once had the pleasure of editing a three-page sentence by Buckminster Fuller.) The test I put to writers is to read a long sentence aloud. If they stumble, if they gasp for air, the sentence is not well crafted, and the stumbles and gasps show them where to make repairs.

Its important to scrutinize every word, phrase, and clauseto see whether you can cut it to give you a sentence that conveys the same meaning more swiftly. Many of the patterns classified here do just that. The fragment. The deft connection. The stark attachment. The occasional short form. Indeed, much of the editing I do is merely drawing lines through words that clutter a sentence but contribute nothing.

Her novels registered these events most secretly, and her letters registered these events not at all.

Her novels registered these events most secretly, her letters not at all.

For guidance on specific ways to trim the fat from your sentences or to break them into shorter, more digestible bits, see another of my little books, Edit Yourself (Norton, 1996).

Think about where you put each of a sentences building blockseach word, phrase, clause. Add a dash, as I did in the preceding sentence, to set apart a block of words. In the workshops I conduct, I urge people to try to begin separating the movable from the immovable. The subject, verb, and object or complement are usually in a fixed order (usually, because they can sometimes be inverted, to good effect). But the embellishments of prepositional phrases, the complications of that and which clauses, the conditioning by if and when clausesthese, you can move. And you should try them at different places in the sentence to see where they have the best effect. Generally, the earlier a word or phrase appears, the greater the emphasis. Apply this maxim for occasional drama.

Propagandist, moralist, prophetthis is the rising sequence.

A sentences last word or phrase can also be emphatic.

At least two-thirds of us are just plain rich compared to all the rest of the human familyrich in food, rich in clothes, rich in entertainment and amusement, rich in leisure, rich.

The point is: dont give that emphasis away unnecessarily. Choose the word you want to start withparticiples often work well.

Americans, having been struck by an annual outbreak of filial sentiment, make more long-distance calls on Mothers Day than on any other day of the year.

Struck by an annual outbreak of filial sentiment, Americans make more long-distance calls on Mothers Day than on any other day of the year.

And think about balance, to create the soothing rhythms and compelling cadences that give your sentences pace. Trimming a sentences fat helps in this. So does moving a sentences parts to their most felicitous places. But the balance that comes from repeated parts, often in parallel constructions, and from recasts, reversals, and cascades is perhaps most elusive. The reason? Youre not simply cutting or moving things. Youre revising them, inventing them. And that takes more thought.