May Woodworth - Sticky Girls: Why Women Stay in Bad Relationships

A woman sits on a doctors exam table, clad in a flimsy dressing gown. The emergency is over. All wires from the machines used for tests removed. The nurse enters the heart data, blood work, and other pertinent data into the exam room computer. The patient confirms the long list of medications she is taking for asthma, high blood pressure, water retention, low iron, sleep issues, and depression. The nurse enters the high cholesterol reading, and high blood pressure reading. The word given for her weight on the BMI chart is a word she never imagined would be in her file: OBESE.

When the doctor finally bustles into the room, the patient is subdued. She is still mulling over the information she gave the nurse. Werent there too many medications for someone in her late thirties? What about the heart issue earlier that day, which led her to this emergency? Was that normal for a woman her age?

Oh, happy birthday, by the way, the doctor says, scanning the computer screen.

Thanks, the patient mumbles. Her personal relationships are falling apart. Her job is enjoyable, but moneys a continuing anxiety. Her health sucks. Her teenaged children are her joy, yet the inability to meet their needs weighs her down. Hiding marital issues is a huge strain. She does not feel safe in her own home. Going home after work has become more stressful every day. Happy birthday? Not really.

The past is gone. Regretting decisions she made is fruitless. The present is a struggle. The future has a glimmer of hope, but getting there seems impossible. Clinging to difficult relationships and wishing things to be different are not creating joy. It appears less likely shell achieve the success she envisioned when younger.

Does she tell any of this to her doctor? No. Why? Because everyone has told her how strong she is, and letting everyone down is not an option. What does that poster in her office say? Be strong, be brave, and never give up.

However, bravery is not her strength now. She used to be fearless. Now the simple act of leaving the house causes anxiety.

That woman? Me.

When I say that birthday was a pivotal, life-changing day, I am not exaggerating. It was a day to decide if I wanted to continue downhill or choose another path entirely. The heart scare was actually a gift that birthday. It propelled me to make big changes. My body was telling me what my brain ignored: that my heart was literally breaking. The future I had envisioned with my husband was gone. I knew I was in danger of more than a broken heart if I stayed.

* * *

At times you have to do things to survive. At times you have to make decisions right for you . At times we have to listen to our inner voice. Otherwise, you are listening to other peoples voices. When it comes to your survival, you must do what needs to be done.

I rarely discuss what happened during my marriage. I do not even hold ill will toward my ex-husband. It is not only because we had children together, but because he taught me lessons. The way I allowed him to treat me said more about me than it did about him. He was a wakeup call to deal with my own unresolved issues. The physical problems I was experiencing were a sign of a much bigger and deeper issue: spiritual angst. The ongoing struggle to meet everyone elses needs, while ignoring my own, was taking its toll.

Once I took flight and relocated myself, many gifts awaited me. My wealth now is not measured in dollars, but in the inner peace I feel each and every day.

* * *

This is not a book about men vs. women, right vs. wrong, or strong vs. weak. It is a book about finding peace. It is a book to help women whove lost control of their lives to regain it. It is a book to help them take responsibility for the situations they are in, and to change the situations if needed and find a new path forward. The book also explores the many reasons women may cling to bad situations, feel stuck in them. And I hope that not only will this book help such women, but also prevent others from getting into toxic entanglements.

Although sticky behavior appears also in men, the purpose of this book is to explore the issue as it affects the female. These behaviors can take place in heterosexual or same-sex partnerships. For the purpose of this book, I will use male pronouns in reference to the partner.

I wish inner peace for anyone reading this. I hope to give you the necessary tools to find inner peace, or if you have it, how to avoid ever losing it. Peace is not something someone gives you. Peace is a gift you give yourself.

* * *

Over the course of an almost twenty-year career in human services, I counseled prenatal and postpartum women. In addition to any health concerns, these women discussed family life and relationships. I watched their families grow and change. The pressures of parenting are immense, especially when money is a constant source of distress. I was a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board.

As an early-childhood teacher, I had the pleasure of watching infants explore their way through toddler-hood and into kindergarten. I watched their parents transform as well. The financial situations of these couples varied, but relationship and family issues existed for everyone.

While volunteering on a domestic-abuse crisis hotline, I guided callers to the proper agencies and avenues for help. It is there I had to accept the huge problem womankind faces, which in turn leads to a huge problem for all of humankind. That is when I saw the need to help women not get into these sticky situations in the first place.