Steve Eubanks - I Know Nothing about Tennis: A Tennis Players Guide to the Sports History, Equipment, Apparel, Etiquette, Rules, and Language

I KNOW
ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING
ABOUT
TENNIS

A Tennis Players Guide to the
Sports History, Equipment,
Apparel, Etiquette,
Rules, and Language

Tracy Austin and Steve Eubanks

Rutledge Hill Press
Nashville, Tennessee

Copyright 1997 by Tracy Austin and Steve Eubanks

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews and articles.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Rutledge Hill Press, 211 Seventh Avenue North, Nashville, Tennessee 37219.

Distributed in Canada by H. B. Fenn & Company, Ltd., 34 Nixon Road, Bolton, Ontario L7E 1W2.

Distributed in Australia by Millennium Books, 33 Maddox Street, Alexandria NSW 2015.

Distributed in New Zealand by Tandem Press, 2 Rugby Road, Birkenhead, Auckland 10.

Distributed in the United Kingdom by Verulam Publishing, Ltd., 152a Park Street Lane, Park Street, St. Albans, Hertfordshire AL2 2AU.

Typography by D&T Bailey Typesetting, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee

Inside illustrations by David Alden

ISBN: 1-55853-497-0

Printed in the United States of America

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 900 99 98 97

CONTENTS

Few people outside the industry appreciate all the pieces that must fall into place for an idea to transform into bound, printed pages. This book would not be a reality without the selfless efforts of some outstanding people. Among them: our illustrator, David Alden, who has once again created some of the most imaginative and memorable notes ever put on paper; Brian Albert and Teresa Anderson of Advantage International, who brought us together and sparked what has become a burgeoning friendship; Larry Stone, publisher and friend, who shares our vision for the future; Mike Towle, editor, friend, and a champion of all the I Know Absolutely Nothing About books. Special thanks to Dennis Rizza, Kim Perino, and all the staff and friends at the Kramer Club for their technical assistance and advice. Also, thanks to John Austin for his help. And as always, a deeply held love and heartfelt thanks to our spouses and families for their support throughout this process. We could not have done it without them.

When we first began work on this project, we wondered how two people from such opposite ends of the tennis spectrum were ever going to collaborate and find one voice. After all, one of us has won two U.S. Open singles titles and the other has had trouble winning against the ball machine. But it didnt take us long to realize that this is exactly what the I Know Absolutely Nothing About books are all about. We quickly discovered that not only do novices experience overwhelming embarrassment at their ignorance, so do players who have been in the game almost their entire lives. Perhaps those in the latter category take certain knowledge and information for granted, assuming (wrongly) that they already know all pertinent words and phrases. What we learned from working together is that nothing should be taken for granted in teaching about tennis.

Thats why our main character in I Know Absolutely Nothing about Tennis might come across as somewhat naive. No one living in the twentieth century and owning a television set should be quite as clueless as our Stacy. But by placing her in the role of total neophyte, we have, we hope, crafted an enjoyable tale that covers all the basics in tennis. Fair warning: Dont expect to read this book and win major tennis events because of it. What you can expect is that you will learn all the things you need to begin your journey into the wonderful world of tennis. From where to go, what to buy, how to dress, what to ask, and what to expect, this book prepares you for your first experiences on the court. It should help eliminate the anxiety you will likely feel the first time you step onto a tennis court in white shorts or miniskirt with all eyes seemingly on you.

As with all I Know Absolutely Nothing About books, dont expect your local tennis shop or club to give you the kind of sycophantic service accorded our fictitious Stacy. Tennis professionals typically are helpful and courteous, but they are busy people who probably dont have an entire day to devote to you. Thats why we wrote this book. By placing our character in an almost-surreal setting, we let her ask all the questions you are too anxious or embarrassed to ask. And remember, the stupidest questions are the ones never asked.

We cant promise to make you play better, but we are sure you will have a great time. Play well!

Tracy Austin and Steve Eubanks

ONE
HARD COURTSHIP

Stacy is going out of her mind. She stares out the living room window and dusts her favorite end table for the tenth time. The floors have been done, and the last of the moving boxes went out in this mornings trash. A television talk show provides background noise, and Stacy half-listens as the discussion turns to new town bluesstruggling with the pressures and depression of moving.

Stacy and Matt have been in town for six weeks now, and while she loves her new house and Matt loves his new job, Stacy doesnt know anyone. Her nearest friend lives five hundred miles away, and with Matt working extra hours these first few weeks, she has become a reclusive prisoner in their charming white hillside cottage. The last three weeks have been an endless series of television talk shows, trips to the grocer, house-straightening chores, and long-distance phone calls to friends and family who are willing to commiserate with her. She has to do something to meet people or shes going to go bonkers.

The phone rings, and Stacy leaps for it.

Hi, honey, its me, Matt announces. From the background noise, Stacy can tell hes calling from his new office.

Oh, hi, Stacy replies in a deflated tone.

Gee, its good to hear you, too.

Im sorry, Matt. Its just that Ive worked on the computer this morning, read all the books and magazines in the house, and now Im dusting the same piece of furniture and watching talk shows again. Im bored to tears. You know people at work, but I dont know anybody.

I know, honey. Cant you go out and meet some of the neighbors? Matt asks, and then turns away from the phone to speak to a passing coworker.

Stacys voice cracks and tears well up in her eyes. You dont understand at all, do you? What do you want me to do, walk up to a neighbor and say, Hi, we just moved in and Im bored? I cant do that.

Im sorry, Stacy, Matt reacts, immediately aware that his lack of sensitivity just added to the problem. Look, I think Ive got the answer. Its a month away, but Ive entered us in a mixed doubles tennis tournament that the company puts on every year. Everybody from the office will be there with their spouses. Youll meet a lot of people and

You what? Stacy yells into the phone. Im telling you that Im losing my mind here, and you try to cheer me up by telling me youve entered us in a tennis tournament! I know absolutely nothing about tennis. Nothing! How am I supposed to play a tournament in a month? I dont even know where to start. I cant believe youd do this. Count me out.

Stacy, relax, lots of beginners play in this thing. According to Sam, its more of a social gathering than a tournament. Nobodys out for blood or glory.

Yeah, right, she snaps.

Look, youll be fine. Youre a good athlete, and this is a great opportunity for you to meet everyone.

Stacy takes a deep breath. The anxiety shes feeling isnt Matts fault, and she knows she shouldnt throw all this onto him. Im sorry, Matt, she concedes.

Its okay, honey. Im sorry, too. I know youre bored and stressed out from the move, but this is a great chance for you to meet everybody and make some friends.