Dietmar Hamann [Dietmar Hamann] - The Didi Man

Copyright 2012 Dietmar Hamann

The right of Dietmar Hamann to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.

First published as an Ebook by Headline Publishing Group in 2012

Every effort has been made to fulfil requirements with regard to reproducing copyright material. The author and publisher will be glad to rectify any omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Cataloguing in Publication Data is available from the British Library

eISBN: 9780755362820

HEADLINE PUBLISHING GROUP

An Hachette UK Company

338 Euston Road

London NW1 3BH

www.headline.co.uk

www.hachette.co.uk

Dietmar Didi Hamann is a complete one-off. The foreigner with a Scouse accent. The German who now plays cricket for his local village team. The overseas footballer turned anglophile who fell deeply in love with the city of Liverpool, its people and its eponymous football club.

The classy midfielder had a long and distinguished playing career, but it was his seven seasons at Anfield that marked him out forever as a true Liverpool legend. His cult status was secured when he came off the bench at half-time during the Champions League final in Istanbul to inspire his team to a dramatic come-back and spectacular European glory.

The Didi Man is Hamanns warm, personal and highly entertaining story of his time on Merseyside, playing for a football club which will always have a very special place in his heart.

Born in Waldsassen in Germany in 1973, Dietmar Hamann played football for Wacker Munich, Bayern Munich, Newcastle United, Liverpool, Manchester City and Milton Keynes Dons.

In club football, Hamann is much decorated, having won two Bundesliga titles, the German FA and League Cups, two UEFA Cups, two FA Cups, two League Cups and a Champions League winners medal. At international level, he won 59 caps for his native Germany and has a 2002 World Cup runners-up medal for his efforts. In 2010 Hamann became player/coach at Milton Keynes Dons and in 2011 he joined Leicester City as a first team coach. His first spell in football management came at Stockport County.

Malcolm McClean helped Didi put his story on the page. Malcolm is the founder of The School of Curiosity, The Its a Goal Foundation and Bearhunt.

Whenever I have read a foreword in someones book its always clear to me that it has been written by a friend of the author. Its always full of praise for the authors endeavours that have led to the publication of the book in order to whet the readers appetite for what is to come. I am not going to do that for two reasons. One, I am not Didi Hamanns friend; and two, I spent years watching Didi play and if the foreword of a book is like the literary equivalent of a prematch warmup, I have decided to act as Didi did in every game I saw him warm up for, by putting in no effort whatsoever.

Every Liverpool supporter will recall the feeling of anticipation before the game taking your seat, talking about possible formations, tactics, game plans and scenarios that we might see in the course of the next ninety minutes. Then looking at the players warming up in the same way you would look at racehorses before a race, trying to see the telltale signs of who was best prepared for what was to come. Then you would see Didi Hamann looking like someone in a shoe shop with his wife. His face seeming to suggest that he knew he had to be there but he would rather be in the pub or on the couch with a cup of tea.

Other players would be bending and stretching, pulling this way and that so that the muscles in their finely tuned bodies were ready to burst into action. Ive only ever seen Didi touch his toes once and that was when we played Fulham in the 2003/04 season when he bent over to tie his bootlaces.

The reality was that Didi came alive when the whistle blew and he had the ability to make something brilliant look easy. It always seemed to be that the bigger the game the more he took it in his stride and he would often leave the field looking like he had in fact wandered around a shoe shop rather than playing at the highest level of the greatest game in the world. All that Didi needed to do was to convert his World Cup runners-up medal to a winners medal, pick up a EURO and a Premier League title and he would have then won every single trophy you can win in Germany, England and the world. Three medals away from a full set for a man who looked like he drove a van to work.

I think I need to clarify my earlier comment about Didi not being my friend. I do like the man, I like him a lot, and I have been lucky enough to spend time with him socially. Anyone who has done so will tell you that it is so enjoyable that you find yourself thinking that every stereotype you have about Germans is wrong. He is not in the least bit efficient, I have never met anyone who forgets what he is meant to be doing so often. He is a million miles from being stylish, and often looks like an eight-year-old who insists on dressing himself even though nothing matches. Hes funny too. Very, very funny. Perhaps the reason he has stayed so long in England is that he simply does not belong in Germany any more. How many inefficient, badly dressed, funny Germans do you know?

No. The reason I said he is not my friend is because you do not keep secrets from friends (unless you are John Terry but that is another story), but I have always kept a secret from Didi, and that is that he changed my life and I owe much of what I am today to him. Not just him obviously, there have been loads of people who have influenced my life, but I am a comedian today due in no small part to the events of 25 May 2005.

In 2005, as Liverpool were progressing through the Champions League and stand-up comedy was just a sideline for me, I had a proper job. One day I was called into my bosss office and was told that my job depended upon me attending a meeting on 25 May. This was the same day that the final was to be played in Istanbul. The problem was that the meeting was to be in Seattle on the west coast of America, and it was physically impossible to be in both places at once.

Even after the momentous semi-final win against Chelsea, when I danced on the Kop and celebrated with my mates, I knew that I could not go to the final. It had been made clear to me that if I did not go to Seattle I would not have a job, so I reluctantly gave my ticket to one of my mates and boarded the plane for America.

Once in the States it became apparent that the meeting was not such a big deal and though I could not get to Istanbul, provided I caught all the right connections I could get home to watch the match in my own house.

Nineteen hours later I came through the door with ten minutes to spare before kick-off. All of my mates who had gone to Istanbul had sent their wives and kids to our house. I was the only man in the room. Little girls were all doing cartwheels in front of the telly. Im thinking, What the hell am I doing here? I should be in Istanbul.