Kelly Williams Brown - Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps

Whats that you say? Youre a colossal sham who will never have your life in order? One who eats microwave taquitos in lieu of breakfast? One who has many dead bugs trapped between the windowpanes in your bedroom, which doesnt make sense, because how did they even get there? One whose actions do not reflect the fact that, chronologically, you are absolutely, completely, and undeniably an adult?

Yes. Of course you think that. Everyone does. There is not one adult on this earth who has not felt the deep, unsettling feeling that their life is wobbly and unmanageable, no matter how diligently they sort the recycling and iron their sensible slacks. This is supported by the popular, though incorrect, perception that youre surrounded by people who have it together while you flop around like a fish who cant remember to pay her water bill.

We look jealously around at others, noting their lack of grubby visible bra straps or crusty under-eye mascara sprinkles, and its hard not to be resentful. Why you and not me? you think, squinting angrily at this person who probably has a beautiful apartment and an actual career and a boyfriend who never uses a skateboard to go from place to place.

But perhaps he has $12.37 in his checking account, or she has no idea how to cook anything, or he slowly lets his car rot from inside rather than pony up the thirty bucks to get the oil changed. Chances are good that person is looking at you the same way.

We all sense our own dysfunction so clearly. And because we cant do that one thing whether it be keeping a clean house, not feeling shy and awkward at work, or having a credit score of 750 we assign it a high priority on our own personal Things That You Must Be Good At If You Wish To Be A Functional Adult list. We dont remember the fourteen things we do reasonably well; we remember our one arena of miserable failure.

There are certain parts of being a grown-up that come easily to us, and some that dont. When I asked people what advice they have, theyd say, Well, this probably seems really obvious, but [thing that was not at all obvious but afterward did , in fact, seem obvious and a little embarrassing that someone had to tell a twenty-seven-year-old].

For example, I am really, really bad at keeping my house clean. I am good at lots of things, but noticing dirt in crevices is not one of them. In fact, I do not even see the crevice itself. It may as well not exist . So while I dont need to worry about, say, honing my thank-you-note-writing skills, I do need to figure out how to see the crevices that others do. Then I have to remind myself of those crevices, at least once a week.

It is these small discoveries and decisions that, in the end, allow you to behave like an adult. Its developing those good habits; its having toast with peanut butter instead of cigarettes for breakfast. Its not always, or even usually, fun. But it has perks personal pride, financial security, and the feeling of accomplishment and control that comes when you just swap in a new toilet paper roll rather than resorting to fast-food napkins.

You cant control the economy, or whether youre single, or when your cat decides to vomit neon orange tummy contents onto your white rug. What is she even eating that is that color? But there are lots of things you can control, and lots of decisions are up to you.

It feels like there are all these things that People Should Know, and if you dont know them, it means youre stupid. Youre not. Not knowing how to sew on a button isnt the end of the world. Just figure out how to sew it on rather than obsessing about why you dont know, then tumbling down into the Why Am I Like This Canyon. Fill that gap, and then not only will you know how to sew on that button, but you will feel all grown-up and powerful. So go forth, perform these steps (if you want!), check them all off, and feel smug at your newfound adult skills.

Here is what Im trying to tell you: Adult isnt a noun, its a verb. Its the act of making correctly those small decisions that fill our day. It is one that you can practice, and that can be done in concrete steps. And if you slip up and have Diet Coke for breakfast, no one busts in and snatches away your Adult card. Just move forward and have milk tomorrow.