Diana Richardson - Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

To the Revolution that Heralds Our Evolution

Recently, I invited my longest-standing erotic partner to read Dianas book on conscious sex. Our love connection had been dead for more than twenty years. No ecstatic experience left, dead, dead, dead.

We naturally, effortlessly started following the instructions in the book, inspired and transported by something in it, something new and loving, some energy and wisdom emanating from its pages. Lo and behold, we spent the next two weeks in five-to nine-hour sessions, reaching a state so beautiful I wanted to stay there forever.

I had never understood why people called sex making love and here we were making, within ourselves and between us, a tangible love energy. My intelligent penis knew when my partners vagina was open. It knew to stay cool, in that receptive state where it was guiding me, it knew when to penetrate and how. My heart was in joy, my whole body felt touched by her vagina. We remained for hours in this glow, losing all sense of time. A few times I felt her heart touching my penis from very deep in the vagina. She had not self-lubricated in decades; she had lost contact with the vagina, now it became alive. At one point she said, glowing in deep appreciation and love: I feel like a woman for the first time in my life.

SLOW
SEX

Like everything else in this fast-forward world, our sex lives have been infected by the virus of hurry. Slow Sex is the perfect antidote. With warmth and wisdom, Diana Richardson shows how slowing down in the bedroom can bring us better sex, better relationships, and a better world. What are you waiting for? The time has come to unleash your inner tortoise in the bedroom!

CARL HONOR, AUTHOR OFIN PRAISE OF SLOWNESS

How rare it is for a book to appear about sex and sensuality with a truly fresh and innovative approach. Diana Richardson has crafted a masterpiece that is warm, evocative, timely, and accessible to everyone. Her wise and inviting style will welcome you into a fascinating new world where your experience of sexuality will be forever changed. If youve wanted just one book that could give you the most simple and powerful access into the ancient, beautiful world of Tantra, here it is...

MARC DAVID, AUTHOR OFTHE SLOW DOWN DIET AND
FOUNDER OF THE INSTITUTE FOR THE PSYCHOLOGY OF EATING

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My heartfelt thanks to Marc David, whose book The Slow Down Diet arrived in my life as if by divine hand to become an inspiration far beyond anything I had ever anticipated. I am very grateful for his generosity in allowing me to use his words, which appear as short extracts throughout this book.

I also wish to extend my deepest gratitude to the couples I have met in my workshops over the years for their trust, and for giving me endless inspiration and encouragement by being living and loving endorsements that man and woman thrive and flourish on slow sex.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

INTRODUCTION

Curing the Speed Disease

I n keeping with the emerging Slow Food movement, I was delighted when my publisher suggested that I write a book entitled Slow Sex. This is a subject that is dear to my heart. My partner, Michael, and I have been facilitating weeklong Making Love retreats for couples since 1993. During these retreats we teach couples to take a fresh approach toward sexto slow down and be fully present to each moment while having sex together, rather than practice more active sex that strives so intensely toward orgasm that it misses the subtler nuances of union along the way.

In short, we teach couples how to cultivate a slow sex practice. It is crystal clear to both of us that when couples engage in sex at a more leisurely pace, in which each moment is slowly savored and relished with awareness, they experience more sensitivity, sensuality, and satisfaction. Afterward they feel deeply nourished by love, empowered as a couple, and significantly, equally empowered as individuals too.

Recently a friend suggested I read The Slow Down Diet: Eating for Pleasure, Energy, and Weight Loss by Marc David. This book turned out to be an exceptional source of information, insight, and inspirationnot just in relation to food, but also in relation to sex. Marc David is a professional nutritionist with a masters degree in the psychology of eating. Through his own personal experiences in the practice of yoga, he became acquainted with the existence of eight universal metabolic enhancers that are transubstantial, meaning above and beyond the realm of matter. Two examples of these universal metabolic forces are relaxation and awareness. When applied directly to eating, they are the greatest enhancers of digestion, nutrition, and maintenance of appropriate body weight. That is, when we slow down enough to be fully aware of the food we are eatingtaste it, savor it, and make time for relaxation at the dining tablethe food nourishes us in ways that no food can when it is wolfed down or gobbled on the run.

Every cell in my body resonated deeply with Davids words. I realized that the transubstantial metabolic enhancers he recommends for health, nutrition, and maintenance of optimum weight are undeniably similar to the suggestions I offer couples seeking more satisfying sexual experiences and more loving relationships. These universal metabolic forces and their powerful effects on human sexuality hold absolutely true in my own personal experience. Just as we allow our food to nourish our bodies by eating more slowly, by practicing slow sex we allow our sexual relationships to nourish our bodies, hearts, and souls.

The first step is to change our minds about sex. A shift in perspective opens new doors of experience for the body, giving it space to express itself. Usually our ideas about sex are forced onto the body, pushing it to cooperate and fulfill the many expectations and desires we associate with sex. Such pressures have made sex a hurried and single-minded act, whereas the body is inwardly thrilled with a slow, languid, expansive sexual exchange. Rather than do so much in sex, the body prefers to be in sex. This requires an acute awareness of the present moment. In slow sex, instead of getting involved in building to a climax, you take a step back and witness yourself. You are not so hot; instead you become more cool. Slowness takes the heat out of sex, which is a good thing, because bliss and ecstasy plant their delicate roots in a cool environment, not a hot one.

For the same reason, sexual arousal is not a prerequisite. You dont need to heat up with excitement. Instead, you discover how to fall back into your body, to be more aware and relaxed, with a sense of not really going anywhere special. It doesnt require lots of energy to engage in, or sustain, slow sex. And herein lies one of the main blessings of a slow sex practiceit is a sustainable practice particularly well suited to long-term committed couples. Over a period of many years it is natural for a couple to experience a certain amount of cooling down in sex, because its simply not possible to stay hot and excited about each other forever. There has to be some maturing, some settling, some turning inward toward resources that lie within yourself, rather than outside of yourself. The nature of heat is that it has to cool down eventually. Coolness is sustainable and it has an eternal quality. This makes slow sex a practice that can grow, deepen, and develop over time. It is a practice that generates love and harmony, creating balance within each person and between two lovers.