Oliver Benjamin - The Abide Guide. Living Like Lebowski

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Table of Contents

To all the Dudeist priests around the world.
Proud we are of all of you.
Lord, you can imagine where it goes from here.

I

Innerductions

IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE DUDE WAY...

I wouldnt call the Dude Way a Deity, cause whats a Deity?

The Dude Way, well, it fits right in there as the lazy source of this here universe. Verily, though, it did not run around trying to create this time and place in a single week. That would have been too exhausting, even with the seventh day off.

No, across the spans of time, the Dude Way just took it easy, warshing along the ever-expanding cusp of the cosmos like fresh cream pouring into a bottomless sea of dark Kahla. And wherever the Dude Way abided, there emerged naturally an infinite array of suns, and planets, and galaxies, and other universes, and what-have-you.

And that was cool. That was cool.

Over countless eons, the Dude Way unfolded an intricate web of life throughout the vast universe. Everything in that web was interconnected to everything else in the web and everything grooved together in cosmic balance through the Dude Way.

And that was cool. That was cool.

A small part of that cosmic web of life consisted of some forms of life I want to tell you about, some life-forms by the name of human beings. Now, these human beings grew from a pale blue dot somewhere in the remote regions of the cosmosand this dot was called Earth. For a time, these life-forms abided in harmony with the natural rhythms of the Dude Way.

Just walking around, throwing rocks, having the occasional mushroom flashback.

And that was cool. That was cool.

But then many human beings forgot the Dude Way and their thinking about the purpose of life became too uptight. They made up things called weekdays, and jobs, and infomercials and ran around much of their lives wondering where to find something else they made up called the money.

Instead of humans who were simply being, they had become overachieving humans. And verily, it was sore exhausting.

Throughout millennia of negative energy, some humans looked around and saw all the stress talking and said, Fuck it. And they abided in the Dude Way, just taking it easy for all us uptight sinners out here.

And that was cool. That was cool.

Every so often, these Great Dudes would ramble around reminding the overachieving humans about takin er easy in the Dude Way. Many humans wondered what in Gods holy name these Great Dudes were blathering about. Some of the exhausted humans, though, were listening to the Great Dudes story. And they did yearn to turn away from a world gone crazy and simply abide.

And lo, on March 6, 1998, they became like little children who wandered into the middle of a movie when the Coen Brothers The Big Lebowski appeared in a multiplex near you. And the glory of the Dude Way (embodied by the Dude) was projected onto the collective consciousness around the pale blue dot. And, with the exception of some reactionary movie critics, many humans were verily amused and wanted to turn away from overachieving and return to simply being.

And the movie said unto them, The Dude abidesTake comfort in that.

And this became a sign unto humans everywhere: Ye shall abide, too, even in the middle of a weekday, dressed like that.

And suddenly there was with the movie a great multidude abiding in the Dude Way, many of them bowling, drinking Caucasians, listening to whale songs, wearing bathrobes to supermarkets, going out to look for a cash machine, having occasional acid flashbacks, and proclaiming to the pale blue dot: Is this awhat day is this?

And that was cool. Fabulous stuff, man.

THE WHOLE DURN DUDEIST COMEDY

Pre-Ramble

We, the Dudeists, in order to form a more perfect groovin, establish just taking it easy, and promote inner tranquility, do ordain and establish this guide on abiding.

For in this world there are two paths you can go by, as a Great Dude in history once crooned.

Theres the uptight way and theres the Dude Way.

Rushing down the uptight way, chasing after bullshit money that never existed anyway, you race past important things in life like enjoying some burgers, some beers, and a few laughs, only to crash too soon into the end of your life, where youre left wondering, Aw, man, whats that smell?

Its a bummer, man.

Fortunately, theres an exit you can take from the uptight way. Its a route we want to tell you aboutsomething called abiding in the Dude Way, an ancient, almost-forgotten road that sidesteps the seamy valleys, ransom hand-offs, and abutment lodgings of life.

Thats what this here book aims to do. But before we get started, wed like to answer a question that some of our readers are probably asking right about now.

What the Fuck Are We Blathering About?

Thats a fair enough question.

Although there are over 120,000 ordained Dudeist priests around the world currently taking it easy for all you sinners out there, that still leaves 5,999,880,000 people (give or take a few) who have absolutely no clue what the Church of the Latter-Dude is or what Dudeism is all about.

As founders of the worlds slowest-growing religion, were cool with that. All that proselytizing and converting, condemning and persecuting, crusading and jihading that some of our compeers in the worlds Big Beliefskis go through to feed the bull-dogmawell, it all just seems exhausting.

Its certainly not the kind of missionary position we prefer.

Still, with so many folks living such stressed-out lives these days, weve decided to put aside our strict regimen of lounging around on our holy hammocks and sacred sofas to enlighten up an uptight world thats apparently gone crazy.

Why? Because we believe that times like these call for living more like Lebowskiand were talking about the Dude here.

The Dudeist Frame of Reference

For Dudeists, The Big Lebowski is more than just a movie. Its a way of life, the philosophical rug that really ties the universe together.

Thats a hefty claim to make about a film, especially one that flopped when the Coen Brothers released it back in 1998. It may even sound downright silly or even sacrilegious for us to make such a claim about something that is, after all, merely entertainment.

However, were not trying to scam anyone here. If we understand it correctly, mere entertainment has always been an essential part of religious life, especially in Western civilization. Ancient Greek comedies and tragedies, for example, were integral to Athens sacred civic ceremonies. Medieval morality plays promoted Christian values to a wide audience more effectively than priests blathering Latin from the pulpit. These forms of mere entertainment served the vital function of unifying folks into communities and helped to create, promote, and reinforce the very ethos of our culture.

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