Bryans - Never chase men again : 38 dating secrets to get the guy, keep him interested, and prevent dead-end relationships

Introduction

We all make dating and relationship mistakes. Im sure youcan remember the exact moment you lost interest in some of the guys you used todate. It probably happened in an instant where the poor fool had no idea thatit was something he said or did that onetime that caused you to kick him to the curb. On the other hand, it mighthave happened slowly over time, where it was a series of events or repeatedbehaviors that slowly turned you off of himfor good.

If this sort of thing can happen to men it can happen towomen as well. And it doesveryoften.

Sometimes there are things that a woman does early on in anew romance that may make a man become distant, lose interest almost instantly,or even force him to place her in the friend-zone or worse, the friends-with-benefitscategory. These are the type of mistakes that usually happen during the firstfew weeks of dating, before a serious relationship even has a chance todevelop.

But even after a serious relationship has formed, there arecertain dating mistakes that women make that great guys see as big red flags. Thesesorts of mistakes cause men to breakup with a woman or even demote her so that again, she findsherself as nothing more than a friend-with-benefits. This sort of situation isactually worse than when it happens during those first few weeks because youwould have wasted so much of your time and affection on a man who either didntdeserve it or who wasnt right for you to begin with.

The thing is, if a man doesnt take you seriously then hemay feel compelled to have a good time with you. And this good time will lastuntil you realize that youre being taken for a ride or he finds his Mrs.Right. I personally believe that if a woman values her dignity (and her sanity),it would be in her best interest not to wait for the latter to occur.

In cases like this, what a woman really requires are twothings: a healthy amount of self-respect and a set of dating guidelines thatwill allow her to make tough, rational decisions as she navigates thetreacherous territory of finding Mr. Right.

Strong Boundaries vs.Game-Playing

A lot of dating and relationship books for women tout theidea that a high level of confidence is key when dealing with men if you wantto be taken seriously and get what you want. I completely agree, but with onecaveat: Being confident, at least in regards to making a man pursue you, ispointless without understanding how to applythat confidence when dealing with men.

A womans confidence is communicated to a man by what shestands for and what she doesnt. Being able to confidently socialize with men,having confident body language, and illustrating confidence in your femininity(in the way you dress and carry yourself) will only go so far if you stillallow men to have their way with your emotions, time, affections, body, andanything else for that matter. Self-confidence makes a woman more attractive, butunless it effects how she enforces her personal boundaries it wont do anythingto keep a man interested in her for the long-term.

The other problem with simply telling women to beconfident is that a high level of self-confidence does not guarantee discernmentin dating. In other words, confidence does not necessarily translate intojudiciousness when dealing with men. You can be as confident as Kanye West onGrammy night and still be taken for a ride by a man who possesses bothconfidence AND cleverness.

Unfortunately, a womans level of judiciousness when dealingwith men can only come from experience. And though learning about the datingexperiences of other women can teach you a whole lot about dealing confidentlywith men, in the heat of the moment, when your emotions and desire for a guyare overwhelming, its going to be extremely difficult for you to think clearlyand make judicious decisions.

So whats a girl to do then?

Well, since self-confidence without cleverness can only goso far, the most reliable weapon a woman has when it comes to dealing with menis the strength of her own personal boundaries, regardless of the situation. Women with strong personal boundariesare principle-centered, not men-centered or romance-centered. To them, theirpersonal values, such as being treated with unconditional love, are moreimportant to them than needing to be with any one particular guy.

When a woman has strong personal boundaries when dealingwith men she doesnt make excuses because of a mans handsomeness, status,wealth, race, background, promises, sexual chemistry, etc. She sticks to herguns and refuses to settle for dating situations that are a win-lose for her;win-lose meaning that the guy wins at her expense.

In fact, a woman with both strong personal boundaries AND highmoral character will refuse to be in a dating situation in which its a win-loseto either herself or the gentleman in question. Sometimes you may find yourselfin a situation where you can easily take advantage of a guy, where you can win at his expense. The higher your values are however, the less likelyyou are to take advantage of this sort of arrangement because you know that healthy relationships are always win-win.

In order to succeed with men you must possess strong personal boundaries and know when to say NO, withdraw, or move onfrom a win-lose dating situation. This is why some women tend to get confusedwhen they read one book suggesting that men dont want women who play games andyet another book that says the only way to win with men is to play games andact hard-to-get. Theyre confused because theyre usually missing thefoundational core of the hard-to-get message.

Heres the truth once and for all: High-quality men DO NOTpursue women who feign disinterest, act flaky, or play games just to keep theminterested. However, what these men do respect are women who have a zero tolerancepolicy for time wasting and being manipulated.

Did you get that?