Rick Johnson - Power of a Man, The: Using Your Influence as a Man of Character

the
POWER
of a
MAN

USING Your INFLUENCE
as a MAN of CHARACTER

RICK JOHNSON

2009 by Rick Johnson

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Johnson, Rick, 1956

The power of a man : using your influence as a man of character / Rick Johnson.

p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8007-3249-3 (pbk.)

1. Men (Christian theology) 2. Character. 3. Influence (Psychology) Religious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BT703.5.J64 2009
248.8'42dc22

2008040546

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture marked NKJV is taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Published in association with the literary agency of WordServe Literary Group, Ltd., 10152 S. Knoll Circle, Highlands Ranch, CO 80130.

This book is dedicated to all good men past, present, and future. You make a difference.

Contents

N O BOOK EVER gets written and published by one personthe author is just fortunate enough to get the credit for it. With that in mind Id like to acknowledge and thank the following people:

My agent, Greg Johnson, for his wisdom and guidance.

My most excellent editor, Dr. Vicki Crumpton. Weve worked on many books together, and she thinks more like a man than most men do (thats a compliment, Vicki). Even though all my best writing ends up quivering on the cutting room floor, slashed and bleeding from your razor-sharp red pen, your contributions make people think I am a much better writer than I really am.

The great team of people at Revell/Baker Publishing, including Suzie Cross (for putting up with me), Twila Bennett (for believing in my vision when many others didnt), Katy Pent (for her support, encouragement, enthusiasm, and prayers), Claudia Marsh (for promoting my books), Deonne Beron (publicity), and Dan Baker (for introducing me to Choice Books).

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge at least some of the men who taught me what it means to be a manand most of them wrote about it better than I am able: Dr. Frank Pittman, Stu Weber, Steve Farrar, John Eldredge, Ken Canfield, Patrick Morley, and Michael Gurian.

Finally, Id like to thank my dad, Richard Landsverk, for being proud of me, and for being a man I can be proud to call my father. Those two things make a big difference in my life.

You have a chance to define a new kind of manhood. If you do it well, it will be a manhood in which men do not cheapen themselves and the women around them by the kind of casual, brittle talk that turns women into objects and sex into sport. It will be a manhood in which men see the effects of their gestures and words and most well-intentioned actions.... It will be a world where we can love together, laugh together, and work together without fear and without judgment; a world of celebration, not a world of accusation and apology and unexamined assumptions.

Kent Nerburn, Letters to My Son

So many men I talk to say they are living only for duty, be responsible... lonely, always on, no one there for them, no one they can depend on, no meaning to life, the pressure is always on. We buy into our cultures myth of putting our nose to the grindstone in order to be successful in life as young men. Then we wake up in our forties, unhappy, realizing weve done nothing of significance with our lives. And we unintentionally pass on that vision of life to our boys as well. So many normal adolescent males reach college age with holes inside themselves, deep holes they will fill later, in their twenties, with money, status, or some other real or illusionary power.

Michael Gurian, A Fine Young Man

1
Raging Bull

O NCE UPON A time there was a man who had been raised in an alcoholic (drug addicted/dysfunctional/ abusiveyou fill in the blank) home. It was a fearful environment and he was afraid a lot. He hated those feelings even as a young boy because they made him feel unmanly.

When he was twelve years old, he found out during a drunken argument between his parents that his father was actually his stepfather. It explained why his father had so much contempt for him and wanted nothing to do with him.

About this time the boy made a huge discovery. He realized that if he just got mad, he did not have to feel those humiliating emotions of being scared and afraid any longer. As the boy grew into adolescence, he became very angry. He became known as the fighting guy, and many other kids were afraid of him. He was angry because he was actually afraid. Everything was so difficult. Without a positive male role model to show him how a man lives life, makes decisions, and solves problems, the young man was forever having to discover things on his own. It was frustrating because he made many mistakes and often had to do things over and over again until he figured them out on his own. Failing at things also caused him to be humiliated and angry. Other kids laughed at him when he messed up. As his anger and frustration mounted, he began to strike out at others. He wanted to hurt them before they could hurt him or, even worse, laugh at him and mock him for his failures. Worst of all, the young man did not know how to be a man, or even if he was a man. He had never been shown how a successful, authentically masculine man lives and succeeds at life. So he tried all the things that the world told him would make him manlyhe bedded fatherless girls, he was prideful, he fought those who he perceived were disrespectful to him, he worked hard, he drank large quantities of booze, he smoked cigarettes, and he became a loner.

Life became about survival, and so even though he was smart and athletic, school, grades, sports, college scholarships, and even the future were of less importance than surviving and protecting his heart.

He grew older and became an islanda rock of ice. And he was alone, never needing anyone, because then he would never have to take a chance on being hurt again by anyone. He took drugs to dull the pain and fill the void he felt. He was a hard manhe didnt cut himself or anyone else any slack.

And he was miserable. But it would not be manly to admit pain, fear, and uncertainty. So he stuffed it deep within himself. Because thats what real men do. Or so he thought.

Because of all these reasons, he made poor choices early in his life. In his rage and anger against the injustice of being a lost and lonely man who did not know how to navigate the difficulties of life, he grasped at other role models of masculinity who seemed manly to him. He followed their leadership and lived a self-centered existence, using others for his own personal gratification.