James Howe - Addie on the Inside

Addie
on the Inside

Novels
A Night Without Stars
Morgans Zoo
The Watcher
The Misfits
Totally Joe

Edited by James Howe
The Color of Absence: Twelve Stories About Loss and Hope
13: Thirteen Stories That Capture the Agony and Ecstasy

of Being Thirteen

Sebastian Barth Mysteries
What Eric Knew
Stage Fright
Eat Your Poison, Dear
Dew Drop Dead

Bunnicula Books
Bunnicula (with Deborah Howe)
Howliday Inn
The Celery Stalks at Midnight
Nighty-Nightmare
Return to Howliday Inn
Bunnicula Strikes Again!
Bunnicula Meets Edgar Allan Crow

Tales from the House of Bunnicula
It Came from Beneath the Bed!
Invasion of the Mind Swappers from Asteroid 6!
Howie Monroe and the Doghouse of Doom
Screaming Mummies of the Pharaohs Tomb II
Bud Barkin, Private Eye
The Amazing Odorous Adventures of Stinky Dog

Bunnicula and Friends
The Vampire Bunny
Hot Fudge
Rabbit-cadabra!
Scared Silly
Creepy-Crawly Birthday
The Fright Before Christmas

Pinky and Rex Series
Pinky and Rex
Pinky and Rex Get Married
Pinky and Rex and the Mean Old Witch
Pinky and Rex and the Spelling Bee
Pinky and Rex Go to Camp
Pinky and Rex and the New Baby
Pinky and Rex and the Double-Dad Weekend
Pinky and Rex and the Bully
Pinky and Rex and the New Neighbors
Pinky and Rex and the Perfect Pumpkin
Pinky and Rex and the School Play
Pinky and Rex and the Just-Right Pet

Picture Books
Theres a Monster Under My Bed
Theres a Dragon in My Sleeping Bag
Teddy Bears Scrapbook (with Deborah Howe)
Horace and Morris but mostly Dolores
Horace and Morris Join the Chorus (but what about Dolores?)
Kaddish for Grandpa in Jesus name amen
Horace and Morris Say Cheese (which makes Dolores sneeze!)

ATHENEUM BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Childrens Publishing Division
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events,
real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places,
and incidents are products of the authors imagination, and any resemblance
to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright 2011 by James Howe
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
ATHENEUM BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event.
For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers
Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com .
The text for this book is set in Gotham.
Manufactured in the United States of America
First Edition
2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Howe, James, 1946
Addie on the inside / James Howe. 1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Outspoken thirteen-year-old Addie Carle learns about love,
loss, and staying true to herself as she navigates seventh grade, enjoys
a visit from her grandmother, fights with her boyfriend, and endures
gossip and meanness from her former best friend.
ISBN 978-1-4169-1384-9 (hardcover)
eISBN-13: 978-1-4424-2381-7
[1. Novels in verse. 2. IdentityFiction. 3. Self-acceptanceFiction.
4. GrandmothersFiction. 5. SchoolsFiction.
6. Interpersonal relationsFiction.]
I. Title.
PZ7.5.H69Ad 2011
[Fic]dc22 2010024497

To Zoey

The poems that follow
are written in the voice of
Addie on the inside.

But this poem is written
from me to you,
writer to reader.

I want to ask you:
Who do you see
when you think of me?

Am I young or old,
wise or a fool,
teacher or friend?

Who do you see
when you think of you?
Are you an outsider,

cool, distant, angry,
swimming against the current,
or are you in the flow?

When they tell you,
This is who you are,
do you say yes or no?

Who do you see
when you look at them?
You know the ones I mean:

the others, the olders,
the youngers, the ones
who are not you, not

like you or your friends,
who wear the labels
you give them until

they give them back,
saying, I believe these
belong to you.

Who do you see when a girl
like Addie walks down the hall,
sharp-eyed, tall,

when a girl like Addie
raises her hand in class
for the hundredth time

offering opinion as fact
and outrage as opinion,
wearing her attitudes

more comfortably than her
less than awesome clothes?
Who do you see

when you look beyond
the skin and the surface,
when you drift to sleep,

when you are the person
no one else knows? Who
are you on the inside?

Dont answer these questions.
Not yet. First, open your eyes,
your mind, your heart.

See.

James Howe

Addie
on the Inside

They say in the seventh grade
you are who they say you are,
but how can that be true?

How can I be a
Godzilla-girl
lezzie loser
know-it-all
big mouth
beanpole
string bean
freaky tall
fall-down
spaz attack
brainiac
maniac
hopeless nerd
*bad word*
brown-nosing
teachers pet
showing off
just to get
attention
oh,
and did I
mention:
flat-chested
(thats true)
badly dressed
(says you)
social climber
(such a lie)
rabble-rouser
(well, I try)
tree-hugging
tofu-eating
button-wearing
sign-waving
slogan-shouting
protest-marching
troublemaking
hippie-dippy
throwback
to another
time and place?

How can I be all that?
Its too many things to be.
How can I be all that and
still be true to the real me
while everyone is saying:

This
is
who
you
are.

and not about crushes
or acne or whether
I should stuff my bra
so people will know
Im wearing one.

I worry about
global warming and
polar bears dying and
war and
more and
more and
more.

I worry about
injustice and
how to make the world
a better place,
because I contend
that if you are not part
of the solution,
you are part
of the problem.
I worry about
the rights of minorities
and I worry about
all the people
who love people
that the people who hate them
dont want them to love.