John Moore [Moore - Slay and Rescue

Slay and Rescue*

Heroics for Beginners*

The Unhandsome Prince*

Bad Prince Charlie*

A Fate Worse than Dragons*

*available as a JABberwocky ebook

SLAY AND RESCUE

Copyright 1993 by John Moore

All rights reserved.

Published as an eBook in 2019 by JABberwocky Literary Agency, Inc.

Originally published by Baen Books in 1993.

Cover illustration by Ajid.

ISBN 978-1-625674-53-1

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

JABberwocky Literary Agency, Inc.

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Thanks to the members of Houston Ritual Breakfast, for their support and enthusiasm

THE WIZARD WAS EVIL. Really evil. Evil with no redeeming qualities. He created plagues that fouled the air of the surrounding countryside. He created pestilences that poisoned the water of the villages downstream from his castle. He murdered lonely travelers, grinding up their bones for his powders and boiling their blood for his potions. He tortured small, furry animals in bizarre necrotic experiments. He pulled the wings off butterflies. Not for any magical reasons. Just for fun.

He never wrote his mother, not even on her birthday. At the marketplace he always squeezed the fruit too hard, leaving it unfit to sell. He welshed on bets. When he stopped at a local tavern (in disguise, of course), he drank freely of others largess but would never buy a round himself.

The Princess Gloria, on the other hand, was sweet, pure, chaste, and innocent. She was also chained to a wooden table in a locked room in the highest tower of the wizards castle. The Princess Gloria was not crying. She had cried continuously for four days and eventually decided that it wasnt going to do her the least bit of good. Her only hope of survival lay in being rescued by an outside party. In which case, it certainly wouldnt do to be found with her eyes red and puffy. If she was killed, well, it wouldnt matter.

Also present were the wizards two henchmen, dimwitted thugs and ugly to boot, but effective enough in the physical violence end of the business. Now that the actual job of kidnapping was over, they werent really needed, but the wizard felt safer with a couple of bodyguards around. Besides, seeing a beautiful naked girl in chains was a treat for them. They were kinky that way.

The wizard Magellan bustled around the small room, setting out knives and beakers and flasks. His plan was to drain the blood from Glorias living body; the blood of a virgin princess being very useful for all manner of dastardly spells, particularly if taken between midnight and sunrise. It was a warm night and he opened the small window. A faint breeze made the candles flicker, throwing dancing shadows against the stone walls.

Its not that I like hearing children cry. Oh no, far from it. Im a soft hearted man and crying really bothers me. Sets my teeth on edge. And the screaming! Between midnight and dawn, that should give us nearly five hours of screaming. You scream, dont you? Dont shake your head like that. I can tell youre a screamer. My nerves are jangling already. Id much prefer to stuff a gag in your mouth, but it throws off the dynamics of the magic. Magellan had a tendency to babble when he was doing something really nasty.

The princess cringed. The wizard laughed evilly. The two thugs chuckled. The stage was now set for the entrance of Prince Charming.

He timed it beautifully.

The clock, a tacky ornate thing of copper and brass, chimed the midnight hour. Magellan did not hurry. He always set his clocks a little bit fast so he wouldnt be late. He picked up a knife, a slender, curved blade whose wicked gleam bespoke a past filled with torture and mutilation. (The knife had actually been designed for cleaning fish and, in fact, the handle was marked off in inches so you could measure your catch.) Magellan tested the irons on the girls wrist with a short tug (she cringed again) and slowly, gently, lovingly, placed the blade against her skin. The Princess Gloria closed her eyes. The two thugs leaned in for a better view. There came a knock at the door.

They all stopped and looked.

The knock wasnt a knock exactly. It was louder and more forceful. More penetrating. It was the sound made by a heavy blow on an oak door with a double-bladed ax. The tip of the ax was even protruding through the door, as if to remove any doubt. As the conspirators stood dumbfounded, the blade was withdrawn. Seconds later it struck another shattering blow that left the door hanging in splinters from its hinges. A mighty kick followed the blow and, with a confidence fortified by virtue and righteousness, in strode a tall, well-muscled figure.

Its Prince Charming! cried the Princess Gloria, combining adulation and relief with recognition.

Its Prince Charming, echoed the two thugs, though not with the same joy as the Princess.

Oh shit, said Magellan.

Prince Charming gave the Princess a smile that was meant to be reassuring. It was. He had a great smile. She warmed right down to the tips of her toes. The prince was young, just seventeen, and his golden hair hung in loose curls to his shoulders, the result of an hour with an iron curling wand. His boots gleamed hard rubbing with pig fat. His right hand lay negligently on the hilt of sword, his left hand displayed a gold ring with the royal seal. His silk shirt was open to his chest, just enough to display a light growth of blond hair and clearly defined pectoral muscles, while his silk-lined cape hung from his broad shoulders. His beardless face was bright with boyish charm and enthusiasm, but his eyes were gray as a winters sky and just as cold when they set on the Wizard.

Well, hello Maggie. What are you up to?

Dont call me Maggie, snapped the Wizard and immediately got angry with himself for letting this kid get him angry.

You know youll never get those bloodstains out of a white pine table.

What are you talking about? Thats beechwood. I paid forty shillings for it. Magellan got even angrier for letting himself get sidetracked into this stupid digression.

Pine, said the Prince. He walked over casually and scraped the table with his dagger, revealing a faint white streak. See. Its been stained. He winked at the Princess. She giggled.

This was quite enough for Magellan. He was a great and powerful wizard, feared throughout the land, and no young punk was going to make a fool out of him in his own castle. Prince or no Prince. Kill him, he snapped.

Reflexively his two henchmen drew their swords and descended upon Charming. Almost immediately however, discretion got the better of valor and both they stopped after one step, each with a foot in the air. Uh, Boss, said one. Its, uh, you know. Its Prince Charming.

The Prince breathed onto his nails and buffed them against his shirt. His sword still rested in its scabbard.

Oh, get him, snapped the Wizard. Hes not so much. Theres two of you, after all.

His minion nodded, gulped, and leaped forward, sword raised to strike. His stroke never fell. The Prince moved like quicksilver. His arm swept in a fluid arc, blindingly fast yet completely relaxed. With one liquid motion he drew his sword and sliced a thin red line across the henchmans throat. Then he stepped aside. The thug lunged past and collapsed against the table, his neatly severed head following his body to the floor by only a second.