M.C. Beaton - Snobbery with Violence

Keep reading for an excerpt from
Marion Chesneys next mystery:

HASTY DEATH

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Dont when offered a dish at a friends table, look at it critically, turn it about with the spoon and fork, and then refuse it.

-ETIQUETTE FOR WOMEN

BY ONE OF THE ARISTOCRACY

Winter is very democratic. In London, its grip extended from the slums of the East End to the elegant squares of Belgravia. Tempers were made as brittle as ice by the all-encompassing cold, even in the home of the Earl and Countess of Hadshire. Their London home in Eaton Square had run out of coal and wood. The butler blamed the housekeeper and the housekeeper blamed the first footman and as the row about who was responsible raged downstairs, upstairs, a battle royal was going on over a different matter.

Lady Rose Summer, daughter of the earl and countess, was once more demanding to be free to work as a typist. Not only that, she wanted to move to some businesswomens hostel in Bloomsbury with her maid, Daisy.

The previous year, the earl had thwarted a visit from King Edward VII by employing a certain Harry Cathcart who had blown up a station and a bridge to convince the king that if he visited the Hadshire country estate, the Bolsheviks would assassinate him. Now Rose was threatening to make this public if her parents did not agree to her wishes.

Wrapped in innumerable shawls and a fur tippet where dead little animals stared accusingly at Rose, her mother, the countess, Lady Polly, once more tried to let her daughter see sense. For one of us to sink to the level of trade would be a social disaster. No one will want to marry you.

I dont think I want to get married, said Rose.

Then you should have told us that last year before we wasted a fortune on your season, roared the earl.

Rose had the grace to blush.

Lady Polly tried a softer approach. We are going to Nice. Youll like it there. Sunshine, palm trees, very romantic.

I want to work.

Its the fault of that ex-chorus girl maid of yours, raged the earl.

Daisy Levine, Roses maid, was indeed an ex-chorus girl. She had come to the Hadshires to masquerade as a servant with typhoid, an initial plot by Harry Cathcart to deter the royal visit. Rose had taken her under her wing, taught her to read and write, then to type, and then made her a ladys maid.

It is my idea, Pa, said Rose. Weve argued and argued about this. My mind is made up.

She walked from the room and closed the double doors behind her very quietlymuch more effective than if she had slammed them.

What are we to do? mourned the earl, huddling further into his bearskin coat, looking like a small, round, wounded animal.

They sat in gloomy silence. The doors to the drawing room opened and two footmen entered, one carrying coal and kindling and the other a basket of logs.

At last, said the earl. What took you so long?

There was such a shortage of fuel in the city, my lord, said the first footman, that we sent two fourgons out to the country to Stacey Court. Stacey Court was the earls country home.

Well, get the fire started, grumbled the earl.

As the resultant blaze began to thaw the room, the earl felt that even his brain was beginning to thaw out. I know, he said. Well ask that Cathcart fellow. Whats he doing now?

Lady Glensheil tells me he has opened a detective agency. Very American. Like Pinkertons.

Ill try anything, said the earl. We could have left for Nice a week ago if it hadnt been for Rose. He rang the bell and told the butler, Brum, to find the direction of Captain Harry Cathcarts detective agency and ask him to call.

Harry Cathcart brightened when a footman brought him the earls request. It was not that time had been lying heavily on his hands. On the contrary, his days were taken up, just as before, with hushing up societys scandals and finding lost dogs. But he had hoped for more dramatic assignments, and somehow, working in the past for the earl had certainly led to murder and mayhem.

He picked up his hat and coat and went through to the outer office where his sheep-faced secretary, Miss Jubbles, was labouring over accounts.

Im going out for a bit, Miss Jubbles, he said. Anything I can get you?

Oh, no, Captain. Miss Jubbles gazed adoringly at the handsome captain with his thick dark hair, rangy figure and black eyes. Harry shrugged himself into his fur-lined coat and crammed a wide-brimmed hat on his head. Out in Buckingham Palace Road where he had his office, the cold was intense. In a neighbouring building, the pipes had burst and icicles glittered against the sooty brick. Other buildings had lagged the outside pipes with old sheets and he felt he was walking past ghostly sentinels with their whitish arms stretched up to the frost-covered roofs. He walked carefully because the street sweepers had been unable to clear the pavements of the frozen-hard mud and it was slippery underfoot.

As he made his way to Eaton Square, he felt a frisson of excitement. He would see the infuriating Lady Rose again. He remembered her as he had last seen her with her intense blue eyes and thick brown hair, her figure unfashionably slim in this new Edwardian era where men liked their women plump.

At the earls house, the butler took his hat, coat and stick and informed him that Lord and Lady Hadshire would see him in the drawing room. Harry mounted the stairs behind the butler thinking the earl must really have some major problem or he would have received him in his study.

Come in, come in, cried the earl. Sit by the fire. Sherry? Yes? Fetch the decanter, Brum. You been shooting, Cathcart? He surveyed Harrys tweed coat, knickerbockers, thick socks and brogues.

No, I do realise I am unfashionably dressed but my attire is suitable for the cold and I gather you want to see me on business.

Yes, wait until we get the sherry and I get rid of the servants.

Where is Lady Rose?

In her room, said the earl gloomily, and lets hope she stays there.

Daisy turned away from the window as Rose entered her private sitting room. I just saw Captain Cathcart a few minutes ago coming into the house.

What on earth is he doing here? Oh, no! Pas probably asking his help. But what can Cathcart do?

Get a tame doctor to say youre mad, said Daisy. Then youll be put in a lunatic asylum and Ill be sacked.

They wouldnt do that, said Rose with a nervous laugh.

It would solve their problem. If you then said anything about that plot to stop the king visiting, no one would pay you any attention.

If they do that, I will run away.

We could do that anyway, my lady.

No, they would put advertisements in all the newspapers and I would be hunted down. Oh, what on earth are they talking about?

Its all very simple, said Harry when the earl had finished.

How? The earl goggled. Im not having her put in an insane asylum. I know thats the thing, but shed never get married and I want grandchildren. A boy. Whos going to inherit, hey?

I am sure Lady Rose would be competent to run your estates.

A woman? Never!

Very well. What I suggest is this. I have a friend, Mr. Peter Drevey, a merchant banker. I can persuade him to employ both Lady Rose and Daisy as typists. Ifou will have to pay him a fee to cover wages for both, and for his discretion.

If the fellows a gentleman, he wont want paid.

If he is paid then I can get him to sign a confidentiality document. I am sorry, my lord, but I have outstanding accounts because I was naive enough to take the word of a few gentlemen. Then both ladies may both move to a businesswomens hostel. I suggest you do not pay Lady Rose an allowance and her clothes must be limited to those of a woman in her adopted station. By the time you return from Nicetwo months, you saidyou will find her more than eager to come home. I will keep a discreet eye on both of them for you. You will forgive me for asking for my usual fee in advance, I am sure.