Dart - Show Business Kills

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the authors imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. The names of some real celebrities appear as characters in the book to give a sense of time and place. However, their actions and motivations are entirely fictitious, and should not in any way be considered real or factual.

WARNER BOOKS EDITION

Copyright 1995 by Ratco, Inc.

All rights reserved.

This book was originally published in hardcover by Little, Brown and Company.

Excerpt from Im Still Here by Steven Sondheim. Copyright 1971 by Range Road Music Inc., Quartet Music Inc., Ritling Music, Inc., and Burthen Music Co., Inc. Used by permission.

Warner Books, Inc.

Hachette Book Group

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New York, NY 10017

Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

First eBook Edition: October 2009

ISBN: 978-0-446-56760-2

REVIEWERS SHOUT HOORAY FOR
HOLLYWOOD, IRIS RAINER DART, and
SHOW BUSINESS KILLS

A WONDERFULLY FUNNY AND SOMETIMES POIGNANT STORY OF FOUR FEMALE BEST FRIENDS trying to elude the most fatal of all Hollywood conditionsmiddle age.

Book Page

IF IRIS RAINER DART WERE A PERFORMER INSTEAD OF A WRITER, SHED ALMOST CERTAINLY BE BETTE MIDLER. MIDLERS BRASH STYLE IS DARTS FICTION MADE FLESH.

Chicago Tribune

COMBINING ARMED CHASES WITH TENDER EMBRACES HUMOR WITH CINEMATIC SENSIBILITY. The author expertly pushes buttons.

Kirkus Reviews

SMART, SASSY, AND REVEALING Iris Rainer Dart takes us inside the real Hollywood. She brings to life the painful reality behind all the glamour: the broken promises, the sexism, the worship of youth. But she also shows how good friendsand a powerful sense of humormake it possible to survive, even prosper, on the far side of forty.

Jewish Week

DELICIOUSLY DELIGHTFUL. The latest story from Dart is as exciting as those she wrote in the past.

Ocala Star-Banner

WITTY, BITCHY.

TWN News Magazine

FRIENDSHIP, INTRIGUE, MURDER, AND ROMANCE. Its all in fun, meant to be instructive in the ways of life and love.

Dayton News

THE BOYS IN THE MAILROOM

BEACHES

TIL THE REAL THING COMES ALONG*

ILL BE THERE*

THE STORK CLUB*

*PUBLISHED BY

WARNER BOOKS

This book is dedicated to my extraordinary women friends, who have carried me, taught me, supported me, propped me up during my worst times, and cheered me on during my best. I love you all and am so grateful for the love you give me in return.

The author wishes to thank Jeff Galpin, M.D., Dorothy Sivitz Jenkins, M.D., Joyce Brotman, Wendy Riche, Judith McConnell, M. E. Loree Fishmann, Shelly Glaser, Barry Adelman, Dr. Melanie Allen, Susan Schwartz, Wendy Duffy, Karen Fell, Joe Gunn, Sharleen Cooper-Cohen, the cast and crew of General Hospital, Elaine Markson, and Fredrica Friedman. And of course there would never be a book without Rachel, Greg, and Steve.

First youre another

Sloe-eyed vamp.

Then someones mother

Then youre camp.

Then you career from career to career.

Im almost through my memoirs

And Im here.

Stephen Sondheim, Follies

L ook up, sweetheart, look up. Thats it. Now Ill just add a little more concealer under the eyes and youll be all set. Bert, the makeup man, was wearing too much Royal Lyme cologne, and Jan didnt have the heart to tell him that, at this hour of the morning, the thick, tangy scent made her nauseous.

As soon as I finish this, Ill whisk a little mascara on your lashes, and then you can take the rollers out and get your hair combed. Berts face was so close to her that while he patted the creamy cover-up under her lower lashes she could smell the Tic Tac he held in his mouth as an antidote to coffee breath, sometimes even while he was still drinking the coffee. But it was Berts constant barrage of chatter, always in the form of well-meant advice, that got to her.

If youd like the benefit of my personal and my professional opinion, he said, while he moved his hand down to Jans chin, raised her face up into the light, and squinted so he could get a better look at his work.

His opinion, professional or otherwise, was the last thing she wanted. In fact shed been so lost in her own thoughts, she wasnt even sure where his latest story had drifted. All she wanted was for him to hurry up and finish her face, so she could get back to reading the new script pages for Fridays show. But Bert took her silence for interest and kept talking.

As far as Im concerned, and I know a little bit about this subject, to say the least, Frank Kamer is the man, Bert announced. He is a star in the plastic surgery firmament. When that genius gets through with you, you cant even see a tiny scar. He did Goldie Hawn and Streisand, who both deny it, and Dolly Parton, who flaunts it, and all three of them are flawless.

The last was punctuated with a few fast dabs of the sponge, after which Bert stepped back and sighed with satisfaction at the good job hed done on Jan. Then he put the sponge down, picked up a mug with the words BERT WESTON GIVES GREAT FACE on the side, took a long swig, and winced from the taste of the sludgy backstage coffee.

Of course, Steve Hoeflins very big these days, too, he said, his mouth still puckered from the bad taste. But I always think he makes the customers look like someone other than themselves. You know what I mean? He did Ivana, and if you look at her old head shots and her new ones, she looks like two different women.

Jan smiled to signify agreement and polite dismissal, and picked up the pages for Fridays show, hoping Bert would stop talking. But he didnt.

Now quite a few knowledgeable people swear by Norman Leaf, who Ive known since he was in medical school. Hes a gem of a guy, and he did Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, and I have to tell you, Ive seen both of their faces up close and personal, and they aint bad, for a couple of old broads, he said, laughing to excuse the dumb remark, and moving around behind Jans makeup chair to take a longer look in the mirror at his handiwork.

Jan put the pages back on her lap and her stomach ached. Berts sledgehammer of a hint was his way of trying to tell her shed better go out and throw herself at the feet of some Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and invest twenty thousand dollars in a face-lift.

Of course shed considered it. What woman her age, what actress at least, hadnt stood in front of a mirror when no one else was around and gently pulled the skin on the side of her face up toward the top of her ears, just to see how it would be if that little bit of extra flesh was gone? And those fatty little pads below the eyes. While she was under, he could take those, too. But then shed think it over and decide it wasnt for her.

Too many friends had come out of those surgeries with their skin so tight against their bones they looked as if they were standing in front of a jet plane about to take off. She even knew an on-camera news reporter who kept her recently removed turkey wattle in a jar of formaldehyde on her mantel and told everyone it was the Pullet Surprise.

And then there were those scare-the-pants-off-you articles in magazines about how it was done! That they peeled the skin away from the skull the way the Indians used to scalp people. After reading a few of those, she vowed to grow old gracefully. One article said that after surgery they put staples directly into your skull! Office supplies to keep your face from falling into your soup. Hah! The idea made a nervous giggle rise in her chest.