I remembered what it was like, knowing what you want to eat and then making it, forgetting about the ending in the middle, looking at the ocean for a long time without restlessness, or with restlessness not inhabiting the joints, sitting Indian-style on a porch overlooking the water, smooth like good cake frosting. And then I experienced it, falling so deeply into the story line, I laughed as soon as the character entered the picture, humming the theme music even when Id told myself I wanted to be quiet and not talk forever.
I wanted to be seen. But who would see me? I couldnt think of the name for anything but a flower. The government makes coins that size and shape so your hand can feel safe holding them. The pictures stamped remind us where we are, or how the landscape we live in connects itself, through a common value, to a different place. On this one, a spinnaker sails past a bridge. On that, a diamond shines like a childs stilled top over a bird, as if the diamond made the rest of the natural worldbird, forest, state flower, sheaf of healthy corn, shining waterout of proportion in relation to itself.
I love this. My own state has a bear, so small and out of proportion to me that my life line crosses behind it. At last I do not fear that but feel proud the animal can sit in my palm so silently until I spend it. And if I lose it, it becomes even more quiet. Most still just have an eagle, so, it is as if thirty eagles were passed over from one hand to another when the one charged with arranging things for his Saviors dinner arranged his Saviors death. Heavier the yoke of heat in solitude.
A walk uphill does not feel manageable. Who will see me?
The next morning, I tried to remember her face, but her dress sailed into the center of my eye, a ship luscious with sail crossing no horizon but stopping where I knew my nose was, that ridiculous mountain only lovers find right ways to compliment. But then I tried harder to call it back, and my eyes rose to meet her dcolletage and her shoulders and the manner in which her clavicle hinged at her neck to sing with such dexterity she could stomach a world of old and rich and earnest admirers. And so, what I remembered came from a pose I can recall, though his hands were around me in such a way I could only watch sideways and still be loved, and what I remembered could not be said to appear at once at the top of a tall tree like the endangered condor from a hiding place in some remote part of California, or, likewise, over the ocean like a salt-crusted hawk. She made the most sexual face I had ever seen when she described why she sold her possessions.
They had decided against it, but then they entered the field of sunflowers together after some pictures had been taken with a storm in the background, the shape of a fist, and wrinkled like a raisin, the color of the strong liquor made from raisins they had yet to taste or buy.
They entered the field of sunflowers by pushing through an avenue of stalks. Her hair blows south-southwest, the difficult girl whos just been centered by the lens of the easy boy, and I am in the corner of the picture. Each kilometer cost more than we knew. He asked her to translate the American films they watched in French back into English. He wanted to hear the meaning of what she remembered, doubled. I wanted her to admit she posed for the picture.
I could see him beginning to study happiness, how its large blue eyes set limits on pleasure, but my one regret from that summer was not cutting the stalk of at least one sunflower so I could see water ache from its insides. We were heading towards a vineyard of uncertain reputation. A translation told us to find Street of the Mill. Street of the Well was all we could discover. Find a road and take it, keep some conviction about your destination though the evidence says the whole things going south.
How do I begin to describe what it was? It was a terrible time to be on a horse.
How do I begin to describe what it was? It was a terrible time to be on a horse.
It wasnt a family. I had no brothers. No one told me about the wind. The animals kept us honest. I believed most in friendship, its promises and disappointments. I had hopes for it, expectations.
I fell in love too late with what I loved.
Dark green water, reflection of the grove of elms and pines, at the end of summer, with a woman standing in it, a statue of a woman, and a spray of water rising and falling, the fiction of a natural spring. Her arms raised in a pose of remembering some invocation to a god of beauty, and her legs twisted, with the right before the left so her thighs, under her dress, give her hips a pose and give her torso the elegance of intended height. She laughs the laurel garland off her hair, almost, and since her hair is stone, the askew of the wreath indicates an unseen wind, the kind that might visit a vineyard in a country where currency can never be broken into coin, where the midday meal has at least three courses and finishes with the ripest plums, not an assortment but a selection of one kind of good fruit. But time was made beside the glassy pool, its sunken keyhole troubled by the motion of its waters, waters that served as a mirror much clearer than the fountain, where the woman steadied her laurel with her left hand, and with her right chose more flowers, small wild white roses, for a garland around her neck. Thats where youd rather be on a hot day.