Seely - Bard of the deal - the poetry of donald trump

Donald Trumpthe Businessmanhas built magnificent palaces and golf courses, even better than Pebble Beach, while attaching his name to the smoothest vodkas and tastiest steaks. Donald Trumpthe Entertainerhas penned best-sellers, regaled Larry King, and hosted a top-rated TV show, The Apprentice, succeeding where even the likes of Martha Stewart failed. Donald Trumpthe Manhas dated supermodels, graced the cover of Playboy, raised world-class children, and even bested Merv Griffin in a duel of wits. But it is Donald Trumpthe Poetwho has stared wide-eyed into the jaws of hell to bring back the meaning of life. Were here. And we live our sixty, seventy or eighty years, and were gone.

You win, you win, and in the end, it doesnt mean a hell of a lot. But it is something to do. Ever since the summer of 2015, when Donald John Trump announced his candidacy for president, the nation and the world have been captivated by his stream-of-consciousness, teleprompter-free speeches. At rallies and news conferences, supporters hear a long-awaited call for an upgrade of the U.S. population. Critics hear racism, sexism, and an out-of-control ego.

Either way, listen carefully, and you will hearas 18,000 fans did one night in Texasthe anguished cry of the Poet. ITS DEPRESSING You know, its depressing. Isnt it depressing? You know, were together. We love each other. But its like depressing, If you think about it, Because it doesnt end. I could stand up here All night long, I could tell you stories.

They are all depressing. SEPTEMBER 14, 2015 Welcome to the first-ever treasury of Trumpian versepoems culled from a towering pile of speeches, interviews, utterances, and tweets that has risen over the last thirty years. This collection answers one of the great mysteries of modern times: What is the secret to Donald Trumps astonishing success? In these pages, you will see that it is not wild ambition or savage greed, or the Wharton School, or a patch of unearthly hair. What separates The Donald from the rest of us is one amazing, God-given talent: Whenever Trump opens his mouth, poemslike winged dollar signs in a Scrooge McDuck cartoonflutter out upon the wind. On a regular basis, Trumps spontaneous emissions address and undress the fundamental realities of realityas if they were the realities of reality TV. Consider his lyrical discourses on: GOD Who has read The Art of the Deal? Yeah! Most people, most everybody! I joking say, but I mean it: The Bible tops it, by a long way.

DEATH Sad. Horrible Statement. I hate to say it, but I say it, You know, because its true. Life is what you do while you wait to die. PROCREATION Frankly, I wouldnt mind If there were an anti-Viagra, Something with The opposite effect. Im not bragging.

PERFECTION We have a chef who makes The greatest meat loaf in the world. Its so great I told him To put it on the menu. In 2015, the Poet unveiled his most enduring metaphorical image yet: A magnificent wall that would protect America from rapists. To anyone who follows big league poetry, Trump was clearly sending out a broadside toward his twentieth-century predecessor Robert Frost. It was Frost who once wrote, Before I built a wall Id ask to know/ What I was walling in or walling out. With his customary flair, Trump responds, We would make it very good looking/ It would be as good as a walls got to be. End of debate. (Have you seen her pictures? Woof.) Today, the Billion-Dollar Bard bestrides the worlds literary scene like its the bottle-strewn boardwalk of Atlantic City. (Have you seen her pictures? Woof.) Today, the Billion-Dollar Bard bestrides the worlds literary scene like its the bottle-strewn boardwalk of Atlantic City.

Trumps powerful verseswritten to be shouted at lefties and lowlifeshave changed the way Americans see not only their government but their next-door neighbor. His poetry embodies the difference between classicand classy! And the Poets message is being received. Yes! We want good deals! Yes! We want to make America rich! Yes! We want so many victories that they are coming out of our eyes, our nose, our ears, our whatever! These poems come from Trumps published utterancestaken verbatim, without a word altered. The lone changes involve punctuation, capitalization, and use of the most critical tool known to poetry: the carriage return key. So, sit back, grill a Trump Steak, pour a tall glass of Trump Vodka, and go Trumpster diving for some billion-dollar stanzas, straight from the Bard of the Deal.

You do what you do. You do what you do.

I mean, It is what it is. September 11, 2015 NBC TONIGHT SHOW WITH JIMMY FALLON

I get up, take a shower And wash my hair. Then I read the newspapers And watch the news on television, And slowly the hair dries... It takes about an hour. I dont use a blow-dryer. Once its dry, I comb it.

Once I have it the way I like it, Even though nobody else likes it, I spray it and... Its good for the day. October 2004 PLAYBOY

Ive seen a lot. I understand life. I understand how to make money. And if I can impart some of what Ive learned, whether you call it wisdom or not, to a large group of people, I like it.

And as far as Im concerned, The larger the crowd, the better. March 9, 2006 CNN LARRY KING LIVE

How do you know when to give up? I usually tough it out longer than most people would in a similar situation, which is why I often succeed, where others have failed. I also know that sometimes you have to throw in the towel. Maybe you failed but you probably learned something valuable. Chalk it up to experience, dont take it personally, and go find your next challenge! 2008 TRUMP Never Give Up:How I Turned My BiggestChallenges into Success WITH CO-POET MEREDITH McIVER Were here. And we live our sixty, seventy, or eighty years, and were gone.

You win, you win, and in the end, it doesnt mean a hell of a lot. But it is something to do. March 1990 PLAYBOY

I have beautiful hair. Its not that bad. And it is my hair. Is it my hair? It is.

It is, actually. People dont know that. I proved that, you know, In Alabama. It was really hot. It was rainy. I took off my hat And everybody said It is really his hair! Its weird.

I dont have To do that tonight. Sort of nice. August 25, 2015 Trump rally DUBUQUE, IOWA

Small talk can be One of the best ways To educate yourself. Rarely does a day go by In which I dont have Five to ten conversations That change the way I see the world. 2004 Trump: Think Like a Billionaire WITH CO-POET MEREDITH McIVER KANYE WEST! You know what? Ill never say bad about him! You know why? Because he loves Trump! He loves Trump! He goes around saying, TRUMP IS MY ALL-TIME HERO! He says it to everybody! So, KANYE WEST? I LOVE HIM! September 3, 2015 Press briefing NEW YORK CITY If theres a wall in front of you, You have to go through it.

You can never, ever give up. November 24, 2004 CNN LARRY KING LIVE

Your behavior should be at all times Attuned to the matter at hand. Grandstanding or talking Just to hear yourself talk Are counterproductive. 2004 Trump: Think Like a Billionaire WITH CO-POET MEREDITH McIVER