Simons - Inexpressible Island

To my four children

Lamor che move il sole e laltre stelle.

What punishments of God are not gifts?

J.R.R. Tolkien

W AY DOWN WE GO.

Julian, Im going to tell you a story, Ashton said, about a rider and a preacher. The rider bet his only horse that the preacher could not recite the Lords Prayer without his thoughts wandering. The bet was gladly accepted, and the holy man began to mouth the familiar words. Halfway through, he stopped and said, Did you mean the saddle also?

That is not a story about a rider and a preacher, Julian said. Its a story about how to lose a horse.

Ashton, why arent you eating my Kjttkaker? Julians mother said.

Oh, he doesnt like it, Mom, Julian said. He told me when you were in the kitchen. He doesnt care for your Norwegian cooking.

Julian!

Ignore him, Mrs. C, Ashton said. I love your meatballs. You know hes just trying to get a rise out of you.

Consider me risen. Why do you do that, son?

Do what, Mom, joke around?

Mrs. C, Ashton said with a mouth full of Kjttkaker, the other day your son told me I was like a brother he never had.

Julian! yelled his mother and five brothers.

Jules, remember to look both ways before you go fuck yourself, said his brother Harlan.

Funny, I was about to say the same thing to Ashton, Julian said. Ashton laughed and laughed.

Julians mother made Ashtons favorite for dessert: lefserolled up sweet flatbread sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon.

Ashton, did Julian ever tell you the story of how he stumped a mystic when he was thirteen? Joanne Cruz said. Eat, eat, while I tell you. A pillar of the church was visiting our parish, a revered Augustinian monk, a man of prodigious theological output. He gave a lecture and then invited some questions. And your skinny friend, his voice still unbroken, stepped up to the microphone and squeaked, Um, excuse me, why did Jesus weep for Lazarus when He saw him dead, even though He knew that in a few minutes He would raise Lazarus from the dead? The monk thought about it and said, I do not know the answer.

Ashton, wiping the cinnamon sugar off his face, smirked. His shaggy blond hair needed a cut; his happy blue eyes gleamed. Even I have the answer to that, and Im no wise man and certainly no monkpardon me, Mrs. C. The God in Jesus may have known, but the Man in Him wept because Jesus was bothfully human and fully Divine. And to mourn the dead is the human way. Next time, Jules, ask me. I have an answer to everything.

Fast forward.

If you wake up first, dont go out there without me, like you did yesterday, Ashton said. Theyd been camping for days. Promise youll stay put?

I dont know what youre all up in my grill about. Were camping, not caving.

Fast forward.

Oh my God, what happened, Jules? Weve been looking everywhere for you. Everywhere but here. You dont know what youve done to us.

Julian, say something!

Youre going to be okay. Youre going to be okay. Help him! Help him!

Why did you do it, I told you not to go, why do you never listen, why did you leave without me?

Im sorry, Ashton, Julian wanted to say, but couldnt speak. I dont know what happened.

Fast forward.

My buddy Jules over here used to be a boxer, Ashton said to Riley and Gwen the night they met. The boys were groomed and shaved, wore jeans paired with Hugo Boss jackets. You should be impressed, ladies. The girls were young and sparkling. He was nearly untouchable in the ring. He hit his opponents with shots that couldve brought down mountains. Yes, he was a magnificent fighter but a flawed human being. Whereas now, hes precisely the oppositelucky for you, Gwen, and I mean the word lucky in the most literal senseouch, Jules! What are you hitting me for?

Lucky Gwen, Riley said after a beat, turning her smile to Ashton.

A flirty Gwen scooted over to Julian. Well, I am feeling pretty lucky, I must admit.

Fast forward.

Do you know any boxing jokes? asked Riley. They had settled into a booth, ordered drinks and snacks. It was their first double date.

Julian did. Did you hear what Manny Pacquiao planned to write on Floyd Mayweathers tombstone? You can stop counting. I aint getting up.

The girls laughed. Ashton laughed, even though hed heard the joke before.

Fast forward.

Riley, dont try so hard, Ashton said. Women have no need to appeal to men by also being funny. They appeal to men already, you know what I mean?

Go to hell, Riley said. Im funny.

No, no, my love. Its not an insult. Youre under the mistaken impression that men want their women to be funny.

No, no, my love, Riley said. Its you whos under the mistaken impression that women dont want their men to be funny.

Julian nodded approvingly. That was funny, Riles.

Thanks, Jules. Ashton, you should try being more like Jules. Because unlike you, see, he is actually funny.

Fuck you, Jules.

What did I do? Then Julian added, You know, Ash, if you can stimulate your girl to laughter, and I mean real, head thrown back, deep throated, full and loud laughter, perhaps she will become more open to you and you can stimulate her to other things.

Fuck you, Jules! And later: All right, Ill try to be funnier, Ashton said. Lets try it Julians way.

Said the bishop to the barmaid, said Julian.

To be funnier, Ashton told a joke. Joe Gideon says to the masseuse, Excuse me, miss, how much do you charge for genitalia? and she replies, Oh, the same as for Jews, Mr. Gideon!

The four of them threw back their heads and laughed. They loved L.A. and All That Jazz.

Fast forward.

Yes, Im moving to London. It will help my dear old dad, and you know how close we are. Kidding aside, though, Ive always wanted to live in Notting Hill. Its on my bucket list. Of course Ill still keep the Treasure Box. Why would I give that up? Its my life.

Fast forward.

Yes, Im selling the Treasure Box. Dont look so deflated. Its just a store. Ill get another one if I really want to be tied down again. Right now Id like to travel, see the world. You in, Jules? Where have we been besides London? Nowhere, exactly. Want to go to France? We have the time. What do you say, we can be two free men in Paris, so we can do our best, maybe feel alive. Ashton grinned, humming, drumming. Because youre a very good friend of mine.

Fast forward.

She is going to break you, Ashton said as they were coming home one night, unconscionably intoxicated. I told you she was going to bust you open, and did you listen? You never listen to me, because you think you know everything, you think youre the only one with gut feelings.

You sure youre talking about me?

She turned to you, eyes blazing, Ashton continued, like you were her enemy in the ring and said, tonight, I keel you. And so far, nothing youve done has stopped her from fulfilling her promise.

Why am I even here? Julian said.

Youre like my dad, you both keep asking, why are we here, said Ashton. Why is anything here is a better question. Not why do you bother to exist, but why does anything bother to exist at all?

Because. The art of living in this world, Julian replied, recalling Marcus Aurelius, is to teach us that whatsoever falls upon man, he may be ready for itthat nothing may cast him down.

Some things cast you down, Ashton said. Bow out, Julian. As if you have a choice. Admit when youve been defeated. Forget you ever loved her. Thats what I had to do. His head was bowed. Forget I ever loved them.

Lets go to Paris, Ash.