Table of Contents
Guide
Text, concept, and design copyright 2017 Ulysses Press and its licensors.
Illustrations copyright 2017 Angela Jazmine. All rights reserved. Any
unauthorized duplication in whole or in part or dissemination of this edition by
any means (including but not limited to photocopying, electronic devices, digital
versions, and the Internet) will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Published in the United States by:
Ulysses Press
P.O. Box 3440
Berkeley, CA 94703
www.ulyssespress.com
ISBN: 978-1-61243-688-3
Acquisitions: Casie Vogel
Managing Editor: Claire Chun
Editor: Shayna Keyles
Proofreader: Renee Rutledge
IMPORTANT NOTE TO READERS: This book is an independent and unauthorized
work of parody. No endorsement or sponsorship by or affiliation with any authors,
their respective publishers, or other copyright and trademark holders is claimed or
suggested. All references in this book to titles, characters, settings, and any other
material subject to copyright or trademark are for the purpose of commentary,
criticism, and parody only.
in vino veritas
Pliny the Elder
Inside the office,
Penguin worked.
He worked
and worked
and worked.
Until FINALLY ... it was 5 oclock.
Where should I go for a drink? Penguin asked aloud.
There was a wine bar downtown where his friends hang out,
but Penguin did not know much about wine.
Penguin proclaimed, Tonights the night. I will go and look for my
wine! Out of the office he went. Down, down, down, until he heard
a pop!
Penguin spotted his friend. Good evening, Hummingbird.
Bonjour , Penguin. Would you like to join me for a glass of
Champagne?
Why yes, thank you. Is this French? asked Penguin.
But of course, replied Hummingbird. Sparkling wines come
from many places, but only those from Frances Champagne
region are called Champagne.
Penguin looked at the wine and smelled its aroma. He let a small
amount of the Champagne roll around in his mouth before
swallowing. Its very refreshing, and the bubbles are fun! Could
this be my wine?
Pourquoi pas ? Its a less fruity, more acidic wine thats perfect for
any celebration, explained Hummingbird.
Thank you again, Penguin said while emptying his flute and
excusing himself. Ill go inside now and try some other wines.
Au revoir! trilled Hummingbird with a friendly flutter.
Inside the bar Penguin approached his friend Mouse who was
drinking a light white wine. Greetings, Mouse, mind if I join you?
Not at all, squeaked Mouse.
Im here tonight to look for my wine, said Penguin.
Then you must try some of my Pinot Grigio, insisted Mouse as he
poured Penguin a glass.
Penguin detected a floral fragrance, almost like honeysuckle. He
took a sip. It tastes like citrus! he said, sounding surprised.
Yeah! laughed Mouse. Pinot Grigio often tastes like limes,
lemons, pears, nectarines, or apples. Which is why it is a perfect
match for my Brie, Gouda, and cheddar cheese plate!
Im not a big cheese eater like you, Mouse, Penguin teased, but
this is a delightful wine simply by itself.
After thanking Mouse for the wine, Penguin ambled over to Bunny.
Hello, Bunny.
Hello, Penguin.
Is that Pinot Grigio as well? asked Penguin.
No, Bunny responded. Its Sauvignon Blanc, an herbal, grassy
wine thats super fruity and completely dry. It has flavors that
range from peach, melon, and grapefruit, all the way to bell pepper,
jalapeo, andmy favoritegrass.
Maybe this is my wine? Penguin pondered aloud.
Here, try a glass, Bunny offered. I think you will like it. Its one of
the most popular wines. In fact, Sauvignon Blanc is the most widely
planted grape in the world.
I can see why people like it, admitted Penguin after finishing the
pour. And yet he wondered. Just because its popular, does that
mean it is my wine? He decided to try some more.
Nearby, the Koala twins were also enjoying some white wine. Hi,
Koalas, am I interrupting?
Not at all, come join us! The twins replied in unison.
Im curious about the wines you are drinking, Penguin said a bit
too loudly. Maybe one of them is my wine.
Youre welcome to have some of mine, offered Koala while
adjusting his bow tie. Its a Chardonnay thats rich and creamy, like
butter.
Mmm, Chardonnay is delicious. And without missing a beat,
Penguin turned and asked, Can I try your wine? The other twin
happily handed over his glass and Penguin took a sip.
Oh, how different, gushed Penguin. Its light and fruity. It makes
me think of pineapples ... of the tropics ... like the flowers on your
shirt. What is this delightful wine?
Its Chardonnay, too!
Huh? How can they be so different? asked a confused Penguin.
Chardonnay, like most wine, changes
depending on how its made and where
its grown. Creamy or zesty, its still a
Chardonnay.
Penguin stepped to the bar. Hi, Kitty Cat.
Hallo , Penguin, purred Cat. How are you?
Feeling better by the minute, said Penguin. Im
looking for my wine tonight and noticed that golden
vino you have. Do you think that is my wine?
Maybe, maybe not. said Cat noncommittally. This
is a Rieslinga traditionally German wine. The best
ones come from the Rhine Valley. It pairs nicely with
my spicy dinner and has a lot of fruity aromas like
nectarine, apricot, apple, and pear.
Oh, like Mouses Pinot Grigio, Penguin asserted.
NEIN ! hissed Cat. Rieslings are much more
complex. They can be sweet or dry,
but are usually more acidic than
other wines. They are not for
everyone. Here try some for
yourself and see.
Penguin sampled a glass. This is a very interesting and curious
wine, Cat. Im not sure what to think of it just yet. Maybe I
should try some other options to compare.
Do as you wish, said Cat
indifferently as he turned
back to his dinner.
Penguin hopped onto the stool next to Flamingo. Hey, Flamingo.
You are looking stylish tonight.
I always look stylish and you know it, she said, and the two friends
shared a laugh.
Thats a pretty pink wine, said Penguin. Is that my wine?
I dont know. But I know its mine , sassed Flamingo.
This is a Ros. You must try a glass. Its sweet, but crisp
and served chilled. Its a good wine for brunch although
personally, I drink Ros all day, every day.
Penguin took a hearty gulp. Very fruity and refreshing. But
why is it pink?
Wine gets its color from the grape skins. For red wines, the
skins sit in the vat for a long time; but for Ros, the skins
are strained out sooner. Theres a whole spectrum of rose
colors, but for me, the pinker the better! said Flamingo.