Russell Blake - How to Sell a Gazillion eBooks in No Time

What critics are saying about Russell Blakes HowTo Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time:

Brilliant, imaginative, hysterically funny, wildlyinventive. A must-read for any writer interested in selling a gazillion eBooksin no time!

Kirckos Reviewers

Blake is a disturbingly-insincere inebriate withdelusions of grandeur. The only value I can see to this drivel is that it keptthe author from writing something even more harmful to the industry that mighthave broader appeal or any chance of success. This eBook is the reason peopletake drugs to kill the pain in their psyches after being exposed to suchtoxic venom. Its vicious, demented, reprehensible brain poison. I now knowwhat demonic possession must be like.

The Chattanooga Saturday Morning Zephyr

Every generation has its voice. The Social Mediageneration now has its spokesperson. All hail Russell Blake, master ofself-publishing and self-promotion!!!

The London Dispatch-Herald

Just potty-mouthed filth. The man is obviously unwell. Ifeel nauseated just hearing the letters in his name. A despicable, depraved,odious misogynistic cat-hater who should choke on his own blood as he begs forforgiveness from the savior who despises him. Its just not funny. Hes atwisted, contemptible sh#tbag and the world will be a better place when hisblasphemous skull is rotting in a ditch somewhere. Hopefully soon.

The Spiritual Daily Reckoning

I peed my pants, then fell out of my chair, then had tocrawl across the floor to call 911. The funniest thing Ive ever read, or evenheard of. Evil, black humor, mocking every cherished institution and value wehold sacred. Russell Blake is going to hell on an express train, and taking usall with him.

Porterville Register Book Review

Lyrical, poignant, thoughtful, intense. Russell Blake isa national treasure. Count us firmly in the How To Sell A Gazillion fanclub.

The Murrieta Sharecropper Book Club

If you sat a brain-damaged chimp at a computer and hadhim bang on the keyboard with a banana, the ensuing product would be in everyway superior to Blakes sophomoric attempt at humor. Not only does it fallflat, but hes obviously a cretin. If youre a fan of sub-custodial gibberishyouve found your man. Russell is a malignancy on the reputation of writing. Heshould heretofore be banished, and his name struck from all records, and hishome burned and his work shredded in a wood-chipper by Elvis-impersonating hillbillies.I felt like Id been physically violated just reading the first few pages. Bythe time it mercifully ended, my soul was dead. I hope he dies of somethingpainful - perhaps hemorrhagic fever, where he becomes a human exsanguinatingyogurt machine, and his decaying flesh drops from his bones and every nervesears in eternal agony. Russell Blake is the literary equivalent of Ebola. Themans a menace.

New York Journal Literary Monthly

I can see how anyone who follows Blakes step-by-stepprimer will inevitably become a gazillion best-seller. Its the single mosthelpful and thought-provoking book of its kind. Love him or hate him, RussellBlake has created a timeless classic that every writer, author hopeful, orfriend and family of a writer should read. Never before has being successfulbeen so easy for so many. A giveaway at a hundred times the price.

Paris Observer

Russell Blake is a disgrace, and his books are anabomination. Just being in the same room as one pollutes my spirit, and sittingreading his Writers Bible describing how to sell a gazillion eBooks in notime made me want to swallow my own head in order to end my suffering. Itsprobably the single most foul travesty of the written word Ive ever beheld,and it makes me believe that Satan and Hitler joined Pol Pot and Stalin to givehim content advice. Id advise any thinking person to reject this garbage outof hand, and avoid his work as though it was slathered with Plutonium-234. Theman is the devil. Theres no other word for it; this book is just wrong, andhes a sick, malevolent fecal stain.

Epistemology Today

Acclaim for Russell Blake

Clockwork Orange would have launched like a racehorse ifId only known the powerful techniques Russell Blake shares in his HowTo masterpiece. Thank you to the maestro.

Anthony Burgess

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I wouldnt have been hanging around some stinkingbackwater if Id known how easy it was to sell a gazillion eBooks in no time.What the hell was I thinking?

Henry David Thoreau

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The mans a frigging genius. My Grapes of Wrath wouldhave been a cinch for the top slot on Amazon week one if Id have known evenhalf of what Russell tosses to his fans in this indispensable tour de force.

John Steinbeck

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If Id have been interested in self-publishing to Kindleor one of the other eReaders, Blake would have been riding shotgun while weraced to the top.

John Wayne

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Its not what you say, or even how you say it, its howyou look when you say it, and whether you know Russell Blakes hot secrets forselling a gazillion eBooks that separates the men from the boys. Along with acrowbar.

Truman Capote

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If Id have been doing things the Russell Blake way,maybe I could have found a way around having to deal with literary agents andtraditional publishing, and instead sold a gazillion eBooks!

Samuel Clemens

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I like pudding. Tasty pudding. Maybe I ..oh.

Ronald Reagan

Contents

Introduction

1) Titles

2) Russells SecretSauce

3) Write A Best-Seller

4) Russell Rules

5) Marketing

6) Social Media

7) On Writing

8) On Grammar and Usage

9) End Game

10) Excerpts

Disclaimer: This eBook isintended as entertainment, and in no way guarantees that your results will bethe same as the celebrated author and self-publishing authority Russell Blake.Mileage may vary.

Introduction

My names Russell Blake, and Im on a run rate to sell agazillion self-published eBooks in no time via Amazon, and more importantly, mywebsite, http://RussellBlake.com perhaps the most important writers resourceon the Internet.

I know I will sell that many using exponential-curvemathematical theory, which brilliant theoretical mathematicians invented topredict things. In an exponential curve, day one you sell one book. Day two,you sell two books. Day three, you sell four books. Day five, you sell eightbooks. The number simply doubles every day, and soon youve sold a gazillionbooks. Even with a few flat days here and there, youre golden in no time.

Extremely smart math professors developed this model, so youcan trust it. If youre skeptical, you dont know much about math, orprofessors, but dont worry. You soon will.

I decided not to wait until I actually sell the gazillioneBooks, as that would be robbing you, the reader and aspiring gazillion-sellingauthor, of the opportunity to make my system work for you.

Dont get me wrong. I considered waiting, but then decidedthat I could use the additional revenue from this books sales to buy a boatIve had my eye on, as well as upgrade to first class whenever possible andwriters could become best-sellers sooner by following the steps I lay out ineasy-to-grasp, simple-to-apply terms.