Lucy Cuthew - Blood Moon

To Bronwen, Helen,Kirsten and Rachel. I perch on the bench in the planetarium staffroom and take out my phone with its smooth black and gold star-spangled case and read all the messages from today while I wait listening to the silent room, checking its empty before I get changed. Theres a message from Dad and a ton in the chat with the girls called BEANS ON TOAST (the only thing any of us can cook). Dad I will be the one in the white ford behind the trees at five past zero hundred hours. D x I think hes being funny, but I dont get it. Hes on another planet. At least hes agreed to pick me and Harriet up around the back, and not inside the ice rink, like he wanted to.

I open BEANS ON TOAST. Harriet Just getting ready!! Bethany Remind me why were going to an *ICE RINK* birthday party. Are we ten again? Leylah Apparently its free cos Jacksons on the ice hockey team, but its totally so he can show off to everybody. Harriet He can show off to me. Apparently hes amazing. Bethany Lol. Bethany Lol.

Im secretly quite up for it. Marie Im openly up for it. Itll be fun. Harriet What you all wearing? Leylah Shorts and a crop top And a massive hoody, to get past the parent police. Marie Erm Ley, *ICE* skating Im wearing two pairs of leggings and a vest under my dress. Leylah Ugh.

Changing now. Warm clothes are so unflattering on me. At least Ill be allowed out. Harriet You always look lovely. Has anyone heard from Frankie today? Me Im here! Just finishing work. Tell me when youre there.

XX I finish typing, then take off my uniform and let my dress slink down over my not completely flat (but also not yet satisfactory) chest. A dab of concealer, a sweep of Benefit tint on my cheeks and Im good to go. Jackson TwiggersSweet Sixteenthat the Ice Rink Disco. (Although Jackson Twigger. Sweet? LOL.) While I wait for the girls, I scroll on my phone. Harriets posted a photo of herself in our tree house. #GettingReady #InstaMakeup #Starlight #Stargazing #NightsOut She looks really pretty, her eyes all smoky, but I know the photo is from ages ago.

It shouldnt annoy me, but were not getting ready in our tree house tonight and I hate when shes being fake. Under the photo Jacksons replied, ur hot . Harriets written thanks babe and done a winky face. (Does she actually like him or does she just like flirting?) Harriet Were here! Bring it, biatch. I pull on my trainers, then open the door to the atrium where Vidhi is putting away a wooden box of sparkling meteor rocks. I wish Id waited here chatting to her about astronomy instead of looking at what Harriets posting.

Have a good time, Vidhi says. You were great today. Youre clearly really into this. Thanks, I say, her compliment blazing inside me incandescently. And send me your application for the summer programme. Or you can just bring it next Saturday.

Ill make sure Elaine gets it. Thanks, I say, again, a flutter of nerves at the thought of her and the director of this whole place reading my essay. Thanks, Vidhi. See you next Saturday. Ill be rooting for you! she says, which means t he World to me. #LifeGoals I push open the double doors and breathe in the street-light night. #LifeGoals I push open the double doors and breathe in the street-light night.

Over the buildings, the crescent moon is a sharp, bright slice of other-worldly light. I snap a quick picture. The moon comes out tiny, all of its majesty lost by my phones complete inability to take a picture of something so far from me. I know Harriet will find it funny. Me Took this and thought of you. #ShitPicturesOfTheMoon Harriet LOL.

Get your ass in here. Skatings starting soon.

Frankie! Harriet screams, waving at me, bracelets jangling, as I walk into the chilly and unnecessarily brightly lit room. The music is loud, and our crowd spills out of a booth near the rental boots. I climb over the back of the seats and slide in between Harriet and Marie. Jackson is already strutting in front of the group, talking loudly as though were his own personal audience.

Theres Bethany, Leylah, Marie, me, Harriet (laughing loudly), Dev, Lee, and Charlie. Jackson is telling everyone how last weekend he got a new mountain bike on his actual birthday. He went out riding, and met two girls who were all over him because chicks dig bikes. Then he tells us how he ended up shagging them both as a birthday present. (Yeah, right.) He shows us all a picture of him straddling his bike, with two girls kissing him, one on each cheek. How long do we have to listen to this? I mutter to Harriet, but she doesnt answer me, and Jackson is still going, gesticulating grotesquely with his over-mobile groin. Harriet grins at me and fans her fanny then rolls her eyes like shes about to faint.

I whisper to Marie, Is it just me, or is Jackson disgusting? but Maries not listening. Then Jackson looks at me scathingly. Maybe he heard me. I hope he did. I dont care if he hates me. Harriets eyes stay fixed on him.

Then she laughs at something he says, and throws back her head, like a wolf howling at the moon. As she does, her tilted-back head leaves a gap under her chin and I notice someone I hadnt previously seen: Benjamin Jones. Hes sitting between Dev and Lee in a leather jacket, looking explosively cute. He turns his eyes to me, and right then something physical happens down below. Hes so good-looking I can feel the photons bouncing off him and colliding with me. #InstantCrush

The next time Harriet laughs, mine and Benjamins eyes meet in the tiny bit of spacetime her thrown-back head creates.

I smile at him slightly. He smiles back at me. I dont know when we last spoke but recently I have noticed him noticing me. Only now its not just noticing each other, or looking at each other. Were really seeing each other.

What are you blushing about? Harriets whisper is like sandpaper on my eardrum.

Im not! I squeak, my voice high, my larynx tight. I thought she was too busy watching Jackson to notice the colour of my cheeks but shes staring at me, a single raised eyebrow grilling me. My cheeks grow redder under the heat. I could tell her Im giving Benjamin the eye, but I quite like the privacy of realizing I fancy Benjamin and not telling her. I usually tell her everything. Fine, ignore me, she says, clambering over me.

Im going to talk to Lee while my hair still looks amazing. (Which one is it? Jackson or Lee?) Then she leans back in. By the way, blushing fact: apparently its not just your cheeks the blood rushes to when youre embarrassed. Its your lady lips too. She nods at my crotch and grins and I whack her. Harriet! Ugh.

You make everything disgusting! Thats why you love me, she smirks as she leaps off the bench, sticks the landing, and flicks her hair back like she knows she looks amazing. Her skirt is hitched up, stuck on her tights, and I try to tell her but the music is so loud. And anyway, right then I catch Benjamins eye again and am presented, instantly, with confirmation of her blushing fact.

Harriet squeezes on to the end of the bench, leaning in to whisper something to Lee, and pushing Benjamin one person closer to me. I listen to him chatting to Dev, wondering how I might join in. Then the waitress brings our shakes.