Michael Scott - The Ballad of Black Hawk and Billy the Kid: A Lost Story from the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel

From: Billy the Kid

To: Niccol Machiavelli

Subject: So I took your advice

Niccol,

Thank you for the email. Next time, do me a favor, use a shorter password for the encryption, and preferably one in English. Took forever to input it on my phone.

I am healing remarkably quickly, but I will probably not be able to put weight on my leg for another month. The docs keep telling me Im lucky I didnt lose it; I reckon Im lucky I still have my head!

When Black Hawk asked for my help, all he said was that the crystal skull wed be stealing from beneath the Pryor Mountains was guarded by a few little people. My parents, as you know, were both Irish, and my mother often spoke about the Little People of her homeland, and they sounded like good-natured, humorous sorts. So I sort of thought these would be like an American Leprechaun and, I mean, how scary does that sound?

These particular Little People were Nirumbee: twenty-four inches of ugliness, with the strength of ten men. The one who broke my leg picked me up like I weighed nothing and threw me from one side of a river to the other. Now, you and I have seen some things, and I still have nightmares about the Old Spider, but I have a feeling these Nirumbee would terrify Aerop-Enap herself.

Black Hawk carried me back to the van and drove me to an emergency room in Billings. We said Id fallen while climbing. Not sure the doc believed us. He was Native AmericanCrow, I thinkand Im sure he recognized the little bone-tipped arrows sticking out of Black Hawks backpack.

Do I need to tell you that we didnt get the crystal skull? Do I need to add that Im not going back to try again? Next time, Marethyu can go get it himself; Im done with the Little People!

Im going to take your advice and spend the next couple of weeks learning a few more languages. Ill start with Italian so you can send me even more incomprehensible passwords.

Im also going to attempt to keep a diary, as you suggested. Ive tried a couple of times over the years, but always gave up because, well, I always reckoned nothing really exciting ever happened to me. But then I got to thinking about it, and I remembered that time I became immortal, of courseand that time I helped fight Scathachs old boyfriend in Vegasand when Virginia Dare and I went into the Grand Canyonand when

So, okay, you win; Ive had some exciting times.

These last weeks have given me time to think. This is probably the longest Ive ever stayed in one place. Black Hawk comes every day (I think he feels guilty because he got me into this mess), and weve taken to reminiscing about our adventures. Talking to him reminded me about the wild times Ive had, and youre right, maybe I should write them down before someone else does. Shakespeare, probably, though Palamedes told Black Hawk recently that the bards got writers block and hasnt written anything new in years. Even while I was still alive, there were some crazy lies told about me, and since I died in 1881, a whole industry has grown up around my name. Someone sold a picture of me recently for over two million dollarsand it wasnt even a very good picture.

Black Hawk told me some stuff I never knew about him. Did you know he wrote a biography and had a wife, Singing Bird, and they had five children? You probably did, youve got everything in those secret files of yours, but Ive been hanging around with Ma-ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak since 1880 and this was the first Id heard about that.

I was talking to Black Hawk a couple of days ago about keeping a diary, and he thought it was a great idea. I mentioned that I hate writing because my handwriting is illegible, even to me, and Ive destroyed too many keyboards by stabbing too hard at the keys. He suggested I record myself. Hes got a great app on his phone that turns spoken words into text. You know, when I was growing up, wed have said that was magic, but I suppose a lot of what we do today would seem like magic to a previous generation. Black Hawk came over yesterday and we tried it out. It was a lot of fun; even brought back some stuff Id forgotten. We started talking about the first time we met. I saved his life, but he sort of disputes that. Claims that he didnt need saving.

Ive attached the audio file to this email. Its mostly me talking, but the app recorded Black Hawks interruptions as well. I was going to delete them, but I couldnt work that out and in the end I decided to leave them in.

Ill come over to France and visit as soon as I can. It would be nice to see Flamels house, though Im not too keen on the creepy catacombs, so Ill take a pass on that. I think Ive had enough tunnels and caves for a while.

I really want to visit Disneyland, Paris! Theyve got Frontierland and a Big Thunder Mountain ride I need to go on. I also want to check out Buffalo Bills Wild West Show and see how authentic it is. I saw the real thing.

Scathach sends her regards. She called by to see how I was doing, brought me some fruit and a great pair of boots, made from some extinct dinosaur skin. (The last pair were cut off me in the hospital.) Shes living down in Taos now. She looks well. Actually, she looks exactly the same as shes always looked.

William Bonney

Bored, in San Francisco

attached mp3 & transcribed pdf

Billy: Is this on? So what do I do, just talk?

Black Hawk: Yes, Billy, Ive hit record. You just talk as normal. The app will record you and then turn your speech to text.

Billy: Thats weird.

Black Hawk: Billy, you broke your leg when you were thrown thirty feet by an eighteen-inch-tall Nirumbee when we tried to steal their sacred crystal skull. Now, thats weird!