Sally Fairfax - The Making of a Best-Seller: Secrets to Self-Publishing and Marketing Your Book

Im not gonna sit here and sugarcoat anything, writing is a pain in the ass. There, I said it. So before you go on, just know that it is completely and utterly the biggest pain-in-the-ass job just like any other job like a plumber, garbage guy, mail lady, anything for that matter so you should probably know that piece of info before diving into a business like this. If youre doing it for easy cash, fame, or any level of actual fortune, just quit now while youre ahead. Writing is not for you.

Im like that tough-love mother. Im not going to coddle you, Im not going to motivate you, Im not even going to claim you are good at writing. Im here to help, and lifting your spirits, Im afraid, will not bring you success in this writing business. And as Rick from Rick & Morty the TV show would say, Gotta rip that bandaid off quick, now, Summer. It actually is beneficial to view the writing business as a chore, an actual competitive job, a job that is just as bad as McDonalds minimum wage or something... because it is. The reason why viewing the writing business in this light will help you is because the entire process of writing and actually publishing your work is like throwing a cast out into the ocean and wanting to catch a damn Whale!: think James Patterson or Stephen King and their success, thats the Whale Im referring to.

So in the meantime, the only thing you should worry about, as far as casting into the ocean goes, is not expecting to catch anything. If you get a little fish or a medium-sized bass, the goal is to go out, try, and just have fun. I know thats clich and is probably turning you off from the title of this book which is based on success in the writing industry, and thats kind of the point. I want every single one of those kinds of buyers of this book to get a thousand miles away from here, because they are a waste of my time, and frankly, a waste of yours if you want to end up doing business with or along side them. Literally never trust anyone who tells you they will give you success, including my lame-ass!

This all said, again, Im your soul-crushing, tough-love-advocating mother and I want whats best for you in every way possible. But I want you to know if you are going into this wanting success, you are sadly mistaken, my ignorant child. This crap is work. And a lot of it is a hustle more than actual success. Im telling you right now, you will have a million shitty days before you run into that one day of success. So you have to ask yourself: Is my 15-minutes worth it? Is it worth it to literally uproot everything in my life for a pipe dream? Because, frankly, any and all writers who claim they want success are just holders of pipe dreams. You will know a good writer from a bad writer based on how they discuss their career. If they go into it not expecting anything, doing it because it gives them some level of solace and fulfillment, and success being secondary and more appreciated than expected, that, my child, are those good writers.

I dont care if you are writing a book with the main character being an old talking sock inside a trailer home though am I crazy or wouldnt that be a damn cool book? I want you to know any and all ideas for books can be good ideas and can be done great depending on writer talent, but if you expect the world to grant you recognition or favors or to call you great or good at writing or give you any satisfaction in that sense of the word, get out of this business as quickly as possible because this is never, ever, ever, EVER going to pan out for you. Period....

So without further ado, lets get this show on the road so you can publish your next garbage best-seller. Did she just suggest that ALL best-selling books are trash?! Yes, my ignorant child. I most-certainly did. *smiles*

Before ever deciding to write, you have to know exactly what you like as far as your tastes go in literature. You must firstly think of yourself as a reader before you ever even think to write, because, let me be the first to tell you, youre going to be spending a hell of a lot more time reading than you are writing. In that sense, you have to fully give up the idea of yourself getting paid, and always be a customer first. Be more excited in other peoples work than your own. This seems self-explanatory, but most writers dont get the concept.

When you go into a book store, it shouldnt be the average buyer who was recommended something by his/her coworker or is just wanting to be cool by reading the latest Harry Potter-like series. When you go into bookstores like Barnes & Noble, it should NOT look something like this:

You walk up to the book-search bitch-guy/lady, you ask him/her, Where is (insert your favorite genre here) section?

Sir/madam, its over there. Anything specific?

No. Nothing specific. Im just a reader who wants to explore but really I want to be a dick by buying only popular books because Im that much of a prick and close-minded.

Oh. Shrugs. Well, the Starbucks counter is over there in case you want to look pretentious while being a total hipster!

Touch, madam/mister. Sound kick-ass. And you go off your marry way into the land of exploring pointless titles.

What it should look like is you constantly scanning, constantly soaking in any and all books you find. Give literally all of them a chance because, frankly,