Meg Cabot - Boy Crazy! 3 Every Boys Got One

Dear Holly and Mark,

Surprise!

I know neither one of you would bother to keep a record of your elopement, so Ive decided to do it for you! This way, when youre approaching your twentieth anniversary and your oldest kid has just wrecked the Volvo and your youngest has just come home from her cushy Westchester private school with head lice and the dogs thrown up all over the living room rug and, Holly, youre asking yourself why you ever moved out of the righteous East Village pad we shared for so long, and, Mark, youre wishing youd stayed in resident housing down at St. Vincents, you can open this diary and go, Oh, so THATs why we got married.

Because you two are the grooviest couple I know, and totally belong together, and I think eloping to Italy is a BRILLIANT idea, even if you did steal it from Kate Mackenzie in Human Resources.

The eloping part, I mean. Not the Italy part.

But she HAD to elope. I mean, with in-laws like hers? What CHOICE did she have?

But you two are doing it for the pure romance of the thingnot because you HAVE to, because both your families are perfectly respectable.

Well, I guess there is that teensy religion thing with your moms.

But whatever! Theyll get over it.

Anyway, thats what makes your elopement so special.

And I plan to record every detail of that special-ness, starting now, before we even get on the plane. Before I even meet you guys at the gate. Which, by the way, where ARE you, anyway? I mean, we were supposed to get here three hours before our departure time. You know that, dont you? I mean, it says that right on the ticket. For international travel, please arrive no later than three hours prior to departure time.

So. Where are you guys?

I suppose I could email you on my new BLACKBERRY, but as you keep reminding me, Holly, its for WORK PURPOSES ONLY, which is the only reason the IT guys let you have them (thanks for mine, by the way. I mean, its nice of Tim and those guys to think of me, even though I dont exactly work there anymore).

God, I hope nothing happened to you. I mean, on the way. People drive like maniacs on the expressway.

Waityou didnt change your minds, did you? About getting married? You cant. That would be awful! Just AWFUL! I mean, you two are so perfect for each other not to mention, it would be totally unfair to cancel on me. My first trip to Europe, and my travel companions ditch me? As it is, I cant even believe Im really doing it. Why did I wait so long? Who turns thirty without having been outside the continental United States at least once in her life? No Paris with French class in the 11th grade. No Cabo for Spring Break in college. Whats wrong with me, anyway? Why am I such a non-transcontinental flying freak?

And okay, seriously, what is with the guy with the cell phone over there? I mean, hes cute and everything. But why is he yelling? Were going to Italy, dude. Italy! So chill.

Okay, ignore the guy on the cell phone. IGNORE THE GUY ON THE CELL PHONE. I cant believe Im wasting the first pages of your travel diary on him. Who cares about him? IM GOING TO EUROPE!

I mean, WERE going to Europe.

I think. If you two arent lying in the twisted wreckage of your taxi to the airport on the Long Island Expressway.

Lets just assume you were running a little late this morning and that you arent dead.

Thank God you two are making me do this. You and Mark, I mean, Holly. Im finally crossing the Atlantic, and for what better REASON? God, its so romantic

(Oh, wait, thats the same guy who was in front of me at the duty free! The one who was rolling his eyes because I bought all those bottles of Aquafina. Obviously he hasnt read this months Shape . They say air travel is very dehydrating, and that you should drink half your body weight in water during the course of your flight if you want to avoid jet lag.)

And okay, they have water on the plane and all, but is it good water? I mean, as good as Aquafina? Probably not. I saw this thing on Ask Asa on Channel 4 where they sent the water from a plane to a lab and it was filled with all these microbes! And okay, it was the water from the tap in the plane bathroom, and no one would really drink that, but still.

Not that MY mom and dad wouldnt kill me if I did what youre doing, Holly. Elope, I mean. And to ITALY, of all places.

But its just so totally you, Holly. God, youre lucky. Mark is so grounded. And Mark, I know I give you a hard time about being such a sci-fi geek and all, but seriously, if I could meet a guy as

(Oh my God! Cell Phone Guy just practically threw his phone at one of those little carts with the old people in it! The one taking them to their gate! And just because the guy driving it made that backing-up-truck sound to warn him he was in the way. God, whats got his panties in such a bunch? Although he hardly looks like a panty-wearing type of guy. Jockeys, more likely. Or maybe boxers.

Oh, no. How can I give this diary to Holly and Mark if its full of musings about some random guys underwear????

NOW what am I going to give them? I cant give them candlesticks or something. This is HOLLY. It has to be something SPECIAL.

Okay, well, one mention of underwear. You guys dont mind, do you? I mean, its just underwear .)

Where was I? Oh yeah. Mark. So cute, in spite of the Star Trek Next Generation marathons he makes you watch, Holl. So responsible, with the whole doctor-and-health-column thing. Which reminds me, I need to ask him about this mole on my elbow. God, Hollys so lucky, she can get her moles checked for free anytime she wants. Why cant I find a boyfriend with a useful skill like that? All Malcolm can do is beat me at Vice City. And what good is that? Can a high score on Vice City save you from a life-threatening carcinoma? No.

Okay, now I totally cant give this to Holly and Mark. What is wrong with me ?

Cell Phone Guy just hung up on whoever it was he was talking to. I just heard him go, That is inexcusable, but that was all I could get because theyve got CNN turned up so loud in here. Now hes got out his Blackberry. Hes typing into it furiously. I will never be able to type that fast into mine.

But maybe thats a good thing. Cell Phone Guy is a classic example of a Type A personality, as illustrated in lastmonths Shape. I can practically SEE his blood pressure going up. I hope he doesnt stroke out on the plane.