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All statements of fact, opinion, or analysis expressed are those of the author and do not reflect the official positions or views of the CIA or any other U.S. government agency. Nothing in the contents should be construed as asserting or implying U.S. government authentication of information or agency endorsement of the authors views. This material has been reviewed by the CIA to prevent the disclosure of classified information.
Dont Just DateInvestigate!
Acknowledgments
It is because of the significant contributions made by other people that this book exists. I want to thank God for blessing me with a mind that refuses to accept things as they are and a desire to find a way to make things better.
I want to thank my family: my wife, Cindy, who is an incredible mother to our four childrenGrace, Madeline, Will, and Abbyand a very supportive wife; my father, Rick Crum (FBI Special Agent-retired), who taught me the value of hard work and a positive attitude and always led by example; my mother, Joan Crum, who taught me to have compassion for others and made sure to remind me that it is good to be right, but it is right to be good, and is a living saint whom you would be fortunate to meet; my brothersRichard, Matt, Brian, and Kevinwho helped me establish a competitive spirit, and with whom I learned the value of working as a team; and my younger sister, Anne Kelley, who helped inspire the idea for this book through my desire to help her navigate through life with the ability to identify deception and make informed decisions.
In addition I would like to thank Bill Fairweather (Chief of Polygraph Division, CIA-retired) for introducing me to the art of detecting deception and helping me start my career in the CIA. I want to thank Barry McManus (Chief Polygraph Examiner, CIA-retired) for trusting me to represent him and his courses.
Finally, I want to thank my agent, Bob Diforio, Career Press and their amazing team, and Rusty Fischer, who was a major contributor to this book.
About This Book
Is he lying to you? According to recent statistics, the chances are very good that he is. According to Tim Cole of DePaul University, Most individuals (92 percent) admit having lied to a romantic partner or can recall an occasion where they were not completely honest....
Of course, not all lying is created equal. Asking your date how much he earns per year might result in the confident reply of Six figures! Well, earning $100,000 a year is technically six figures (and far from shabby), but its a long way from making $250,000 annually (which is more along the lines of the six figures he was probably implying). So, did he just lie? And, more importantly, how many half-truths, omissions, or evasions are you willing to overlook in a romantic partner?
If youre like most people, the answer is plenty. Adds Cole, When not explicitly deceiving partners, many people acknowledge withholding information or trying to avoid certain issues altogether.
I want to change all that.
From the CIA to the Singles Scene: The Dating Detective
I used to conduct polygraph exams for the CIA. As an Intelligence Analyst at the National Counterterrorism Center, Terrorist Identities Group, my work was used in support of intelligence assessments for the Executive Office, to include the President in the war on terror. Now I consult people on deception in their everyday lives, be it on the job, at home, or particularly in their relationships.
I have spent my life studying human interactions and identifying deceptive behaviors, and today Im known as the Dating Detective. I can teach you to determine when someone is lying to you.
Is He Lying to You?
Ask the frustrated single woman what she looks for most in a member of the opposite sex, and shes likely to give an exasperated, one-word answer: honesty. Modern women have been lied to, betrayed, fibbed to, deceived, and disappointed more times than they care to admit, but thats because theyve been playing too much defense, and not enough offense.
Dont trust someone just because they look sincere when they say something; dont be fooled by another wolf in designer clothing. Instead, learn the secrets of how the CIA interviews and investigates people to actually know if your date is telling the truth.
Decode the Opposite Sex by What They Doand DontSay
Now its time to take off the gloves, roll up your sleeves, and take back control of your dating life. I begin by setting up a fictionalbut all-too-realscenario in which one woman (well call her Ashley) is participating in a speed-dating event at her local nightclub.
In this scenario you will act as the Dating Detective to determine your innate ability to identify deceptive behaviors. You will judge the verbal and nonverbal responses of four very different guys. How every guy responds is indicative, at least to me, of whether or not he is telling the truth. Ill leave the results a mystery (for now), and will reveal which of the four men were lying at the end of the bookas well as how to spot the clues right away. In this way, Ashley and every other woman will be able to spot deception just as I can by the final chapter.
Next Ill continue with the very definition of a lie; youd be surprised by how many ways there are to lie, the degrees of lying, and what, exactly, constitutes a lie. For instance, there is deletion and fallacy, there are various levels of lying, such as significant and harmless, and, finally, there are four specific reasons guys will lie, such as preservation, privacy, or even courtesy.
Then I will introduce my Get REELL Strategy, which will guide you to use your senses in a whole new way. This strategy comes in handy with my next big revelation: everybody lies! Ill teach you not to look for truthful behavior, but instead to be on the lookout for deception.
Ill continue by introducing the concept of your Window of Focus, which can help you spot the difference between What Is Normal behavior and whatand whento look and listen for. From there I introduce the Two Biggest Signs of Deception: sleep points and guilt twists. With these two signs alone, I contend, anyone can spot deception, even on their very first try.
Next comes one of the books biggest features: a real-life, real-time list of more than 101 examples of verbal deception. Now you can know what to be on the lookout for, and, just as importantly, what to listen for when one of these pops up. From verbal we shift to the nonverbal, with a chapter on nonverbal deception titled Liars Moves.
And finally, the conclusion of the speed date. Here Ill expose which men were telling the truth and who was being deceptive. Lastly, I provide three advanced concepts to help you put the lessons youve just learned into real-life scenarios with such sections as Setting the Stage, Rapport, and Trusting Your Intuition.
Dont Just DateInvestigate!
When you use my strategies for detecting deception, you will immediately gain more control over your future; these strategies can be applied to all of your interactions with men, including dating, committed relationships, and even marriage.
Whats more, they work as well in the boardroom as they do in the bedroom; women who learn these strategies can be better employees, coworkers, negotiators, bosses, and businesspeople. By looking for deception rather than honesty, you, too, can detect deception at any time, in any place.
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