I
FIRST LETTERON THE WAY
In this day and generation, when everybody goes to Europe, it is difficult to discover the only person who never has been there. But I am that one, and therefore the stir it occasioned in the bosom of my amiable family when I announced that I, too, was about to join the vast majority, is not easy to imagine. But if you think that I at once became a person of importance it only goes to show that you do not know the family. My mother, to be sure, hovered around me the way she does when she thinks I am going into typhoid fever. I never have had typhoid fever, but she is always on the watch for it, and if it ever comes it will not catch her napping. She will meet it half-way. And lest it elude her watchfulness, she minutely questions every pain which assails any one of us, for fear, it may be her dreaded foe. Yet when my sisters blessed lamb baby had it before he was a year old, and after he had got well and I was not afraid he would be struck dead for my wickedness, I said to her, Well, mamma, you must have taken solid comfort out of the first real chance you ever had at your pet fever, she said I ought to be ashamed of myself.
My father began to explain international banking to me as his share in my preparations, but I utterly discouraged him by asking the difference between a check and a note. He said I reminded him of the juryman who asked the difference between plaintiff and defendant. I soothed him by assuring him that I knew I would always find somebody to go to the bank with me.
Most likely twill be Providence, then, as He watches over children and fools, said my cousin, with what George Eliot calls the brutal candor of a near relation.
My brother-in-law lent me ten Baedekers, and offered his hampers and French trunks to me with such reckless generosity that I had to get my sister to stop him so that I wouldnt hurt his feelings by refusing.
My sister said, I am perfectly sure, mamma, that if I dont go with her, she will go about with an ecstatic smile on her face, and let herself get cheated and lost, and she would just as soon as not tell everybody that she had never been abroad before. She has no pride.
Then you had better come along and take care of me and see that I dont disgrace you, I urged.
Really, mamma, I do think I had better go, said my sister. So she actually consented to leave husband and baby in order to go and take care of me. I do assure you, however, that I have bought all the tickets, and carried the common purse, and got her through the custom-houses, and arranged prices thus far. But she does pack my trunks and make out the laundry listsI will say that for her.
My brothers contribution to my comfort was in this wise: He said, You must have a few more lessons on your wheel before you go, and Ill take you out for a lesson to-morrow if youll get up and go at six oclock in the morningthat is, if youll wear gloves. But you mortify me half to death riding without gloves.
Nobody sees me but milkmen, I said, humbly.
Well, what will the milkmen think? said my brother.
Mercy on us, I never thought of that, I said. My gloves are all pretty tight when one has to grip ones handle-bars as fiercely as I do. But Ill get large ones. What tint do you think milkmen care the most for?
He sniffed.
Well, Ill go and Ill wear gloves, I said, but if I fall off, remember it will be on account of the gloves.
You always do fall off, he said, with patient resignation. Ive seen you fall off that wheel in more different directions than it has spokes.
I dont exactly fall, I explained, carefully. I feel myself going and then I get off.
I was ready at six the next morning, and I wore gloves.
Now, dont ride into the holes in the streetone is obliged to give such instructions in Chicagoand dont look at anything you see. Dont be afraid. Youre all right. Now, then! Youre off!
Oh, Teddy, dont ride so close to me, I quavered.
Im forty feet away from you, he said.
Then double it, I said. Youre choking me by your proximity.
Lets cross the railroad tracks just for practice, he said, when it was too late for me to expostulate. Stand up on your pedals and ride fast, and
Hold on, please do, I shrieked. Im falling off. Get out of my way. I seem to be turning
He scorched ahead, and I headed straight for the switchmans hut, rounded it neatly, and leaned myself and my wheel against the side of it, helpless with laughter.
A red Irish face, with a short black pipe in its mouth, thrust itself out of the tiny window just in front of me, and a voice with a rich brogue exclaimed:
As purty a bit of riding as iver Oi see!
Wasnt it? I cried. You couldnt do it.
Oi wouldnt thry! Oid rather tackle a railroad train going at full spheed thin wan av thim runaway critturs.
Get down from there, hissed my brother so close to my ear that it made me bite my tongue.
I obediently scrambled down. Teds face was very red.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself to enter into immediate conversation with a man like that. What do you suppose that man thought of you?
Oh, perhaps he saw my gloves and took me for a lady, I pleaded.
Ted grinned and assisted me to mount.
When I successfully turned the corner by making Ted fall back out of sight, we rode away along the boulevard in silence for a while, for my conversation when I am on a wheel is generally limited to shrieks, ejaculations, and snatches of prayer. I never talk to be amusing.
I say, said my brother, hesitatingly, I wear a No. 8 glove and a No. 10 stocking.
Ive always thought you had large hands and feet, I said, ignoring the hint.
He giggled.
No, now, really. I wish youd write that down somewhere. You can get those things so cheap in Paris.
You are supposing the case of my return, or of Christmas intervening, ora present of some kind, I suppose.
Well, no; not exactly. Although you know I am always broke
Dont I, though?
And that I am still in debt
Because papa insists upon your putting some money in the bank every month
