Fanny Fern - Folly as It Flies

To

MY FRIEND

Robert Bonner,

EDITOR OF THE NEW YORK LEDGER.

For fourteen years, the team of Bonner and Fern, has trotted
over the road at 2.40 pace, without a snap
of the harness, or a hitch of the
wheels.Plenty of oats, and
a skilful rein, the
secret.

Yours Truly,

FANNY FERN.

I wish every husband would copy into his memorandum book thissentence, from a recently published work: "Women must be constitutedvery differently from men. A word said, a line written, and we arehappy; omitted, our hearts ache as if for a great misfortune. Mencannot feel it, or guess at it; if they did, the most careless of themwould be slow to wound us so."

The grave hides many a heart which has been stung to death, becauseone who might, after all, have loved it after a certain carelessfashion, was deaf, dumb, and blind to the truth in the sentence wehave just quoted, or if not, was at least restive and impatient withregard to it. Many men, marrying late in life, being accustomed onlyto take care of themselves, and that in the most erratic, rambling,exciting fashion, eating and drinking, sleeping and walking wheneverand wherever their fancy, or good cheer and amusement, questionable orunquestionable, prompted; come at last, when they get tired of this,with their selfish habits fixed as fate, tomatrimony. For a while itis a novelty. Shortly, it is strange as irksome, this always beingobliged to consider the comfort and happiness of another. To havesomething always hanging on the arm, which used to swing free, or atmost, but twirl a cane. Then, they think their duty done if theyprovide food and clothing, and refrain (possibly) from harsh words.Ahis it? Listen to that sigh as you close the door. Watch thegradual fading of the eye, and paling of the cheek, not from agesheshould be yet youngbut that gnawing pain at the heart, born of thesettled conviction that the great hungry craving of her soul, as faras you are concerned, must go forever unsatisfied. God help suchwives, and keep them from attempting to slake their souls' thirst atpoisoned fountains.

Think, you, her husband, how little a kind word, a smile, a caressto you, how much to her. If you call these things "childish" and"beneath your notice," then you should never have married. There aremen who should remain forever single. You are one. You have no rightto require of a woman her health, strength, time and devotion, to mockher with this shadowy, unsatisfying return. A new bonnet, a dress, ashawl, a watch, anything, everything but what a true woman's heartmost cravessympathy, appreciation, love. She may be rich ineverything else; but if she be poor in these, and is a good woman,she had better die.

There are hard, unloving, cold monstrosities of women, (rareexceptions,) who neither require love, nor know how to give it. We arenot speaking of these. That big-hearted, loving, noble men haveoccasionally been thrown away upon such, does not disprove what wehave been saying. But even a man thus situated has greatly theadvantage of a woman in a similar position, because, over the needle awoman may think herself into an Insane Asylum, while the active,out-door turmoil of business life is at least a sometime reprieve tohim.

Do you ask me, "Are there no happy wives?" God be praised, yes, andglorious, lovable husbands, too, who know how to treat a woman, andwould have her neither fool nor drudge. Almost every wife would be agood and happy wife, were she only loved enough. Let husbands,present and prospective, think of this.

"Now, I am a clerk, with eight hundred dollars salary, and yet my wifeexpects me to dress her in first-class style. What would you advise meto doleave her?"

These words I unintentionally overheard in a public conveyance. I wenthome, pondering them over. "Leave her!" Were you not to blame, sir,in selecting a foolish, frivolous wife, and expecting her to confineher desires, as a sensible woman ought, and would, within the limitsof your small salary? Have you, yourself, no "first-class" expenses,in the way of rides, drinks and cigars, which it might be well foryou to consider while talking to her of retrenchment? Did it everoccur to you, that under all that frivolity, which you admired in themaid, but deplore and condemn in the wife, there may be, after all,enough of the true woman, to appreciate and sympathize with a kind,loving statement of the case, in its parental as well as maritalrelations? Did it ever occur to you, that if you require no more fromher, in the way of self-denial, than you are willing to endureyourselfin short, if you were just in this matter, as allhusbands are notit might bring a pair of loving arms about yourneck, that would be a talisman amid future toil, and a pledge ofco-operation in it, that would give wings to effort? And should it notbe so immediatelyshould you encounter tears and frownswould younot do well to remember the hundreds of wives of drunken husbands,who, through the length and breadth of the land, are thinkingnotof "leaving" them, but how, day by day, they shall more patientlybear their burden, toiling with their own feeble hands, in a woman'srestricted sphere of effort, to make up their deficiencies, closingtheir ears resolutely to any recital of a husband's failings, norasking advice of aught save their own faithful, wifely hearts, "whatcourse they shall pursue?"

And to all young men, whether "clerks" or otherwise, we would say, ifyou marry a humming-bird, don't expect that marriage will instantlyconvert it into an owl; and if you have caught it, and caged it,without thought of consequences, don't, like a coward, shrink fromyour self-assumed responsibility, and turn it loose in a dark wood, tobe devoured by the first vulture.

The other day I read in a paper, "Wantedboard for a young couple."What a pity, I thought, that they should begin life in so unnaturaland artificial a manner! What a pity that in the sacredness of a homeof their own, they should not consecrate their life-long promise towalk hand in hand, for joy or for sorrow! What a pity that the sweethome-cares which sit so gracefully on the young wife and housekeeper,should be waved aside for the stiff etiquette of a public table ordrawing-room! What a pity that the husband should not have a "home"to return to when his day's toil is over, instead of a "room," as inhis lonely bachelor days!