Claire Hitchon - Finding Heart Horse: A Memoir of Survival

Reviews

Have you ever wanted something so badly it was all you could think of? All you could talk about, write about, dream about. Claire did. She wanted a horse. Finding Heart Horse is her journey and her search for her Heart Horse. It takes her from being the girl most likely to succeed to a life on the streets of Yorkville in the late sixties.

As an adopted child she had no identity, no history, and no place where she fit. Her years on the streets lead her into many dark places, where she began to add more secrets and traumas to her already large collection in the wall of secrets.

Life changed quickly in those days, from peace and love to war and violence. She went along for the ride not knowing where it would lead, just knowing that she had to find Heart Horse.

If you know anyone who may be struggling, perhaps even yourself, Finding Heart Horse can give you hope where you thought there was none. We all have different journeys, but the essence is the same. We all want to be loved, to belong, and to be happy. Everyone at some point has yearned for something so powerful that, like a magnet, it pulls you into the unknown. Even if you werent really sure what it was for, you knew you had to pursue it.

Life lessons are learned, spirituality discovered. The reality of opposites is proven. With pain comes pleasure, with despair comes hope, with sadness comes joy, and perhaps along the way even your Heart Horse may be found.

This account of her adopted life by Claire Hitchon, the first of two memoirs, is a true story of courage, endurance, and survival in the face of abuse, hardship, and misfortune. She writes with clarity, never losing sight of her Heart Horse, the beauty of her future. This work by a new writer is encouraging, uplifting, and inspirational. Cant wait for the next book!

Von Coates

Adoption blogger, Activist and Post-Adoption Consultant

To not only live and survive this story once, but then to put a pen to paper to relive it again requires tremendous strength and courage. I am always in awe of the human spirit. The inner knowing that pulls you forward despite the odds, knowing there has to be something better.

Tammy Chater

Traditional Chinese Medicine RAc

A portion of the royalties from this book will be donated to Covenant House, Vancouver, Canada.

Finding Heart Horse

A MEMOIR OF SURVIVAL

CLAIRE HITCHON

With Janice Harper

First Prize Winner in the Hay House Nonfiction Contest 2013

Copyright 2013 Claire Hitchon.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8607-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8609-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8608-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013920233

Balboa Press rev. date: 12/9/2013

CONTENTS

This book is dedicated to all beings that suffer.

May they find hope and discover resilience within themselves.

With flowing tail and flying mane,

Wide nostrils never stretched by pain,

Mouths bloodless to the bit or rein,

And feet that iron never shod,

And flanks unscarred by spur or rod

A thousand horse, the wild and free,

Like waves that follow ore the sea,

Came thickly thundering on.

Lord Byron, Mazeppa, 1819

This memoir was written in anticipation that my story will reach someones heart and spark a flame of hope for that person to go on, find the resilience needed to survive, or thrive and live. I have learned a great deal in these six decades of life, and I want to acknowledge all of the teachers Ive had, both formally and informally, and all those who helped me along the way.

There are no accidents in lifeit is always a great teacher. Synchronicity played a part in bringing me to a medical conference where I met an author who kindly gave me the name of Janice Harper. Janice has been amazing in helping me sort out the many stories in one huge pile of writing and dividing it into two. Thank you.

Immense gratitude goes to the Dakini figures (female, energetic beings, spiritual muses, inspirational, wrathful figures in Tibetan Buddhism) that have played such a huge part in my ability to recognize what my life has meant and will mean as I move forward through these life stories.

Unending thanks and love goes to my first mentor (Dakini) Daryl.

I am so grateful to all the teachers of the Dharma that have come into my life with lessons to be learned, prayers to be said, and conversations to be had. Without them, I would never have been able to be here now, in peace.

To my dear friends, Susan Wilson, Catherine Leigh, Darlene Smith, Karen Baker and Diane Richards, who have stood by me throughout this healing process, my heart is yours.

To my friends Joan Carruthers, Bill Varela and John Ostrander, who were always close by to lend a helping hand when needed and offer words of encouragement, thank you.

Immense gratitude and love goes to Tammy Chater, who has travelled this writing journey with me, healing my body, mind and spirit in so many ways. I couldnt have done it without you.

To my amazing daughter, I hope when these books are completed that I will have inspired you as much as your presence in my life has inspired me. I love you always and forever.

This book is a compilation of memory, imagination, deduction, investigation, and supposition. It is an honest inquiry into my life, but my memory is my own. It is limited by the limits of my own mind and impacted by my perceptions. I have omitted some names, changed others, and left many as they are.

I always wanted a horse. Ive wanted a wild horse, a Palomino horse, an Appaloosa horse, a racehorse, a pony horse, and even a miniature horse. I would have settled for a rocking horse, a stuffed horse, or even just a picture of a horse when I was a child, but even those small pleasures were prohibited. And so it was that when I was eight years old, I gave myself my own horse, my imaginary Heart Horse.

Ive had this strong attraction to horses for as long as I can remember. Like a magnet, they have always pulled me in and held me close. They appear in my dreams and on blank pages in my sketchbook. They calm me when Im disturbed and excite me when Im bored. My nose longs to inhale their warmth, and my fingers crave the feel of their soft, wet nuzzle. My eyes are drawn into their own dark, all-knowing eyes, and I immediately feel an inexplicable connection. This must be what it feels like to be loved, I think whenever a horse looks into my eyes.