Naomi Kanakia - The Cynical Writers Guide to the Publishing Industry

Table of Contents

He had two lives: an apparent one, seen and known by all who needed it, filled with conventional truth and conventional deceit, which perfectly resembled the lives of his acquaintances and friends, and another that went on in secret. And by some strange coincidence, perhaps an accidental one, everything that he found important, interesting, necessary, in which he was sincere and did not deceive himself, which constituted the core of his life, occurred in secret from others

Anton Chekhov, from Lady with the Little Dog (trans. Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky)

Part 1

Introduction

One afternoon I was sitting in an Amtrak train, editing a manuscript by hand, and the woman next to me said, Im sorry, are you a writer?

I said, Im a novelist!

Thats what I usually say instead of saying Im a writer. Just sounds more impressive. And it was true: my debut novel was about to come out from a major press.

She said, Oh, wow, Im trying to write a novel too!

This is where most writers would have politely fobbed her off and returned to their work. Many writers, for reasons that are mysterious to me, find Im working on a book or I have an idea for a book to be insulting. Theyre all like, If I was a rocket scientist, it would be absurd for someone to say, oh yeah Im thinking of building a missile myself.

The thing is: Writing isnt rocket science. You dont need specialized training. Nor is it really a profession. All of us were once ordinary people who were trying to write a novel, too and, to be honest, given the brevity of most writing careers, sometime in the five or ten years after we publish our first book, the publishing industry will shut its doors to us, and well be helpless strivers once again.

In fact, I still feel like a striver! I still feel like every book that I publish is a victory against incredible odds! I am exactly what this industry doesnt want: a writer who has published two books that didnt become blockbuster best-sellers. From the standpoint of the New York-based publishing industry, I am pretty dispensable. Nobody would mind if I just drifted away, and yet I persevere.

In fact, I wrote much of this guide during the midst of my year-long search for a literary agent (my third). More on that later. But if youre looking for a writing guide from someone whos an immense success, go read Stephen King or Ray Bradburys books. But Ill tell you one thing: those books are great for writing advice, but not nearly so great when it comes to publishing. This is a book by someone whos right out there, doing exactly the stuff youll have to do in order to publish a book.

I love talking to aspiring writers. I have, several times, seen unknown writers blow up overnight and sell their books for a million dollars and become New York Times bestsellers. Very little separates an aspiring writer from someone slightly more successful, like me. In todays market, there is no such thing as being a writer. If your books arent smash hits, you have zero security. If your books arent hits, it will become progressively harder to sell them to publishers, and eventually youll find yourself shut out of the market. Unless Ive had some staggering change of fortunes, this is probably happening to me, right now, as you read this book.

If youre anything like most aspiring authors I meet, you greet this news with one of two attitudes:

1. You know its hard, but you are confident that you will be the author who beats the odds and makes a career.
2. You know its hard, and you assume youll never sell a book, but for some reason you persevere anyway.

Both of these attitudes are incorrect. It is extremely difficult to survive long-term in the writing world, but its very possible to sell a book or three. Thats the fun of this game! Everybody can play, and most people, if they play long enough, will win at least some small prize.

I wrote this guide because we are all beginners. We are all perpetually trying to break in. We are all hungry, and we are all scrapping. There is no end to the struggle. It will never get easier. In fact, it sometimes gets harder. I got my second agent after querying for two weeks; finding my third took almost a year!

As you progress in your writing career, what I want is for you to gain and maintain a sense of perspective. Dont think of the publishing industry as your friend. Whether its agents, editors, publishers, booksellers, or reviewers, nobody is your friend. But nobody is your enemy, either. These are a bunch of people, just like you, who are trying to survive in a difficult marketplace.

In order to sell books, every writer has to contend with that marketplace. And by marketplace, I dont just mean readers. Ultimately, you are not only selling books to readers. You are selling them to a bunch of internal decision makers: you sell them first to an agent, then the agent sells them to an editor, the editor sells them to their bosses and to the sales team, the sales team sells them to booksellers, and the publicist tries to sell it to news outlets. And when it comes to this process, you rapidly lose control. You dont get to be in the room where decisions are made about your book. All you can control is the book itself. So if its ever going to reach the readers, your book needs to be designed to satisfy all of these audiences.

Right now, you might be thinking, Oh, this is one of those books. Its some sort of schlocky, Save-the-Cat style book thats gonna teach me how to write formulaic bestsellers.

Not at all! The world doesnt need more formulaic bestsellers. What it needs is more uniqueness. I think hits are great, and my advice will give your book the best chance it can have of being a hit. But the world also needs more deeply-felt and deeply personal novels. If a book is only read by five thousand people, but those people cherish it for the rest of their lives, then that book is to my mind a great book. My advice is targeted at only one audience: the aspiring writer with a unique vision and a deeply felt story who wants to get their work in front of readers.

Now at this point, youre thinking, What about self-publishing?

Its a valid point. For many books, self-publishing is a good option. After all, this bookthe one youre readingis self-published. I never sent it to publishers; I was too embarrassed. The tone felt too confessional and too cynical for me to even send it to my agent. But books like this, advice manuals, have an audience on self-publishing platforms. Many types of books do not have that, and they are doomed to failure from the moment theyre published, simply because the readers arent there.

I love self-publishing. I have read and enjoyed lots of self-published books. But this book isnt about that. I dont have any wisdom on how to succeed as a self-published writer. Go to some other book for that! This book is about one thing and one thing only: how to trick a traditional publisher into buying your book.

And my advice is not write exactly the kind of book that traditional publishing wants to buy. There are plenty of books out there thatll teach you how to write to formula. Im not about that.

This book is about how to take your book, your baby, the thing youve slaved over and adored, and camouflage it as the only thing traditional publishing wants: a potential bestseller.

In the first part of this manual Im going to discuss the structure of the marketplace. Who are these mysterious people, editors, and how do they decide what books to buy? I focus on the incentives that power big publishing enterprises, and on the reasons why even potentially profitable books might not be of interest to publishers who are only interested in big hits.