Chris Ferrie - Quantum Bullsh*t: How to Ruin Your Life with Advice from Quantum Physics

ALSO BY CHRIS FERRIE

Where Did the Universe Come From? And Other Cosmic

Questions: Our Universe, from the Quantum to the Cosmos

The Cat in the Box

Quantum Physics for Babies and many other books

in the bestselling Baby University series

Copyright 2023 by Chris Ferrie

Cover and internal design 2023 by Sourcebooks

Cover design by Pete Garceau

Cover images amtitus/Getty Images

Bacteria image by Dartmouth College Electron Microscope Facility

All other internal images Chris Ferrie

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Ferrie, Chris, author.

Title: Quantum bullshit : how to ruin your life with advice from quantum physics / Chris Ferrie.

Description: Naperville, Illinois : Sourcebooks, [2023]

Identifiers: LCCN 2022006648 (print) | LCCN 2022006649 (ebook) | (trade paperback) | (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Quantum theory--Popular works.

Classification: LCC QC174.123 .F48 2023 (print) | LCC QC174.123 (ebook) | DDC 530.12--dc23/eng20220726

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022006648

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022006649

To Albert Einstein

You would have hated this

Hi. Im Chris. Im the author of the bestselling childrens science book Quantum Physics for Babies. If you are reading this aloud to a child right now, please stop. This book is not for childrenwell, at least not for children in 2023. Perhaps it is really 3023. In which case, go you, thirty-first-century hipster reading the classics. In 3023, maybe f-bombs are rated G, or maybe there is no rating system at all because its a postapocalyptic world where children are badasses who fight robots and shit. But lets not start the first paragraph on a tangent.

So where was I? Oh, yes, I wrote this book. I suppose you want to know what its all about. First, Im going to assume you picked up this book for two reasons: (1) my name is on it and Im awesome, and (2) you are utterly confused by quantum physicsand Im still awesome.

Either you just want to get your schadenfreude tickled as we laugh along at the inanity with which our fellow humans have bastardized quantum physics, or you really want to know what makes quantum bullshit stink. By quantum bullshit, I mean the endless inane ways people stick the word quantum in front of whatever dubious product theyre trying to sell you, hoping to convince you that their product is somehow both mysteriously mystical and scientifically proven. Ive written this book as if you were of the latter camp, though Im confident youll still get a few chuckles along the way. By the time we are done, if you arent laughing, youll definitely be crying.

Youve probably figured out already that the subtitle of the book is sarcasm; I dont actually want you to ruin your life. In fact, I want to save you from quantum bullshit. You clearly have some interest in me (who can blame you?) but also a deep fascination with quantum physics. I mean, I definitely cant blame you for thatquantum physics is pretty rad. But I went and wasted fifteen years of my life studying it. Uh, I mean, I totally didnt waste fifteen years of my life studying it. Shit. That sounds less convincing, doesnt it? Anyway, you wisely didnt do that. Your fascination stems from spectacular claims about quantum physics from science journalists and social media hot takes. Unfortunately, these have only served to confuse you further.

But it gets worse (for you, anyway). Not only is quantum physics confusing, it is also super important. It is the basis of all modern technology. So you should probably understand at least some of it, yeah? But how can something so important be so fucking difficult? Im here to tell you its not your fault you dont get it. Well, maybe its a little bit your fault? Its certainly not my fault; at least we can agree on that. The situation is really unfortunate. Clearly, Im not recommending you spend fifteen years studying quantum physics. But I do recommend you spend a few hours here with me, and Ill give you enough quantum knowledge to shield you from the worst of the bullshit spouted about it.

Heres the thing. Quantum physics is by far the most accurate scientific theory ever invented. It allows us to understand the structure of matter so we can buildatom by atommaterials that dont exist anywhere else in the universe. It allows us to understand what stars are made of and what lies beyond our telescopes deep in the cosmos. It allows us to build clocks that wont lose a second in the lifetime of the universe. It gave us lasers, medical scanners, and the computer you stole this book on the internet with. Quantum fucking physics. Id marry it if I could.

Yet this isnt just another book about quantum physics. This book is about bullshit. But its not about any old bullshit. This book is about quantum bullshit. Yeah. The good stuff. If you were a connoisseur of bullshit, youd chefs kiss this crap. Quantum bullshit makes run-of-the-mill bullshit almost palatable. Dont worry. Im not going to suggest you eat shit or anything. But I will tell you about some people that ought to.

For every scientist or engineer who has actual expertise in the topic, there is someone else out there who claims to understand quantum physics and says that knowledge has changed their life. Perhaps using quantum physics has healed some ailments, granted them financial success, or given them spiritual enlightenment. This is not just unfortunateits fucking bullshit. Im going to tell you why.

Western culture has a love-hate relationship with science. Many hate that it represents progress, and, fuck, who ordered that? Im doing perfectly fine here watching reruns of Clint Eastwood movies next to my tire fire. At the same time, though, Ill happily head down to the hospital to get the latest scientific medical advice when my foot turns green from that buckshot my cousin accidentally hit me with. Whats in this medicine? Science, you say? That sounds swellload me up. People love science when it confirms their biases or saves their asses. And therein lies the problem.

There are some sly individuals out therelets call them bullshitterswho want your money. I mean, Ill take your money if you are giving it away, but Im not going to lie to get it. Not all bullshit contains blatant lies though; the best misrepresentations of science are subtle. There is just enough science-sounding fluff on the bullshit to make it sound credible. And what is the perfect esoteric science no one is even prepared to question? Quantum fucking physics.