James Patterson - Cradle and All

Cradle and All

NO ONE could possibly understand how she felt. Kathleen still couldnt believe any of this was happening to her. In that regard, nothing had changed since the abortion clinic in Boston. She squeezed her eyes shut real hard.

It was brighter and more vivid behind her eyelids than in the hospital delivery room. She felt as if she were being lifted, then carried far away from Salvatore Mundi. Her baby was insignificant in the sweep of the universe and infinite time.

I am in so far over my head. This is so horrible. It must be a nightmare.

What is happening? Oh, my God, am I dying?

she thought.Please, let me wake up from this.

Push, she heard Anne say, and that brought her back to the present for an instant. Father Rosetti had told her to trust Anne, no matter what happened. She did. Anne was the only one she trusted. Anne was the best person here, the most solid, maybe the holiest.

Through eyes opened only a slit, a scene came to Kathleen

in a rush.It was nine months ago. It was the night of the dance, January 23.

She remembered everything as if it were happening all over again.

Her dress, the pale green satin Vera Wang that she had begged her mother to buy for her in Boston, was crumpled up underneath her breasts. There was a terrible weight on her chest. She could hardly breathe.

She saw herself in the speedy yellow Mercedes. Yes, she remembered that. Jamie was driving, and he looked drop-dead gorgeous. She could see every detail of his face and hair, and the way he looked at her. His good looks scared her but pleased her too.

The car had a dark, shiny interior and a gleaming instrument panel. The radio was blaring loud rock and roll, one group after another - Matchbox 20, Silverchain, Green Day, N Sync.

Then everything had changed - just like that.

They stopped to park, and he wanted to go all the way. He expected it. Jamie began yelling at her over the rhythm-heavy rock music. He was using words that were so sexual, so crude and suggestive. Kathleen held both her hands over her ears.

They were at gloomy, pitch-black Sachuest Point and it was late at night. No one was around but the two of them.

I told youno!she finally yelled back at him. No meansno.Please, Jamie. Please listen to what Im saying. Dont you dare touch me! Take me home. Is that clear enough?

Then Jamie went really wild and berserk and nuclear. Kathleen felt a rough hand mauling her chest, grabbing at her between her legs. Jamies voice was suddenly much deeper, scarier. He outweighed her by a hundred pounds and he was strong.

She was terribly afraid of him now. So helpless in the dark, deserted park.

She didnt know what to do, or how to stop him. She bit down hard into the back of his outstretched hand. Jamie screamed in pain.

He threw the door open on her side, then pushed at her roughly. Jamie was yelling obscenities at her, the worst shed ever heard, even at school. His face was beet red.

Walk home, Ice Queen! Walk, you cunt!

Suddenly, another car pulled up in the lovers lane. Two boys got out. They staggered, looking drunk or stoned or both. She knew them. It was Peter Thompson and Chris Raleigh. Had they been following behind the Mercedes?

Kathleen stumbled out onto the crunching, frozen roadside. The raw smell of freezing cold ocean filled her nose. Her body tingled from the biting cold.

Jamie and the two other boys came up from behind. Jamie lunged at her. She had never seen anyone so out of control and angry in her life. The other two boys were almost as bad.

She didnt want to remember any more of this.

She didnt want to remember Jamie Jordan and what had really happened at Sachuest Point.

Push, Kathleen,

she heard.

SWEAT DRIPPED OFF JUSTINS FOREHEAD and ran down the sides of his face in rivulets. It was hot and dank and close in the small bedroom. It was also the most intimate experience Justin had ever had - to be present at a human birth, to watch this young girl deliver her baby.

He kept hearing the words over and over in his mind:If you cant believe there can be a miracle now, a divine birth, how can you say that you ever believed?

Colleen Galaher was fully dilated and she was working hard to deliver the child. He was right there with her.

Justin wondered if the fourteen-year-old girl had been in any way prepared for the intense pain. He now understood a little of what it was like for a woman to have a baby. He felt humbled by the experience. He also felt tender and loving toward the patiently suffering girl. Most of all, he felt blessed.

If you cant believe there can be a miracle now.

But he could, by God, he did believe!

Once or twice, his mind left the cottage room in Maam Cross. He wondered what was happening in Rome. He was terribly afraid for Kathleen and Anne. If anything happened to them he could never forgive himself.

In the last few minutes a profound change had come over him. He was starting to believe that Colleen was the true virgin, that hers was the true holy child. If that was so, what would happen in Rome? What was happening? Had Anne been put in danger by Father Rosetti?

In the small bed with the tattered blankets, the Irish girl cried softly and tried to be brave. She was much prettier than he had thought. The birth of her child was tense and scary but it was also the most beautiful thing Justin had ever witnessed in his life.

Be prepared for anything, he heard Rosetti warn from the other side of the bed. Youre drifting. Stay with us, Justin.

Im right here, Father. Im ready.

Are you ready for this? Rosetti asked.

As he looked on, a tiny head began to slide from between Colleens thin legs. Suddenly, he was seeing life in a way he never had before. He understood something about marriage and love and sex that he had never understood before.

Justin reached out and gently placed his hand under the childs tiny head. It had thick dark hair like Jesus as a man. He was rapt with awe.

Hes here! Colleen announced in a soft, reverent voice. He has come.

PUSH, Kathleen heard.

Shepushed.God, how shepushed.ShepushedJamie Jordan away and tried to run as fast as she could for the road out of Sachuest Point.

The skirt of her satin dress was slim and restricting. She pulled it up around her waist and ran. Jamie was insane about not getting what he wanted. What was he thinking? What was he doing? What about the other boys? Why were they here?

Behind her, both cars accelerated, shooting up sprays of gravel, white smoke, sand, and dirt. Jamie and the other boys were heading back to Newport without her?

Oh, my God, its freezing,

Kathleen realized, and began to panic.He cant just leave me out here. How can he be so mad? I dont belong to him. He has no right. I didnt lead him on. I didnt promise him anything.

Tears blinded Kathleen. The harsh, strong wind coming off the ocean blew right through her clothing, blew her beautiful silver headband off her head. Dervishes of powdery snow swirled around her thin-soled shoes.

He has to come back for me. Ill freeze out here. I could die. I will die!

Kathleen slowed to a walk on the crusty dirt road. She had no other choice. This was the only way back to town, and it was miles.

She pointed herself toward the distant pocket of lights that were the city of Newport. Everywhere she looked there was a faint, eerie ground glow. All around her, the ocean was roaring like a squadron of low-flying airplanes. No one would hear her screams for help.

One of her feet struck a sharp, protruding rock. She fell, striking the ground hard. She groaned and sobbed loudly She had twisted her leg. Kathleen curled herself into a small, safe ball on the ground. That felt better - better than facing the freezing cold.