Jennifer Brown - Hate List

Copyright 2009 by Jennifer Brown

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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First eBook Edition: September 2009

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

ISBN: 978-0-316-07120-8

For
Scott

Well show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

NICKELBACK

[FROM THE GARVIN COUNTY SUN-TRIBUNE,
MAY 3, 2008, REPORTER ANGELA DASH]

The scene in the Garvin High School cafeteria, known as the Commons, is being described as grim by investigators who are working to identify the victims of a shooting spree that erupted Friday morning.

We have teams in there going over every detail, says Sgt. Pam Marone. Were getting a pretty clear picture of what went on yesterday morning. It hasnt been easy. Even some of our veteran officers got pretty shaken up when they walked in there. Its such a tragedy.

The shooting, which began just as students were preparing for their first class, left at least six students dead and countless others wounded.

Valerie Leftman, 16, was the last victim shot before Nick Levil, the alleged shooter, reportedly turned the gun on himself.

Hit in the thigh at close range, Leftman required extensive surgery to repair her wounds. Representatives at Garvin County General list her in critical condition.

There was a lot of blood, an EMT told reporters on the scene. He must have hit her artery just right.

Shes very lucky, the ER nurse on duty confirmed. Shes got a good chance of surviving, but were being really careful. Especially since so many people want to talk to her.

Reports by witnesses at the scene of the shooting vary, some claiming Leftman was a victim, others saying she was a hero, still others alleging she was involved in a plan with Levil to shoot and kill students whom they disliked.

According to Jane Keller, a student who witnessed the shooting, the shot to Leftman appeared to be accidental. It looked like she tripped and fell into him or something, but I couldnt tell for sure, Keller told reporters at the scene. All I know is it was all over real quick after that. And when she fell on him it gave some people a chance to run away.

But police are questioning whether the shot that took down Leftman was an accident or a double suicide gone awry.

Early reports indicate that Leftman and Levil had discussed suicide in some detail, and some sources close to the couple suggest they talked about homicide as well, leaving police wondering if there is more to the Garvin High shooting than originally thought.

They talked about death a lot, says Mason Markum, a close friend of both Leftman and Levil. Nick talked about it more than Valerie, but, yeah, Valerie talked about it too. We all thought they were just playing some game, but I guess it was for real. I cant believe they were serious. I mean, I was just talking to Nick like three hours ago, and he never said anything. Not about this.

Whether Leftmans wounds were intentional or accidental, there is little doubt in the minds of the police that Nick Levil intended to commit suicide after massacring nearly half a dozen Garvin High students.

Witnesses at the scene tell us that after he shot Leftman he pointed the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger, says Marone. Levil was pronounced dead at the scene.

It was a relief, says Keller. Some kids actually cheered, which I think is kind of wrong. But I guess I can understand why they did it. It was really scary.

Leftmans participation in the shooting is under investigation with Garvin County police. Leftmans family could not be reached for comment, and police will only divulge that theyre very interested in speaking with her at this time.

After I ignored the third snooze alarm, my mom started pounding on my door, trying to get me out of bed. Just like any other morning. Only this morning wasnt just any other morning. This was the morning I was supposed to pick myself up and get on with my life. But I guess with moms, old habits die hardif the snooze alarm doesnt do the trick, you start pounding and yelling, whatever kind of morning it is.

Instead of just yelling at me, though, she started getting that scared quavery sound in her voice that shed had so often lately. The one that said she wasnt sure if I was just being difficult or if she should be ready to call 911. Valerie! she kept pleading, You have to get up now! The school is being very lenient letting you back in. Dont blow it your first day back!

Like I would be happy about going back to school. About stepping back into those haunted halls. Into the Commons, where the world as I knew it had crashed to an end last May. Like I hadnt been having nightmares about that place every single night and waking up sweaty, crying, totally relieved to be in my room again where things were safe.

The school couldnt decide if I was hero or villain, and I guess I couldnt blame them. I was having a hard time deciding that myself. Was I the bad guy who set into motion the plan to mow down half my school, or the hero who sacrificed herself to end the killing? Some days I felt like both. Some days I felt like neither. It was all so complicated.

The school board did try to hold some ceremony for me early in the summer. Which was crazy. I didnt mean to be a hero. I wasnt even thinking when I jumped in between Nick and Jessica. Its certainly not like I thought, Heres my chance to save the girl who used to laugh at me and call me Sister Death, and get myself shot in the process. By all accounts it was a heroic thing to do, but in my case well, nobody was really sure.

I refused to go to the ceremony. Told Mom my leg was hurting too much and I needed some sleep and besides, it was a stupid idea anyway. It was just like the school, I told her, to do something totally lame like that. I wouldnt go to something so dumb if you paid me, I said.

But the truth was I was scared of going to the ceremony. I was scared of facing all those people. Afraid theyd all believed everything theyd read about me in the newspaper and seen about me on TV, that Id been a murderer. That Id see it in their eyesYou shouldve committed suicide just like himeven if they didnt say it out loud. Or worse, that theyd make me out to be someone brave and selfless, which would only make me feel more awful than I already did, given that it was my boyfriend who killed all those kids and apparently I made him think I wanted them dead too. Not to mention I was the idiot who had no idea that the guy I loved was going to shoot up the school, even though he basically told me so, like, every day. But every time I opened my mouth to tell Mom those things, all that came out was Its so lame. I wouldnt go to something so dumb if you paid me.