Rachel Cohn - Naomi and Elys No Kiss List

Rachel Cohn
and David Levithan

This edition first published in 2008

First published in 2007 in the USA by Alfred A. Knopf

Copyright David Levithan and Rachel Cohn, 2007

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or ten per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

Allen & Unwin
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Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
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National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:

Cohn, Rachel.

Naomi and Elys no kiss list / Rachel Cohn; David Levithan.

ISBN: 9781741754865 (pbk.)

Subjects: Interpersonal relations Fiction.
Homosexuality Fiction.
Dating (Social customs) Fiction.
New York (N.Y.) Fiction.

Cover design by Sandra Nobes
Printed in Australia by McPhersons Printing Group

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Nancy the First

Thanks to our friends, family, and teen author crew, as always. For this book, specific thanks to Anna, Martha, Nick, Patty, Robin, all the kind folks at Knopf (with a special shoutout to Nancy, Allison, and Noreen), and the fine people at William Morris (particularly Alicia and Jennifer). And thank you to the fans who write to us; you always make our day.

CONTENTS

I lie all the time.

I lied to Mrs. Loy from the fourteenth floor when I assured her that I walked her dog three times a day and watered her plants while she went to Atlantic City to win the money for her sons sad operation (or for her own elective plastic surgery Im not sure).

I lied to the co-op board of my familys apartment building about my moms episode that left our living room wall in partial collapse soon after Dad left. I also backed up Moms lies to the board that wed pay for the damage. Monkeys will fly outta my butt before well be able to come up with the money to fix the fallout. The way I figure, if Mom and I arent bothered by living in ruins, why should the co-op board care?

I lied to the NYU Admissions Committee that I care about my future and my education. Im barely a year out of high school, and already I know this NYU deal is a losing proposition. I live out the college freshman lie to hold on to the only thing in my life thats not in ruinsEly.

I lied to Robin from psych class when I assured her that Robin from that time at the Starbucks at Eighth and University her and will call her. Theres no $$$ for me to move into the school dorms, and Robins a sophomore with a rare single who goes home on the weekends and lets me use her place when I need to escape The Building. The apartment building where Ive lived my whole life may be situated on prime Greenwich Village real estate, but escape from it is my prime priority: escape from parent drama or my lies or Mr. McAllister, the creepy up-and-down elevator man who lives down the hall from Mrs. Loy and whos been ogling me since I was thirteen and my breasts first announced themselves in the elevator mirror.

Ive lied to Mom every time Ive told her Ive stayed the night at Robins when really Ive stayed over at my boyfriends dorm room. I lie to myself that I need to lie about my whereabouts. Its not like Bruce the Second and I are doing it. Were more about a in bed, then turn out the light, and just sleeptil he leaves in the morning for his accounting class. I lie to him that I think accounting is a worthwhile subject to study.

I lied to Robin when he won our chess game in Washington Square Park after that time with Robin , and the price of my loss was my supposed obligation to answer Truth to his midnight question. Robin said hed watched five men trip over themselves from checking me out, while I merely glared at them. Robin wanted to know if I use my beauty for good or evil. Evil, I assured him. Lie. Truth: Im as pure as fresh snow over Washington Square Park on a winter morning, before the dogs and people and machines of this hard, hard city batter its perfect, peaceful beauty.

I lied to Bruce the Second when I promised we would have sex, the real kind, soon. Very soon. Wed barely made it to when his R.A. walked in and interrupted us. It felt like cheating on Ely.

I lied to Bruce the First when I let him believe he would be my first. Ely is supposed to be first. I can wait. Then maybe Ill let Bruce the Second truly be second.

I lied to the three different men and one girl at the Astor Place Starbucks who eyed me in the wall mirror today and then wanted to sit in the empty chair opposite mine. I pretended I didnt hear them through my They could go themselves elsewhere. I placed my feet up on the empty chair, to reserve it for Ely. Only Ely.

Mostly, I lie to Ely lie to ee-lie.

Ely calls my cell while I lie in wait for him. Im running late. Be there in about fifteen minutes. Hold my chair for me. Love you. He hangs up before I can reply. I lie to Starbucks that I even drink Starbucks while lounging around in their chairs, killing time.

Weve already survived so much together, whats fifteen minutes more to wait for him? His absence is time gained to spool my un-truths.

I lied to Ely when I told him I forgive his mom for what happened between our parents. I lied to Ely that Im happy for him since his parents worked things out and stayed together even though mine didnt and now my dad lives not in The Building anymore, far away.

I lied to my mom that the damage is done but its fine if she needs to take her time to process the fallout before she can find her future. I lied by comforting her that I believe shell make it through. Its not that I dont think she can. She just doesnt want to.