Corey Baker - Chasing Better: Awakening the person you have always longed to be

Copyright 2018 by Corey Baker
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2018

Print ISBN: 978-1-54395-028-1
eBook ISBN: 978-1-54395-029-8

Book Baby Publishing

www.coreybaker.us

Design by Jeremy Wells

Chapter

Fear

If you want to conquer fear, dont sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

Dale Carnegie

Thunderstorms

This seems like an odd place to start a book like this. Fear. Wouldnt this subject be better at the middle or the end? Isnt a book supposed to be like a great story that has an introduction, a conflict, and a glorious finish that makes everyone watching (or reading) stand and applaud for minutes on end? I think youve already read that book.

If we are chasing better, why is it important for us to take a few minutes to talk about fear? Its important because fear is one of the top killers of desire for anyone to chase better.

We all have fears. I know I do. Some of them are rational. Some of them arent. What does it even mean to chase fear better? How can I get better at fear? And is fear something I should eliminate completely from my life?

Its been said that we are born with only two known fears as babies: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Growing up in a house where I was the oldest of four boys, Ive always been accustomed to loud noises. Im just loud. I talk loudly. I watch sports loudly. I sneeze loudly. Im loud. By the wayon behalf of all of the loud sneezers in the world, we arent dramatic. We arent trying to put on a show. Its just how we sneeze. I dont understand quiet sneezers. Quite frankly, I dont trust them. If you are going to do something, go all out. Commit to it. Embody the sneeze. Moving on.

Even though I grew up in a house of all boys and am used to loud noises, I certainly get startled to this day when I hear an unexpected loud noise. I spent eighteen years living in Southwest Florida. You havent experienced a thunderstorm until you live there. Florida has more lightning strikes than any other state. Ive been in thunderstorms that felt as if a lightning bolt had literally landed in my back yard.

It almost takes your breath away. Fear grips you for a moment. Nature is so ridiculously powerful, and in the moment, you find yourself afraid. My kids definitely are not fans of loud noises. They get into the fetal position, put their head between their legs, and cover their ears.

Have you ever thought about this? We are almost never the cause of an unexpected loud noise. Thats what makes it unexpected. Loud noises are much easier to deal with if you expect the loud noises. Think of a concert, where DBs blare from speakers with frequencies so loud that the person next to you can be shouting something to you and you cant understand what they are saying. We arent afraid of those moments. We pay hundreds of dollars for them.

This means that we are most afraid of things that we dont understand or cannot control. There are close to seven billion people on Planet Earth right now, and all of us have one thing in common: we like to be in control. Sure, there are varying degrees of control. But all of us want it. And it scares us when we dont have it.

Thunderstorms make me feel incredibly small and powerless. I dont think I fear the loud noise nearly as much as what that loud noise represents. It represents not being in control.

Control Freak

Control really is a faade if you think about it. We are in control of far less than we realize. We have cars now that can drive themselves, yet that car that can drive itself cant stop a drunk driver from rear-ending me.

I dont believe this is license for all of us to just throw in the towel and not care anymore because we realize that so much is outside of our control. One of the worst things we do as people is stress ourselves out about things that we cannot control. Bottom line: If there is something chaotic that is happening in your life right now, I think it is important to ask yourself one question, Can I control this?

Can you control another person?

Can you control the weather that is causing your plane to be delayed for six hours?

Can you control the stock market?

Can you control the interest rate?

Can you control who the president is?

You cannot. Just because I cant control another person doesnt mean I should never trust. Just because the plane is delayed doesnt mean I have to invent new swear words as I stew in disgust. Just because the stock market is volatile doesnt mean I cant educate myself and invest wisely. Just because I dont think the candidate I support will win in my state doesnt mean I shouldnt vote.

In any situation, ask yourself, What can I do about this? There are some things I cant change. I cant change another person. I cant change the weather. I can change me, though. Know what Ive realized?

When I look at ANYTHING through those lenses, it makes me far less afraid. It takes the focus off what I cant control and puts it on what I can. I want you to list your top five fears right now, and I GUARANTEE you that they have something to do with something that isnt in your control. So, are you scared of the thing you are scared of? Or are you scared of the fact that you dont have control?

What if I told you that you do have control? Its just not over what you think. What if you focused less on worrying and more on creating?

Have you ever noticed the rabbit trails we allow our minds to run down concerning the things that we are afraid of? This happens mostly at night. Thank God for melatonin, otherwise Im not sure I would ever sleep. Yes, I take sleeping pills. Yes, Im sure that isnt the best. At least melatonin is all natural. Im way better at justifying than you are. Trust me.

Worrywarts

We can worry ourselves to death about things that will probably never happen. Growing up, my mom used to call me a worrywart. True story. Until the writing of this book, I didnt know that worrywart was a word. Like one word. I always thought it was two words. I thought that somehow, if a person worried for too long, they could develop warts. Dont judge me. Maybe I should start using word of the day toilet paper.

Apparently, worrywart IS a word, and it means: a person who tends to dwell unduly on difficulty or troubles.

My favorite word in this definition is the word unduly. Dwelling on things is just what we as people do. Is it good? Probably not. But its what we do. However, dwelling unduly on difficulty or troubles is what takes us from the normal category to the worrywart one.

Unduly dwelling happens when we start talking ourselves into being afraid. We start allowing what could happen keep us from doing something that should happen. Two of the most powerful words in the English language are the words what if.

What if is full of possibilities and potential. I love to dream and imagine what could happen. The problem is, most of the time when we use the words what if together, it isnt to dream of something amazing that is getting ready to happen. Its to picture the worst-case scenario.

We allow what if to talk us out of something instead of allowing what if to talk us into the action that would be required for us to create it.

I am fascinated by the notion that if humans are born with only two fears, that means the rest of our fears are learned. We learn to be afraid of snakes. And speaking in public. And getting rejected. And failing.