Barton John Frank - The golf guru: answers to golfs most perplexing questions

Text copyright 2009 Golf Digest Publications

Illustrations copyright 2009 Quirk Productions, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number:

2008936909

eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-813-4

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-59474-322-1

Designed by Jessica Hische

Illustrations by Ryan Snook

Quirk Books

215 Church Street

Philadelphia, PA 19106

www.quirkbooks.com

v3.1

Table of Contents

M Y FIRST GOLF GURU WAS MY FATHER. PAP WORKED AS THE GOLF PROFESSIONAL AND GREENSKEEPER AT THE COUNTRY CLUB IN Latrobe, Pennsylvania, where he first put my hands around a cut-down golf club when I was just three years old. He taught me about the gamenot only how to play it but also about its rules, culture, and traditions. He taught me manners, how to treat other people, how to behave, how to live.

I suppose throughout our lives we all encounter many different gurus. Of the many thousands of people I have met and played golf with over the years, I have learned something from most of them. And along the way, people have asked me many questions, too. Sometimes there are no easy answers. But a good starting point is always to go back to the basics. Do the right thing. Play by the rules. Be yourself. Treat the people and the world around you as you would like to be treatedwith courtesy and respect. These are things that dont cost a single cent.

This book, a collection of six years worth of Golf Guru columns in Golf Digest, is here to help you with answers to some of the games most important questions. It covers the gamut of golf, from etiquette to equipment, from fashion to far-flung golf courses, from history to how to play better. Theres even a chapter on golf jokes (some involving yours truly). Whether you are new to the game or a lifelong golfer, theres something for everyone here.

Golf is a great teacher, and the learning process lasts a lifetime. There will always be more questions than answers. If after reading this book you have some of your own, send them along to my friends at Golf Digest. Or ask a buddy. Or even send them to me. But I may be on the golf course.

Arnold Palmer

I T IS OFTEN SAID THAT GOLF IS LIKE LIFE. YOU GET GOOD BOUNCES AND BAD BOUNCES, AND SOMEONE IS ALWAYS KEEPING SCORE.

In many ways, of course, golf is nothing like life. It is an escape from real life, a safe haven, a retreat, a fraternity. But one thing the little game of golf and the big game of living have in common is that, in both, we are always looking for answers. We all want to do better. We want to understand the game and understand ourselves.

In golf, our questions start with the mechanical. Should we stand closer to the ball or farther away; swing slower or faster? How do we drive the ball farther or hit pitch shots like the pros to make the ball dance on the green and settle next to the hole? How can we hole more putts? Yet golf is about much more than hitting a ball. It is also about companionship, character, and competition. Its a game that meanders into math, physics, biology, history, law, social science, psychology, philosophy, language, and comedy. Its a year-round, worldwide, lifelong game played over several hours through all kinds of landscapes and among family and friends, strangers and enemies, lovers, comrades, paladins, sidekicks, lightweights, lickspittles, hucksters, and misfits.

With such richness comes an avalanche of endless questions. We want to know how to deal with a cheater, whether its OK to play in jeans, and who invented the Stimpmeter. We wonder why golf courses have 18 holes; whether age 77 is too old to take up the game; and what to look for in a new putter. We speculate about what to do when a ball lands in coyote dung; how much to tip a caddie; and how many golf balls are in the air on planet Earth right now . Golf is a question that will never be fully answered.

To attempt to provide some clues, Golf Digest debuted The Golf Guru column in September 2002, and, aside from a few months off here and there, it has appeared in every issue since. From the very beginning, the volume of questions has been overwhelming; the regret is that its simply impossible for one person to answer them all. But many e-mailed queries do get answered, especially those that are engaging and interesting, include a name and a hometown (anonymous messages are less likely to get a response), dont use all uppercase letters (electronic shouting is bad manners), and are full of lavish praise for the Golf Gurus wit, intelligence, charm, and good looks. And every questionhowever odd, rude, boring, or obviousis logged in the Golf Gurus electronic filing cabinet. We have now collected several thousand. The best of the best, the top of the tree, are published in the magazine.

This book is offered as a compilation of answers to the most important, pressing, or commonly asked of those questions. As the tagline to the column states, these are the things that every golfer should know. Included are extra questions; updates to answers that Id like to modify or, frankly, that I got wrong the first time; and some bonus chapters: a time line of golfs history, advice for coping with 12 awkward situations in golf, a composite course of my favorite 18 holes, a selection of golf jokes, and a compilation of remarkable facts and figures from a remarkable game.

This is more than a book, however, and more than a magazine column. Its a conversation and hopefully the startor the continuationof a beautiful relationship. To join in, drop me a note at guru@golfdigest.com.

T HE GOLF GURU OFTEN GETS ASKED WHAT THE SECRET OF GOLF IS. THERE ISNT ONE. THERE ARE MANY. BUT CONSIDER THIS MOST UNSECRET of golfs various sayings: Its not how, its how many. Translation: Your score is all that matters, not how you achieved it. Your par is no better or worse than my par. The scorecard is the only judge. No prizes for pretty swings.

One secret of golf lies in understanding that this ancient aphorism is 100 percent wrong, because the truth is exactly the opposite. What matters is not how many, but how. No one cares what you shot. What will be remembered is what you said and did, how you approached the game, the way people felt in your company. These things are the true test of a golfer. Play hard, of course. Play to win. But to hell with the final score. Golf is not about shooting a number. Its an opportunity to live well.

Q

A FRIEND STEPS BEHIND HIS BALL BEFORE EACH STROKE, FLATTENING OR BENDING ANY GRASS BEHIND IT. I MENTIONED THAT ITS AGAINST THE RULES TO DO THIS BECAUSE IT IMPROVES HIS LIE. HE REPLIED THAT OTHER GOLFERS HAD TOLD HIM ITS NOT A PROBLEM AND THAT PROS DO IT DURING TOURNAMENTS. WHO IS RIGHT?