Barbara Joy - Easy Does It, Mom: Parenting in Recovery

Any parent will find inspiration and encouragement from the beautifully written examples, and will learn many parenting skills to help them be the parents they always wanted to be.

Jane Nelsen, co-author of Positive Discipline for Parenting in Recovery and author of Serenity: Simple Steps for Recovering Peace of Mind, Real Happiness, and Great Relationships

Easy Does It, Mom is a gem. The format makes the book easy to read for busy parents, and it's filled with helpful, practical, and wise suggestions for positive parenting. Barbara's kindness and experience shine through this useful and touching addition to the parenting literature. A must-read!

Lynn Lott, MA, MFT, co-author of four books in the Positive Discipline series

As a mom, it is easy to feel that life has supersized itself beyond manageable. Demands tug at you from every direction. Easy Does It, Mom is a chance for moms to catch their breath and refocus. It is validation and it is encouragement, which we all need from time to time. Embracing the lessons in Easy Does It, Mom will help you to continue to make the world a better place.

Mary Rita Schilke Korzan, author of When You Thought I Wasn't Looking: A Book of Thanks for Mom

In a world rife with anger and lost hope, especially for many parents, Easy Does It, Mom is a ray of sunshine. Barbara Joy has provided critical step-by-step help for parents in need of direction. I've already made a list of parents I will give this book to.

Earnie Larsen, author of The Healer's Way: Bringing Hands-On Compassion to a Love-Starved World

I have been Director of Women's Recovery Services for nearly fourteen years and have... learned from the women and mothers who bravely address their addiction so they can move to the other side with hope and dignity. Easy Does It, Mom will give them the tools necessary to be the best possible mothers.

Cheryle Stanley, executive director at Women's Recovery Services

Easy Does It, Mom combines patience, acceptance, honesty, letting go, gratitude, faith, humility, and taking responsibility to help women build strong, healthy families. Joy refers to reallife stories with examples and strategies for moms, including writing activities to put the information in place to better serve the moms and help them gain the knowledge needed to make positive changes in their lives. Joy demonstrates compassion, is straightforward, and is always supportive and nonjudgmental with her work in this field, which also makes her a valuable role model for parenting women.

Sharon Youney, PsyD, RAS

First published in 2009 by Conari Press,

an imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

500 Third Street, Suite 230

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2009 by Barbara Joy. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

The poem Autobiography in Five Short Chapters on page 141 copyright 1993, by Portia Nelson, from the book There's a Hole in My Sidewalk. Reprinted with permission from Beyond Words Publishing, Hillsboro, Oregon.

ISBN: 978-1-57324-412-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Joy, Barbara.

Easy does it, mom : parenting in recovery / Barbara Joy.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-57324-412-1 (alk. paper)

1. Mothers and daughters. 2. Parenting. 3. Recovering addicts. I. Title.

HQ755.86.J69 2009

306.87430874--dc22

2008054630

Cover and text design by Tracy Sunrize Johnson

Typeset in Eidetic Modern, Neo, and Serif

Cover/interior images 2008 Aleksey Telnov/istockphoto

Printed in Canada

TCP

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I dedicate these pages to my children,
Scott, Andrea, and Carrie,
for they were the teachers in my classroom.
And to my grandchildren,
Bailey, Keoni, Brooke, and Kylie,
who continue to patiently share their teachings with me daily.

One of my consistent messages in this book is about the joy and good feelings that come from giving and receiving gratitude. I also frequently talk about the importance of having a village, not only for our children, but for us as well. There were many within my village who were instrumental in creating Easy Does It, Mom.

The gift (actually a miracle) of writing this book came to me in a way that I would never have imagined. Writing has been a passion of mine for many years. I thought I might write a book somedaymaybe in my retirement. In January 2008, I took my first official writing class from author and artist Mary Anne Radmacher. She saw my potential as a writer. She believed in me enough to introduce me to her publisher, Jan Johnson. My life changed that day.

Mary Anne, thank you for seeing something woven among my words that I had not yet discovered. I am grateful for the generous gift of your time and encouragement, and for the expertise you shared with me. Thank you for guiding (sometimes strongly nudging) me to reach down deep within and find my creativity. Your wit and contagious laughter are a gift in and of themselves. I am honored to have you as a kindred spirit, mentor, and dear friend.

I am grateful to Jan Johnson of Conari Press and to her staff for taking my words, doing their magic, and turning them into this book. I am forever grateful. Jan, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the opportunity to provide this resource to a group of moms that mean so much to me. Thank you for your time and patience in supporting and guiding me through the process of publishing my first book. I am privileged to have you as my publisher and to be a part of the Conari family.

To Sandy Liddell, Tina Armould, and Grace Meacham, my dear friends who have, over the years, consistently encouraged me to keep writing, I say thank you for your enthusiasm for my written words. You inspired me to keep my fingers on the keyboard.

To Cynara Martin and Joanne LaCasse, my forever friends, and my sister, Patty Pomi, who never wavered in their belief and support while I wrote, I say thank you for always knowing when I needed a phone call or a lunch break. A special thanks to Patty for watching over Mom while I wrote.

To Leslie Cotchett, Andrea Alexander, Grace Meacham, and Mary Gerber, I say thank you for your energy and the hours you spent as my readers. Your eyes and hearts saw and felt things that made this book even better.

Laura Brown and Andrea Alexander are my computer angels. Thank you for your patience answering my many late-night and early-morning computer questions. Thank you for all of the time you spent on your computers whenever I needed your help. I cannot even imagine what I would have done without the two of you.

Thank you to the many moms in recovery, especially those that I have learned so much from at Women's Recovery Services. We have been students and teachers to one another. It is a gift to be a part of your lives and your journeys as moms. You are women of tremendous strength, courage, and perseverance. Thank you for aspiring to be the best moms you can be. I know you will be supportive and encouraging for other moms in recovery.

A special thank you to the children of the moms in recovery who opened their hearts and shared their true thoughts and experiences with me. I have learned many important lessons from you, as will every mom who reads this book. Your contributions within these pages are full of insight and wisdom.