Cathy Glass - A Life Lost

Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the familys privacy.

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First published by HarperElement 2021

FIRST EDITION

Cathy Glass 2021

Cover design Claire Ward HarperCollinsPublishers 2021

Cover photograph Kelly Sillaste/Trevillion Images (posed by a model)

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008436612

Ebook Edition February 2021 ISBN: 9780008436629

Version: 2021-01-19

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A big thank you to my family; my editors, Kelly and Holly; my literary agent, Andrew; my UK publisher HarperCollins; and my overseas publishers, who are now too numerous to list by name. Last, but definitely not least, a big thank you to my readers for your unfailing support and kind words. They are much appreciated.

For life and death are one,

even as the river and the sea are one.

Kahlil Gibran

Chapter One

I knew it was going to be difficult, so I waited until my family had left the house that morning before I began to clear out Lucys room. Armed with cardboard boxes, bags, wrapping paper, sticky tape and a good dose of courage, I went upstairs and into her bedroom. Or rather, I should say, what had been her bedroom. Lucy, aged twenty-five, the elder of my two daughters, had moved out and was now living with her partner, Darren, and their baby, Emma. Of course, thats the natural cycle of life. Children grow up, leave home and start families of their own. Fine in theory, but I wasnt finding it so easy to accept in practice, even though I saw Lucy often.

She had come to me as a foster child many years before and stayed permanently to become my adopted daughter. Wed been through a lot over the years and now, at very short notice, I was having to clear out the last of her belongings to make room for Jackson, a ten-year-old boy Id been asked to foster. Lucy had already taken what she needed, so her shelves, drawers and wardrobe contained only those items she didnt require at present or had grown out of. Shed said a few times shed come over and sort out her belongings, but she was busy with her baby and Id told her there was no rush. There hadnt been a rush until Joy, my supervising social worker (SSW), had told me the day before that they needed to move Jackson from his home very quickly and had asked me to look after him.

My first reaction had been to say no, but as a foster carer thats very difficult when youre aware a family is in crisis and a child needs a home quickly. So Id asked Lucy, my son Adrian, my other daughter Paula and Tilly, the young lady I was already fostering, what they thought about having Jackson stay with us. Lucy had said she was fine about him having her old room, as her home was with Darren now. Adrian, aged twenty-seven, had concerns I might be taking on too much, which Id secretly thought too. While Paula, aged twenty-three, wasnt overjoyed wed be fostering another child with behavioural issues, as wed had plenty of experience of that before and knew it wasnt easy. (Jacksons behaviour was the main reason his mother was putting him into care.) Tilly said yes and offered to help look after him. That was very kind of her, although I doubted she knew what it was like to live with a child who was continually kicking off and challenging you.

So, with no one in my family really objecting, and aware that there was always a shortage of foster carers, I said I would take Jackson. Lucys was the only free room, so I now needed to get a move on and clear it, for, if all went according to plan, he would be with us later today.

It was strange, the little nostalgic reminders that brought a tear to my eye. It wasnt the rest of Lucys clothes that made me well up as I cleared them from her wardrobe, although I could smell her perfume on them. Or the soft toys and ornaments shed lovingly collected as a child that I removed from her bookshelves and carefully packed. Or the boy-band memorabilia from when shed had a crush on the lead singer. No, it was a couple of old hair braids that sent a tear down my cheek as I remembered plaiting her hair for school and then teaching her to plait it herself.

And the birthday and Christmas cards wed given to her over the years. All of them, wrapped in tissue paper in a drawer. I also found a partially composed note from her, handwritten one time before shed decided to apologize in person. It was from her teenage years and I remembered the incident that had led to it. One of a number when shed been testing the boundaries and had wanted to stay out very late. The letter began:

Dear Mum, Im sorry I shouted at you. I know you make the rules to keep me safe, but

Then she had come to me to say sorry. I remembered those cross words and the hugs and kisses that followed as we made up. Never go to sleep on an argument was my mothers philosophy, and my family and I very rarely did. Now, my darling daughter was a mother herself, and in years to come would probably face similar situations with her own daughter, Emma. My heart swelled with pride, love and admiration for everything Lucy and my other children had achieved.

Having paused for trips down memory lane, it took me over two hours to clear out the rest of Lucys room, then I thoroughly vacuumed and dusted it, and put fresh linen on the bed. I stacked the boxes and bags on the landing to store in the loft later, where they could stay until Lucy was ready to sort them out. Now the room was clear it had lost its personal touch and I returned downstairs rather melancholy and deep in thought.

But if this had been upsetting, it was about to get a whole lot worse. Shortly, I would be meeting Jackson, whose father and older brother had recently died the reason given for his anger. Or was there more to it? So often in fostering a child arrives with one story and then gradually you discover another. Time would tell, but for now I needed to get through what was going to be a very upsetting meeting with his mother.

Chapter Two

Whatever can you say to a woman whose husband has died and whose teenage son has committed suicide? I didnt know if the two tragedies were connected; Joy, my SSW, whod given me the details, wasnt sure. I was now driving to the council offices where the meeting was being held with thoughts of the family going through my head.