Sarah JordanJanice Hillman M.D.Paul Kepple et al.Random - The Teen Owners Manual. Operating Instructions, Troubleshooting Tips, and Advice on Adolescent...

Copyright 2010 by Quirk Productions, Inc.
Illustrations copyright 2010 by Headcase Design

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2009929778

eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-417-4
Trade Paperback ISBN: 978-1-59474-770-0

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Weve all heard the refrain: Just you wait until your kid becomes a teenager! Then youll be in for it. These scare-mongering tactics are pretty effective at spooking parents who are about to go through the teen years for the first time. Vague and doom-filled cautionary tales and whispered warnings produce chills down most parents spines largely because we arent precisely sure what we are in foror if we are ready.

But it only takes a brief walk down memory lane and recollection of our own youthful indiscretions to give us pause. Moms and dads can regale one another for hours with stories of sneaking out second-floor windows to get to that forbidden party, strategic omissions of who would be driving to a concert in order to get permission to attend, getting drunk on cheap wine with friends in the confines of sheltering rhododendron bushes, getting hot and heavy with the lifeguard under the boardwalk, sophisticated ways to hold the cigarette, seeing how many friends you could jam into a car, cranking up the radio and singing at the top of our lungs till we got to the mall.

Oh yes, we parents have had plenty of this type of nostalgic, slightly foolish (or totally reckless) adventures. But now we are the ones staying up late chewing our fingernails waiting for our son to come home from his first party with the guys on the varsity soccer team, or driving white-knuckled for a meeting with the principal about suspected cheating, or having to make small talk with our daughters prom date while we wait for her to emerge from her room in all of her blossoming beauty.

Our parents somehow got us through the teen years. But do we know what to do to guide our own kids? In these very different times? Parents may be tempted to go into serious lock-down on their teens freedoms and micromanage a son or daughters every move. But that would be wrong. A teens job during these years is to separate from the parental cocoon and establish his or her own autonomy and self reliance. Our job is to prepare our growing boy or girl for young adulthood, which will be coming soon enough. That means active and engaged parenting with plenty of compassion, communication, limit setting and thoughtful guidance. This book offers practical information on just how to do this.

The teen years are bewildering to both child and parent. Your teens mood swings, morphing body, hormone surges, complex and volatile social world, and drive for independence can really make parents feel clueless. All we ever want to do is help as our teens figure out this process of growing up. In this manual, we have divided the teen experience into seven chapters.

reviews the teens basic drives and motivations to explain her changing behavior. It also details basic parenting dos and donts to support your teen through her transformation.

breaks down the timing of puberty and describes what to expect during each stage. Youll learn about teen hygiene, sleep, and body image; what daughters want to know about breast development and menstruation; and what sons want to know about changing penile behavior.

homework, stress, and college admission prep.

dating, break-ups, hook-ups, and meddling in your teens romantic life. This chapter also addresses the age-old concerns about how to give The Sex Talk and impart advice on birth control and sexual orientation.

teaches you strategies for talking to your teen. It explains how to defuse raging or silent teens, how to handle bad language, and how to recognize the signs of teen depression.

discusses discipline and punishment, why kids take risks, and what to say to your teen about alcohol and substance abuse. This chapter also explains how to prep your teen for a party (and when to crash one); how to help your teen confront peer pressure; and even how to teach your child to drive.

recaps the journey you and your teen have completed and what to expect now. It also reviews how to handle your emotions once your child has left home, and what to do about a child who continues to live at home long after high school graduation.

Teens are starting adolescence earlier than eversome even by age eight!and staying in it longer. We hope this manual will leave you feeling prepared and able to enjoy this astonishing transformative process. (Of course this book is only a general guide, and there is no substitute for discussing individual questions and concerns about your teenager with a healthcare provider.) At the end of this process your son or daughter will be plunging into the big world, ready to make a difference (in a good way, of course). Ideally, your child will be on a unique path of exploration, prepared to meet the challenges, perils, and joys of life with resiliency, humor, and curiosity. And a call home to the parents every once in awhile would be nice, too.

Congratulations, and welcome to the world of parenting a teen!

This manual has been shaped by the wisdom and expertise of the highly esteemed, board-certified adolescent medicine specialist Dr. Janice Hillman. Dr. Hillman, whose two daughters have already completed the teenage experience, has been practicing for more than twenty years in the University of Pennsylvania Health System. She contributes the Doc Talk sidebars that appear throughout the chapters that follow.