Sonnen - The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment

First Published in 2012 by Victory Belt Publishing Inc.

Copyright 2012 Chael Sonnen

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission from the publisher.

ISBN 13: 978-1-936608-54-6

This book is for entertainment purposes. The publisher and author of this book are not responsible in any manner whatsoever for any adverse effects arising directly or indirectly as a result of the information provided in this book.

Dont Get Testy with Me;
or:
How I Beat Anderson Silva
Worse Than Any Man Has Ever
Been Beaten but Lost to a
Lab-Coat-Wearing Guy I Never Even Met

s you might imagine, I get contacted quite often by people requesting things, and the requests range from the mundane to the outlandish. I tend not to respond too frequently; when I do, I try to make my interest and involvement not only utilitarian but also as opaque as possible to avoid inviting even more requests, which my schedule would render impossible to address. Think Santa Claus has it tough? Imagine adding to his list of demanding customers the Jehovahs Witnesses and pretty much anyone else with any religious affiliation whos about to die and wants to be sure all his bases are covered.

I do my best to keep you informed by placing learned men like Galileo, Copernicus, and Kepler among you, but quite honestly, there seems to be no way to disabuse you of the collective notion that you are the center of the universe, and therefore worthy of my constant attention and intervention. Knowing what I know, I feel I can be blunt about this: You are not the center of the universe. There are momentary exceptions, of courseBen Hogan in 1953, Jim Morrison in 1968, Sia Furler singing Destinybut overall, you guys, and your needs and problems, are not the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning. Dont feel bad or get insultedno reason to get all butt-hurt here. Although you are not the closest thing to my mind, youre not the furthest, either. Youre just one of the many things Ive got to handle from day to day.

Being the Son of God, Im needed in a hundred places at once, and its impossible to hold on to a decent assistant. The cell never stops ringing, but when I try to answer, it always seems that Im in a place with really awful reception. Plus, my dads getting olderhes stubborn as can be, still wants to do everything himself. He shouldnt be driving at night anymore, but you cant tell him a thing; hes probably a lot like some of your fathers down there, calling to see how youre doing but also wondering if you might be able to tell him how to recover a deleted email or use the Google.

With that said, when Chael asked me to write the foreword to his book, I couldnt say no. Hes one of my favorite people; hes as sharp as a brand-new tack, funny, clever, and loyal. I stand behind whatever he says in this book, even when he contradicts himself completely and reverses his philosophical opinion over the course of five pages. I support whatever he says and the reasoning behind it, however elusive that may be to the normal, rational mind. After all, Chael has been a good friend and leaves me to my duties most of the time. And since its a little difficult to find good workout partners during my travels, its nice to know I can always drop in on him in Portland, throw on the ol singlet, and get a good workout with someone who trains hard, isnt afraid to be honest with me, makes me laugh, and keeps my secrets. I love hanging out with him, and although he doesnt know it yet, theres a good chance that Ill be spending a lot more time with him in the very near future.

This is a really good book. I want to say the best book, but of course I cant put it before that other great text. (I truly hope you all know which one Im referring to here.) Chaels manuscript is smart, funny, and most important, should help you make your own decisions and solve your own problems in my absence.

XXOO

(Chael, please edit out the hugs and kisses I gave at the end of my foreword. Realizing that some of your readers most likely wont be walking through the Pearly Gates, I dont feel it is an appropriate gesture. Oh, and make sure not to print this last partJesus.)

hats what all of you reading this are really thinking, even if you dont yet have the self-awareness youll have by the end of this book. I mean, lets be clear: you wouldnt pick up a book by Chael Sonnen and shadily park yourself in the caf of your local bookstore (dont get me started on cafs in bookstores) to peruse the opening pages over your fat mans latte, let alone buy this book, if you werent in some way interested in making your own thought patterns a little more like mine. Not that I blame you. Im very pleased with the way I think.

What if you were given this book as a gift? Thats simple. It means that someone very close to you wishes you were more like me, and that he or she found a perfect way to both give you a present and send you a message.

So, per your desireor that of your loved onethis book will guide you through the most important steps to get you exactly what you want: to be more like me. This is no community college underwater-basket-weaving class, so dont kid yourself. The learning curve is steep, my thoughts are deep, and like any teacher-cum-celebrity author, I want you to come away from your journey as informed as possible so you dont end up embarrassing me later when you say, Chael taught me that. So, before we really get going, I want you to go grab the following items:

1. A pen. To make copious notes and record your personal reflections when I blow your mind. No pencils. Do you see me printing my books in a medium that I can erase later? No. My word is permanent, and so should what you were thinking contemporaneously as you read my brilliant manifesto.

2. A dictionary. I use many big words that you will not know because our education system has failed you. You love watching people cockfightand sometimes you even compound the joy by guzzling beer and scarfing down nachos that are all saucy trimmings and no nachoso its time to at least be honest with yourself that the little story you tell people about scoring in the ninetieth percentile on the verbal portion of your SATs is about as authentic as Donald Cerrones little cowboy bit (more on that later).

3. A map. You will be following me around the world, and I am not there to take your hand and walk you to the nearest payphone if you get lost.

4. Your favorite photo of me to serve as a reminder of what you will become. No, the book jacket doesnt count. If you cut up, mangle, or even remove the book jacket from the book, I will consider that vandalism of my personal property. Now youve just offended the guy you want to be like. Self-hater. (If you bought the paperback and thus dont have a book jacket, I hope its because youre a kid with a lousy allowance.)