Robert Glover - No More Mr. Nice Guy

Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, and now available in paperback, No More Mr. Nice Guy! addresses Nice Guy Syndrome trying too hard to please others while neglecting ones own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness.

Dr. Glover, a certified marriage and family therapist, explains why unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out at loved ones, and offers advice for men to stop seeking approval, express emotion, enjoy a satisfying sex life, embrace masculinity, form meaningful relationships with other men, and live up to their creative potential.

Robert Glover

A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life

ePub r1.1

Rob_Cole 27.12.2017

Ttulo original: No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Robert Glover, 2001

Retoque de cubierta: TheEdwardRCT

Editor digital: Rob_Cole

Primer editor: TheEdwardRCT (r1.0)

ePub base r1.2

This book is dedicated to Elizabeth. You are my partner, my muse, and my best friend. If not for you, I would still be a hopelessly clueless Nice Guy. You are truly a gift from God. Thank you.

For David, Jamie, Steve, and Grant. You are the greatest kids a parent could want. You are each so different and unique that you make parenting a never-ending joy. Thank you for all the times you asked, When are you going to finish your book? Dont ever stop being just who you are.

For the countless men and women who have invited me into the most personal areas of their lives. I have written this book for you. Thank you for your input and support in writing No More Mr. Nice Guy! Especially for all the men who have been a part of my No More Mr. Nice Guy! mens groups. You will never know how much being a part of your lives and has changed my own life. Thank you.

For Dr. Anne Hastings. Your wisdom and insight can be found on every page of this book. You have helped me believe that it is OK for me to be who I am, just as I am. Thank you.

For Debby Duvall. Your editorial skills have covered a multitude of my sins. Thank you for helping make this a better book.

The Nice Guy Syndrome

Im a Nice Guy. Im one of the nicest guys youre ever going to meet.

Jason, a chiropractor in his mid-thirties, began his first session of individual therapy with this introduction. Jason described his life as perfect except for one major problem his sex life. It had been several months since he and his wife Heather had been sexual and it didnt look like anything was going to change soon.

Jason spoke openly about his marriage, his family, and his sexuality. An affable man, he seemed to welcome the opportunity to talk about himself and his life.

More than anything, Jason wanted to be liked. He saw himself as a very generous, giving person. He prided himself on not having many ups and downs and for never losing his temper. He revealed that he liked to make people happy and that he hated conflict. To avoid rocking the boat with his wife, he tended to hold back his feelings and tried to do everything right.

After this introduction, Jason took a piece of paper out of his pocket and began to unfold it. While doing so, he stated that he had written a few things down so he wouldnt forget them.

I can never do it right, Jason began, looking over his list. No matter how hard I try, Heather always finds something wrong. I dont deserve to be treated this way. I try to be a good husband and father, but its never good enough.

Jason paused as he looked over his list.

This morning is a good example, he continued. While Heather was getting ready for work, I got our baby Chelsie up, fed her breakfast, gave her a bath. I had her all ready to go and was about to get ready myself. Then Heather walked in and got that look on her face. I knew I was in trouble.

'Whyd you dress her in that? Thats a good outfit.' Jason mimicked his wifes tone. I didnt know she wanted Chelsie to wear something different. After everything I did to get her ready this morning, it was still wrong.

Heres another example, Jason continued, the other day I cleaned the kitchen and did a real good job.

I loaded the dishwasher, did the pots and pans, and swept the floor. I thought Heather would really appreciate all that I was doing to help out. Before I was finished, she walked in and asked, 'How come you didnt wipe off the counters?' I wasnt even done, for goodness sake. But instead of noticing all that I had done and thanking me, she focused on the one thing I hadnt finished yet.

Then there is thesex thing, Jason continued. We only messed around a few times before we got married because were both Christians. Sex is real important to me, but Heather just isnt interested. I thought once you got married, everything was supposed to be great. After all I do for Heather, youd think she be willing to give me the one thing I really want.

I do a lot more than most guys. It seems like Im always giving so much more than I get. Now, looking like a little boy on the couch, Jason pleaded, All I want is to be loved and appreciated. Is that too much to ask?

Some Of The Nicest Guys You Will Ever Meet

Men like Jason walk into my office on a surprisingly regular basis. These guys come in all shapes and sizes yet they all have the same basic world view. Let me introduce you to a few more.

Omar

Omars number one goal in life is to please his girlfriend. Nevertheless, she complains that he is never emotionally available for her. In fact, every one of his previous girlfriends has had the same complaint.

Since Omar sees himself as such a giver, he cant understand these accusations. Omar states that his greatest joy in life is making other people happy. He even carries a pager so his friends can get in touch with him if they need anything.

Todd

Todd prides himself on treating women with honesty and respect. He believes these traits set him apart from other men and should attract women to him. Though he has many female friends, he rarely dates.

The women he knows tell him what a great listener he is and often call him to share their problems. He likes feeling needed. These female friends constantly tell him what a great catch he will make for some lucky woman. In spite of the way he treats women, he cant understand why they all seem to be attracted to jerks, rather than Nice Guys like him.

Bill

Bill is the person to whom everyone turns when they need something. The word no just isnt in his vocabulary. He fixes cars for women at his church. He coaches his sons little league baseball team. His buddies call on him when they need help moving. He looks after his widowed mother every evening after work. Even though it makes him feel good to give to others, he never seems to get as much as he gives.

Gary

Garys wife has frequent rage attacks in which she verbally shames and demeans him. Because he is afraid of conflict and doesnt want to rock the boat, Gary will avoid bringing up subjects that he knows might make his wife angry. After a fight, he is always the first one to apologize. He cannot recall his wife ever saying she was sorry for any of her behaviors. In spite of the constant conflict, Gary says he loves his wife and would do anything to please her.