R.L. Stine - Earth Geeks Must Go!

A normal guy. At least, I've always thought of myself as a normal guy, with a normal family and normal friends. My life has never been exciting or special. I guess you might say there's nothing special about me, either. I'm about average height for a sixth grader, and average weight. I guess I look okay.

I have short dark hair and brown eyes. And some people say I have a nice smile. I'm interested in normal things. I'm into sports. I play soccer and softball. I'm a pretty good swimmer.

I hke action movies, and I like to read books about baseball and about people who have wild adventures. You know. Like people who spend six months in a raft on the ocean, or people who cUmb Mount Everest and barely survive. I get pretty good grades not perfect, but mostly A's and B's. I guess if I worked harder, I could be a better student. But I'm pretty happy the way I am.

I have a few really good friends. They are nice, normal guys, and when we hang out after school or on weekends, we just mess around or go to the movies at the mall. Ordinary things. I don't have much of a temper. I almost never get depressed or angry or down on myself. Mom and Dad say I'm "easygoing," whatever that means.

I guess you get the picture. I'm a normal guy. Totally normal. So why has my life suddenly turned so weird? Why has everything turned upside down and inside out? Why does my life depend on a guy everyone calls Crazy Old Phil? Why isn't my life normal anymore? Can anyone explain what's happening? Maybe I'd better begin at the beginning.

I'm sitting in my new classroom at school. It's the first day of school.

It feels like the first day of school. Lots of nervous chatter Giggles and shrill laughter. It sounds like the first day of school. Chairs scraping. Lockers slamming. Kids shouting and greeting each other.

Everyone asking questions a million questions as they try to find their new classrooms, try to figure out where to go and where to sit. I'm feeling nervous too, very jittery, a heavy feeling in my stomach. That feeling is weird for me because I'm usually pretty calm, even on a first day of school. Fm sitting at a desk in the third row, on the aisle. I'm staring at a stack of books on my desktop. Textbooks.

Very shiny and new. I open the top one, and it crackles. It's never been opened before. It has that new book smell. The teacher enters. He's a short, stubby man with a thick nest of red hair on top of a thin, serious face.

His eyeglasses have heavy, square black frames. He's wearing baggy brown trousers and a short-sleeved white shirt that shows off his pudgy pink arms. He leans forward as he walks, as if leaning into a stiff breeze. His red hair appears to fly behind his bobbing head. His expression is stern, solemn. He doesn't look at the kids settling into their seats, still laughing and talking.

He stomps up to his small gray desk in the front of the room and drops a stack of papers on top of it. Then he pulls off the heavy black eyeglasses and wipes them with a handkerchief. The bell rings loudly. An electronic buzz that echoes off the tall windows along the side of the room. A few kids keep talking. "I'm Mr. "I'm Mr.

Kray," he announces. His voice is deep. A surprising voice. It's the voice of a much taller person. I still feel nervous, jittery. I glance around.

I focus on the kids around me. Whoa. Hey wait a minute. My eyes dart from face to face. I have a cold feeling at the back of my neck. Who are these kids? How come I don't recognize any of them? Every year, there are several new kids in the school.

But I know that at least a few of my friends should be here. The school has only two sixth-grade classes. All of my friends can't be in the other class. That's impossible. And these kids can't all be new to the school. But I keep going from face to face and they are strangers, all strangers! Am I in the wrong room? Panic sends another chill down my back.

I pull my class assignment card from my pocket: jacob MILLER. MR. KRAY'S 6TH GRADE. No. I'm in the right room. That's a relief.

I don't have to get up in front of all these kids and say, "Excuse me. I'm in the wrong room." That would be too embarrassing. Too geeky for words. So why don't I recognize any of these kids? Not one. I gaze dovm the row at a girl vdth straight blond hair She's very pretty. Sunlight through the window makes her hair glow like gold.

She has her head down. She seems to be scribbling a note to somebody. Next to her, a tall, athletic-looking boy with a red baseball cap turned sideways on his head grins at me. Do I know him? Is he grinning at the kid next to me? I twist around in my seat and check out the kids in the back rows. Do I know any of them? It would sure be nice to see a familiar face. But, no.

They're all strangers too. "Welcome back to school," Mr. Kray booms. He stands behind the short desk, leaning forward, his fists on the desktop. I chuckle to myself. He looks a little like a gorilla, leaning over like that.

A red-haired gorilla. "I hope you had a good summer," he continues. Behind the glasses, his eyes move from face to face. "And I hope you're ready to settle down and begin the trelth grade." The what?! What grade? I raise my hand. "What did you say?" I ask. "What grade?"

*COUGH*HACK* It's a kid chewing gum or something.

He coughs and sputters and drowns out my question. I see a few kids turn to look at me. But Mr. Kray is busy slapping the choking kid on the back. "I can see you're all choked up to be back in school," the teacher jokes. A few kids laugh.

Most don't. The boy's face is as red as a tomato, but he's fine. He drops back in his chair, embarrassed, and pretends to study the floor. I realize I'm gripping the sides of my desk tightly with both hands. I loosen my grip, let out a long breath, and try to relax. Mr. Mr.

Kray turns and starts writing on the chalkboard. The chalk squeaks, making a lot of kids cry out. He writes rapidly, making short stabs with the chalk, which squeaks with each stab. What is he writing? I lean forward and squint between the two kids in front of me. Wait a minute. wait... wait...

I can't read any of it. Is he writing in a foreign alphabet? It all looks like crazy squiggles to me. Is he making up a new language or something? Is this some kind of game? I blink several times, thinking maybe I can get the squiggles into focus. Get them to make sense. But I really can't tell if Mr. Kray is writing letters or numbers.

My heart is racing. I can feel the blood pulsing at my temples. That heavy knot in my stomach grows tighter. I turn to check out the other kids. They all seem to be reading the chalkboard. Some of them are copying it into their notebooks.

How come they can read the strange scrawls and I can't? Mr. Kray stops. He erases the last section he wrote. He checks a paper on his desk, turns back to the board, and starts scribbling again. SQUEAK SQUEAK. The squeak of the chalk sends shiver after shiver down my back.

Why can't I read what he is writing? Am I dreaming this? Yes. That's the only explanation, I decide. This is a dream. I pinch myself. Just like in cartoons. It hurts. It hurts.

I don't wake up. I'm not dreaming. I still can't read a thing on the board. Mr. Kray stops writing and turns around. He brushes chalk dust off the front of his shirt with a chubby pink hand.

He glances down at a paper on his desk. Then he turns to us. He stares directly at me. "Jacob Miller," he says in his deep, ringing voice. "Would you please come up here and solve this for us?"